To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

Do you have any play cafe's local?
Where there's Just a bunch of toys or small softplay where you can sit and have a break and a coffee while they play. We have two local and one does an activity included in each session. Each day is different, one is a disco one is messy play etc.

Soft play with wee ones is hard because you can't let them go off on their own so you don't get a break. You are also pretty much guaranteed to bring home some sort of bug and they will be mobbed with kids so then someone gets hurt or whatever. I hate the places if you can't tell😬 but I understand sometimes they feel like the only option.

I would suggest walks. Somewhere safe where they can roam. A woodland area or somewhere like that. A nature treasure hunt? Just draw some stuff on paper like a stick, a green leaf, a rock, a big tree, a bird etc and then look for them on your walk.

I also recommend brain breaks on YouTube kids. They can choose their character and copy it and it gets them moving and burning off steam. Don't recommend YouTube for anything else at their ages but it's useful for this on a rainy day 🤣

Make dens, get some balloons and let them play keepy uppy (no damage unlike a ball!), make an indoor soft play using cushions or the sofa cushions and let them have at it, use masking tape to make a road on a hard floor and let them play with cars on it, play doh, kinetic sand etc are good time killers too. When I'm at a loss I pull out the paint sticks and glitter glue. Paint sticks dry in 60 seconds and wash off anything, and glitter glue is less messy than actual glitter. I've been known to cover the dining table in brown parcel paper, secured with tape and then let them colour it/make a mess.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I hope you manage to get through the holidays OP. Xx

Take up running - at least you’ll get an hours peace each day!!

@nonotchristmas By having kids go out and entertain themselves largely, often with disastrous results.

OP have you asked your mother what she did when you were at that age or are you the "disastrous result" of parental neglect??? you should take a look at yourself, casting aside ever single suggestion given to you! you are making mountains out of molehills here. so what if the kids make a mess? it is only going to be in the kitchen for most of the things to do!

Hello. This sounds so tough. You sound exhausted. I think the real issue is your DH. I’m sure you enjoy spending time with your kids but when you know it’s all on you to think of things to do and then actually do the things on your own when you are shattered and get no reboot time, it’s hard. This needs a conversation with your DH. My husband and I both work long hours and we try to make sure we both get time to ourselves as well as with our DC. In fact, my DH pushes me to do stuff for myself. When it is me on my own, sometimes I’ll meet with other mum friends with the kids just to have a natter or grab a quick coffee. I hope things get easier.

OP, you’re just coming across as rude now.

People are just trying to give you suggestions, no, you don’t have to take them.

If you have a garden, chuck them out there for a bit. They won’t melt if it’s raining, tog them up.

Cinema, lots of toddler showings atm, perhaps ask for odeon passes for Christmas.

Softplays are rank so I can’t relate to you there, I can’t be arsed with the days of illness after just for an hour or so of ‘fun’

National trust properties or similar, you only have to pay for parking (a fiver usually) they usually have Christmas trails and similar on for children this time of year.

Not sure if you’re near the coast but if it’s sunny but cold, wrap up and down to the beach, let them burn off some steam there. Take some sandwiches etc.

I dunno, there’s lots of stuff you can do but it does involve going outside.

Also completely agree that some kids are easier to entertain than others.

My niece would sit and play with the pegs in the peg basket for about two hours. Or even a simple piece of string! I would watch with amazement and think what the hell am I doing wrong? Because my son just wasn't like that.

So ideas like: paint the house with a paintbrush, play with kitchen utensils, chalk the pavement, go for a ramble in the woods, do some crafting etc just didn't work, as lovely and wholesome as those ideas are!

The only thing that really worked was soft play and lots of it....:and who wants to do that every day for 2 weeks!

She’s dead but thanks

@Openuniversity22 just leave the thread then. I can live without your amazing suggestions. Thanks.

I was up at 3am with various children thinking the holiday was going to be Hard Work. That’s it. I don’t want or need anyone’s suggestions, just sounding off.

Just re -read all your posts OP. Lots of people have taken time to really try and give you suggestions, support, solidarity and you are now coming across as really arsey. My two were not easy kids(still aren't). Totally different interests and preferences to try and manage alone as an SP. It's totally fine to just have a vent but I agree with a pp that you do sound v down and could probably benefit from a chat with a gp. I do wish you the best.

OK, I’m coming across as really arsey.

😐

If you’re waiting for ‘oh my god yes, going out in the morning, I didn’t think of that! Wow, what a good idea!’ it isn’t going to happen. I don’t like being treated like an idiot.

This. Your poor kids are in nursery normally but you can't be bothered with them for a week or so when they're not. It sounds like you even resent feeding them... they are YOUR kids, Op so I'm assuming that you chose to have them. Can't you just spend time with them playing, going to the park etc. You don't want them to look back as adults and remember that you resented their presence.

And people say I am the arsey one?

OP this is your thread. People are mostly directing their comments at you. You've had some shitty replies but some really nice supportive long ones too, including from me. However, you obviously just wanted a vent and not solutions so I'll leave you to it. Again, best of luck.

Did your husband want the children? If he did why isn't he looking after them or enjoying being with them?

You posted because you're struggling and you're being really nasty to people who were kind enough to offer help and advice. I think you need to take a real look at why your kids don't want to do activities with you. Could be because they can clearly tell you're miserable and uninterested, kids aren't stupid.

She doesn’t sound uptight and aggressive at all, what a bloody stupid thing to say. Only an idiot would think it was ok to attempt to work from home and look after two toddlers at the same time. OP’s point is clearly that the care of the children suffered because instead of actually looking after them, her husband was trying to work. That’s why they ate rubbish, had toileting accidents and weren’t dressed. And she’s clearly pointing out that this is an ongoing pattern of behaviour rather than a one off.

The way some posters trip over themselves to defend useless men failing to parent their kids properly is absolutely embarrassing.

OP - I think I’d be dreading the holidays too if I was managing two toddlers with a bloody useless co-parent who can’t be relied upon. I would seriously consider whether it’s time for you to decide if this marriage is worth it and then communicate to your husband that if he isn’t going to change and actually start fulfilling his responsibilities then you’re not sticking around to have your life ruined by him any more. It’s not just that he’s selfish and lazy - it’s the fact that he is ruining your own enjoyment of your children by forcing you to do everything to the point where you’re burned out and exhausted.

To survive these next couple of weeks I would look into every possible free activity you can take advantage of to get out of the house. Are there any options like:

• local libraries - even if they aren’t running activities are they open so you can take the kids out and read books for an hour?
• Garden picnic - one of my favourite ways to get kids outside. Put hot food (soup, hot chocolate, toasties etc) in a basket with hot water bottles and get out into the garden or a local outdoor spot in warm clothes and waterproofs for a garden picnic. My son LOVES these and it’s a low effort way to get fresh air and time away from home.
• swimming - if public pools are open take them out, it exhausts them and they usually love it
• nature scavenger hunt. Give them a list of things to find on a walk or in a park. Preferably one near a picnic area so you can scroll your phone and have a coffee while they’re searching.
• are there any crafts they like? Colouring, sticker books etc? Stock up from somewhere cheap like The Works

But seriously - come the new year, decide if your husband is actually bringing value to your life and act accordingly…

Still being a nob then. Think you need to go and get some fresh air so you can be a bit nicer.

Christmas breaks are not good for many people for a variety of reasons.
It will be over soon.
As for the illusion of happy family xmas's well????????

Hi OP. I remember these days well. I have twins and also remember dreading these stretches of time with no childcare. They were also only just turned two when Covid hit and nursery shut its doors for 4 months.

Is this the first time you’ve had a big chunk like this at the ages they are? Was the eldest in nursery while you were on mat leave with the youngest?

What I would say, rather than trying to give tips of what to do with them, is try to just take each day as it comes as not think ahead too much. I do remember the twins actually being much easier than I thought they’d be when it came to it, and I think that’s because when kids are in childcare, you often see them at their very worst when you are are also at your worst – all tired after a long day or having to get up and rush around in the morning, and then weekends they are still tired from the week, as are you.

I think with longer stretches out of childcare, even though they are demanding, everyone is just a bit happier and with more energy for the day ahead.

I feel you.
It's not even day one (weekend always happens) and I'm thoroughly done in. I have four so it's loud, messy and I just feel like I can't get a single thing done as there is always someone there in my way

@HocusFord thanks. The thing is I do a lot with the children. No, we don’t sit making crafty things as one just isn’t interested - draws one blue line on a colouring book then charges away and the other is too little - but they do get out probably more than most children, for my sanity as much as anything else! So they do ballet and rugby and swimming, they are going to the pantomime, the farm to meet reindeer, ice skating (well, sitting on a toy polar bear and being pulled along for the younger one anyway) and yes dreaded soft play.

People making out my children are suffering or neglected and that I don’t want them because they go to a (very good) nursery three days a week while I work is cruel and wrong.

But the above activities do come at a price and it isn’t stress free. Above all what I need is time on my own. I need to sit and chill out for a while while my husband or someone entertains the children and that isn’t going to happen. It just isn’t, and all the indignant Mumsnetters twittering about crafts and snuggling up watching films isn’t going to change that.

I literally trip over my youngest. I’ve hidden from her before as ridiculous as that sounds!

You have a partner problem op you need to deal with it, maybe not now but soon. Small kids are exhausting and relentless. I remember it well

She's not being remotely nasty. A bit exasperated but that's understandable given some of the horrible posts blaming her and not her useless husband for him being useless or criticising her for wanting to vent.

Your post is possibly the nastiest. You should feel ashamed of yourself.

I really haven’t been nasty. Unless someone really, really hates sprouts.

It is tough and relentless. And somewhat unfortunate that you've ended up surrounded by both a completely useless DH and friends who either have one child or a lot of support... a close friend of mine has two, but has their grandparents stay over from Thursday - Sunday each week on alternating weeks to help, and both go to nursery Tuesday and Wednesday, so she's only got them to "herself" one day a week, and with her husband two days. Thankfully other friends of mine have a lot less support!

We have none, but DH will have him. Sadly most of the time that he does is spent with me working, but that's just our situation right now.

I'm not sure that you actually want tips, but I will sympathise. It's tiring and relentless and then you feel guilty for feeling like that...

Mine are off until the 7th now!