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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's cousin has called their son the same name as our son.

368 replies

shoulde · 20/12/2024 19:38

Bit annoying considering they also share the same surname!

I know no one owns a name, but it's pretty annoying.

Aibu?

OP posts:
BruFord · 22/12/2024 02:17

I accidentally called DS the same name as my cousin's son as we hadn't seen each other for years and I genuinely didn't realize...and my daft Dad, who did know, forgot to tell me until after we'd named DS. 😂

As others have said though, it's not uncommon to repeat names in families.

Tessiebear2023 · 22/12/2024 07:19

Cattenberg · 21/12/2024 22:06

Whilst I don’t think it’s a big issue to share a name with a first cousin once removed, I don’t think your last sentence follows at all. Not all parents choose a name that’s in the best interest of their child. Personally, I’m glad my parents put a bit of thought into my name and didn’t just re-use the name of another family member. Surely every child deserves to be treated as an individual?

When DM was eight months pregnant with my DSis, a neighbour gave birth to her daughter and named her Joanne. She wouldn’t have known that Joanne was the girls’ name my parents had chosen. My parents were disappointed, but found another name they liked for DSis. I would have done the same thing in their shoes.

Show quote history

What your parents did is perfectly fine and reasonable, but so would sticking to the name they originally chose if it meant a lot to them. People in families, streets, school and jobs share the same names all the time, it's really not a big deal. My son, Luke, shares the same name with his best friend at school. I've worked in a job where my opposite manager of another team had the same name, in reality it's not an issue.

GrouachMacbeth · 22/12/2024 07:24

Can you imagine Mumsnet if Muslim women were a majority? "ooh they have called their dB mohammed" "I was going to call our baby Mohammed what do you think Mohammed?". "Dunno darling, I'll call my brother - hey Muhammad.."
And from a harry Enfield sketch
" You can't call her mohammed, that's a boys name"

Nogaxeh · 22/12/2024 07:31

For pretty much all of recorded history sons have had the same name as fathers, particularly honoured grandfathers have had many grandchildren named after them, and in countries like Ireland every second daughter was called Mary.

It's only ever been on mumsnet that I've come across the idea that a couple of children in the same extended family or friendship group sharing the same name is a problem.

It's really weird. Particularly after the advent of the internet it should be obvious to everyone that their name does not, and cannot, uniquely identify them. There are loads of people with exactly the same name as you or your child. Get over it.

Yesitisnotthatitbe · 22/12/2024 07:36

shoulde · 20/12/2024 19:38

Bit annoying considering they also share the same surname!

I know no one owns a name, but it's pretty annoying.

Aibu?

Yes, yes you are

Wingingit247 · 22/12/2024 08:55

What actual problems does this cause? Feels like a non issue to me, genuinely couldn’t get myself worked up about this.

BeardieWeirdie · 22/12/2024 09:12

Big Irish family here, my mum was one of 10 so I have lots of cousins. I couldn’t tell you what all their children are called so it wouldn’t bother me. May be different if your husband and cousin are more like brothers, live down the road and the babies will grow up together.

usernother · 22/12/2024 09:12

YABVVU. It's his second cousin fgs.

Noononoo · 22/12/2024 09:24

The constant reiteration of names in a family has always been a signal of kinship.
I always know, when I am doing ancestral research, which families are the correct ones, by the names that are reiterated through all the extended family and generations. Don’t be annoyed. It’s a strength, at the best flattering at the worst mildly irritating.

Ladymeade · 22/12/2024 09:36

housethatbuiltme · 21/12/2024 22:37

You changed you child's name because of a CO-WORKER?

A person who literally is unlikely to matter in you life long term, whose child you won't know and that has ZERO connection to your kid?

That is utterly batshit... guess you can't have liked the name much.

Show quote history

Thanks for that lol. 😁 My prerogative to be pissed off if I wish..

olympicsrock · 22/12/2024 09:44

Happened on our family, two brothers each had a baby girl 12 months apart. Same first name and surname… A bit weird but they cope.

Lyraloo · 22/12/2024 11:23

shoulde · 20/12/2024 19:38

Bit annoying considering they also share the same surname!

I know no one owns a name, but it's pretty annoying.

Aibu?

Grow up! It’s your husband cousin, not his brother or your sister and even if it was, you don’t own the name. It might be their favourite name!

LouDeLou · 22/12/2024 11:34

GrouachMacbeth · 22/12/2024 07:24

Can you imagine Mumsnet if Muslim women were a majority? "ooh they have called their dB mohammed" "I was going to call our baby Mohammed what do you think Mohammed?". "Dunno darling, I'll call my brother - hey Muhammad.."
And from a harry Enfield sketch
" You can't call her mohammed, that's a boys name"

🤣🤣🤣🤣✋

Cattenberg · 22/12/2024 12:40

Nogaxeh · 22/12/2024 07:31

For pretty much all of recorded history sons have had the same name as fathers, particularly honoured grandfathers have had many grandchildren named after them, and in countries like Ireland every second daughter was called Mary.

It's only ever been on mumsnet that I've come across the idea that a couple of children in the same extended family or friendship group sharing the same name is a problem.

It's really weird. Particularly after the advent of the internet it should be obvious to everyone that their name does not, and cannot, uniquely identify them. There are loads of people with exactly the same name as you or your child. Get over it.

I thought this habit made more sense before the advent of the internet, especially in the days when many people couldn’t read or write and never left the county of their birth?

By the way, I’ve never met anyone with the same first name as me, and as far as I know, no one in the world has the exact same first name + last name combination. DD and I have never met anyone who shares her first name (although we have met a couple with alternative versions), and as far I can tell, there is only one other person in the UK with the same first name + last name as DD. And they do have different middle names.

Some if my ancestors were Welsh and I knew that their habit of communal first name + unflattering nickname (e.g. Dai The Pig) was not for me.

Flowersandforests · 22/12/2024 13:11

I don’t think YABU - especially given the same surname. Funnily enough my DH’s cousin named their baby my all time favorite baby name - as much as I loved the name, we didn’t even consider it !

ToffeePennie · 22/12/2024 13:16

It’s very odd. Maybe imitation is the sincerest form of flattery here? Fingers crossed!
Otherwise if you don’t socialise, I wouldn’t worry too much.

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 22/12/2024 13:27

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.If you don’t socialise much or live in the same area it’s not so bad,but I’d still be a bit pissed off.

labamba007 · 22/12/2024 15:40

You're going to get told you're being unreasonable because you are.

However you'd prefer to get all worked up about it anyways. Thank yourself lucky that this was worth posting on a forum about. It's nice to have such little problems in life :)

rollon2025 · 22/12/2024 22:14

They're not even cousins. They're second cousins!!!
Seriously? Why is this a big deal unless you are all exceptionally close, go in holiday together or live in the same street.?
If that's the case, then yeah. I could understand why you might be annoyed.

But... second cousins? Realistically how much will they feature in each others lives?

PracticalLady · 23/12/2024 09:07

Unfortunately you need to just let it go OP. I have a friend whose cousin has the same name (both first and surname) as her and they just laugh about it.

Skybluepinky · 23/12/2024 09:42

Just ignore, f hubby has kids with different women he has 2 sons with the same name and a daughter with a variation of the name.

snoopyfanaccountant · 23/12/2024 09:55

I have friends whose DS has the same name as his cousin. It really isn't an issue.
Edited to add that I know a couple of families where all the males have the same first name but go by their middle names, so dad is David John, son 1 is David James and son 2 is David Thomas, but they use the names John, James and Thomas

Zd24 · 23/12/2024 09:58

My husbands cousin did the same and named her daughter the same name as ours ( 3 months apart) yes nobody owns a name and we don’t see them at all anymore, I wasn’t bothered but the thing I was bothered about is that we had the name picked out for a girl as soon as I found out I was pregnant ( again I was 3 months ahead in pregnancy than her so when I found out I was pregnant she wasn’t even pregnant!!) yet at 20 weeks when we found out she was a girl and we announced she was a girl and her name his cousin and her older daughter started crying saying we stole their baby name ( we announced that we was having a girl to this family member closer to my due date as it was my husbands sister who is closer to her not us when my husbands cousin announced she was as having a girl too and said she was calling her baby the same name, we didn’t tell her our babies gender till closer to my due date but she knew from when I found out I was pregnant what our name choices where so it wasn’t an accident) it kind of wound me up a bit as she wouldn’t stop saying we stole her baby name when she knew I had the name picked out before she was even pregnant with her daughter, I didn’t say anything though and tried to let it go.

i guess if you are close to them then i can understand why your angry but if you hardly see them then i guess not so much.

but for all the people saying it’s not a big deal and you don’t own a name, true but what i will say is we have had occasions where we have had a family gatherings in the past and when someone has called my daughters name the other child would also come or turn around and it just gets confusing. I do think if you are in the same family and are relatively close or see each other a bit it’s not ideal to be naming kids the same names.

floofsMum · 23/12/2024 19:48

There are duplicates in my DHs side. I'd get on quick with some emails, social media addresses as soon as you are able.

I think it was quite normal a generation ago to share names in a family (sons, fathers and gradfathers!) But it's less so now when you have to have something fairly unique so as not to cause digital confusion.

katienana · 23/12/2024 23:06

This is daft, I've called my son the same name as 2 of my cousins. It's also the exact same name as his grandad! Take it as a compliment. I'd be more annoyed if someone took a name before I got chance to use it, but it's one of those scenarios where you'd just have to feel aggrieved without ever telling anyone.
You can be secretly pissed off but you can't ever tell anyone