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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Leaving DH out on Christmas eve

255 replies

MerryLiftMass · 20/12/2024 08:01

DH is working Christmas eve until 6.30, home for 7ish. I am also working Christmas eve but finish at the latest 1pm, probably a bit earlier.

I mentioned that I might take the kids to the cinema to watch the new Moana film in the afternoon, for context the kids are all teenagers but Moana is their favourite Disney film and it's rare we are all together these days with the eldest two being in Uni.

DH (Step-Dad of the children) was really put out that we were going to go without him. He said it's a family trip and we are just leaving him out. He was actually quite hurt about it.

I thought there is no point us all missing out just because he has to work. There is no way he would go after work because he is very rigid (he is autistic, not diagnosed but clear as day, he doesn't like to change from routine) and wouldn't want to be getting back from the cinema so late and wouldn't have chance to have dinner as the later showing is at 7.30.

So was I being unreasonable to think we could go without him?

Just for clarity, we have decided to go on boxing day when we can all go and I will do some festive baking and board games with the teens on Christmas eve so we have already reached a compromise, I just wanted to sense check if I was being mean.

OP posts:
TeaPr · 07/11/2025 19:32

We would have been delighted for the other parent to take the kids out and have a lovely time. I don’t understand adults who behave in such a ridiculous way so that kids miss out.

TeaPr · 07/11/2025 19:33

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 18:08

I'll likely be shot down here, but I do think it's different when there's a step-parent involved.

OP is allowed to spend some time with her children without their step-dad. I also doubt a grown man really wants to see Moana 2 Hmm

Exactly. He was just annoyed that they were leaving him out. As if he would have booked to see it with the kids himself.

LostittoBostik · 08/11/2025 08:36

YaWeeFurryBastard · 20/12/2024 08:07

(he is autistic, not diagnosed but clear as day, he doesn't like to change from routine)

Ffs when will this self diagnosis of autism end! In women it’s under diagnosed, in men that’s much rarer.

I get your point but you’re missing the fact that a lot of parents in the 70s and 80s just didn’t know anything about it or pursue it espeically if they were high functioning enough to do fine in school. My DH is 100 per cent undiagnosed (he is pursuing diagnosis now in his fifties because one of our children is neurodivergent and he sees himself in them) and he was simply told by his family that he was “weird”, leading to years of mental health problems.

LostittoBostik · 08/11/2025 08:37

However the cinema thing is nothing to do with autism. OP is right to be annoyed. I wouldn’t have changed plans personally

Glittertwins · 08/11/2025 10:25

It’s a year ago folks!

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