DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Agree that he has every right to be annoyed but insist that HE explains his reasons to your friend and not leave it to you

I’m kind of with your DH actually. He goes out of his way to take someone else’s kids to school and she doesn’t even invite your kids to a party. I think that’s quite rude.

Why can’t your friend take them to school herself or make other arrangements?

why are you so in thrall to this woman that only her feelings count? Why aren’t you backing your DH and your DCs

Nailed it! Why, OP?

The least she could do is invite your children to the party as a thank you for the free lifts her kids are getting. She's rude and a user. Stop the lifts, your husband is correct. She's showing you exactly what she thinks of you. It's not your responsibility to get her kids to school everyday.

You’re not the one driving other people’s his around- HE is doing the favour.

Absolutely agree with your dh

Your loyalty should be with your DH and DC, not to your neighbour who has been taking the piss with this lift business. I am absolutely with your DH on this one!

I agree. She should ask the parents of the invitees to give them lifts from now on, and should have before the party if she knew your kid wasn’t going to be invited

Right , so because the DH is standing up for himself and demonstrating to his children that you don't let someone just ride roughshod over you . Someone that you are doing a considerable favour for every school day .,
The person who is treating him like staff ........ he's a CHILD ?

I've read some utter drivel on here but this is pretty high up there .

I cannot help think if the OP was taking her friends DC to school or swimming or karate every time with no offer of money or reward , and no invitation to the party , she would be told quite rightly "No is a complete sentence" and she wouldn't take kindly to someone thinking she's petty .

OP , your DH is a star
Your DH has been a star doing this favour
Your DH is a star saying to your "friend" No-one does that to my kids , you;ve burned your boats and you can just Sod Right Off

Tell her after Christmas , no more lifts ,

Good for your dh.
It's his choice as he's the one doing the driving.
Your dh doesn't like her attitude anyway and this has really cemented his view of her.

Yes, another team DH here too.

Why would she have her DC at a school she can’t get them to herself? She’s in a very precarious position and she be very grateful for what your DH is doing. Inviting your DC to the party is the absolute LEAST she could do!

His choice, he’s doing the driving every day.
I cannot believe she doesn’t give him anything, a gift to say thank you for doing it.

How so? The OP is literally doing nothing in this arrangement, there is no "we", her husband is doing all the work.

Cba to read the thread and I'm sure someone has said it anyway but I'm on

Team reverse.

Well you’re not driving them or getting them to school, and you’re not supporting him in his opinions about carrying on or stopping. So what part is the partnership of which you speak?

I think YABU not to support him. It’s very rude not to invite your kids, and it’s a big favour to be doing someone every day.

Are you going to acknowledge most on this thread are on your husbands side or keep pretending you and your friend are in the right?

Well 84% saying YABU is pretty conclusive @Owlsz !

When will you break the news to her?

The fact she’s allowed this arrangement to persist without offering petrol money is also cheeky.

Another one siding with your DH.
I don't think he's being petty at all. I actually think it's incredibly rude to use someone as a taxi service and then not invite them to your party due to "limited space". Surely the limited spaces should have been filled by the friends doing you a massive favour every day?! If I'm not enough of a friend to make the top list, maybe one of the chosen can offer lifts going forward. He'd have my full backing.

Why on Earth has she put her kids in a school she can't get too and how has your poor dh ended up mugged off with driving not just one but two of her children there and back every day?

Team dh here. She's taking the mickey and you seem to be backing her.

Clearly this didn't go the way of OPs thinking at all, hence her lack of replies. OP doesnt want to deal with the fall-out of DH taking a (valid) stand. I am also Team DH.

I think this is key really. But she should be at least giving you gifts and favors for the massive one you are doing for her.

Not in this sense.

HE is doing all the heavy lifting with the rides.
Not you.
And he rightfully feels indignant on behalf of his own children here.

I'm with him. The rides would be stopping come January term.

It's only advisory, not legally binding 😁

Yes he’s in a partnership with you, not your friend and her kids. I’m also team husband - petty or not, she’s getting all the benefits of having her kids transported daily. Inviting your kids should have been a given as away of returning the favour.