DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

If you end up falling out with your friend, op, I'm happy to stand in as replacement if you throw in a chauffeuring service for my kids.

@TwinklyAmberOrca tell them that from the start of next term you'll need to go into work earlier so very sorry but you won't be able to do lifts anymore. They've been really entitled. It's the parents' responsibility to work out how their kids will get to school, without just freeloading.

Your husband is correct. Your friend is taking the piss

Agree with PP's friend is very rude.

Team Husband

I would put myself out for my child's friend whether I was mates with their parents or not. I would put myself out for my friend whether or not my child was mates with their child.
But these children are not his children's friends, their parent is not his friend and he has run out of motivation to keep putting himself out when your CF friend doesn't reciprocate at all ever. It's all one way and when she has had a chance to do something in return like add them on to a party she hasn't.
I would also like to know why her kids attend a school they can't get to without depending on other people?

I'm with your DH on this, that's unbelievably rude.

Congrats on having a husband with a backbone.

I don't think that's petty! I think that's having a boundary. That is a massive amount of childcare your husband is doing unpaid. I'd be absolutely bending over backwards if I were her!

Team DH here as well unless it’s either a very small party to which they’ve only invited a couple of friends or they’ve invited say all the girls in the class to limit numbers and your kids are boys. We have often invited kids who aren’t part of the same friendship group because there’s some other connection - this enormous favour would be such a connection imo.

Petty comment

This 💯

Team DH all the way! Your 'friend' is walking all over you. I think you should support your husband on this."

I agree with your husband, so maybe I am petty. As a show of appreciation for all of the school runs you do for your friend and her children, a party invite is the least she could do, your friend is being rude, ungrateful and taking your kindness for granted IMO

Team DH……so disrespectful not to invite your DC as they’re in the same car daily. Shows how much the other mum values the lifts.

To be honest, if she's giving him attitude then this alone should be enough for him to quit doing such a massive favour. It's also a complete dick move to not invite your child to the birthday party. I think your friend has pissed on her chips as far as lifts are concerned, sorry but I'm team husband too

I can't believe they didn't invite your kids to be honest. It's not her kids fault. It's hers entirely. Unless she treats and is gracious to your family in other ways, she is not your friend. Did she have the audacity to say it is because of cost to you, when your husband is taking her children every day to school? I would not speak to her again. That would be the end of my relationship with her.

How old are the children?

I think it was extremely rude not to invite your DC. Your friend is saving a lot of money because your DH is taking them to school (she would have to pay childminder/ breakfast club). He is doing her a huge favour. The cost of inviting your DC to the party wouldn’t be more than around £20 surely?

He is right, it’s an insult.

Never ever thought I would say this but yes!

Also cuz I am foreign or what but cannot understand the logic of that western behaviour. He is not petty, he is a normal decent human being giving a lot of service to a woman who has got not a car nor drives ....inviting the kids should be her priority for showing gratitude over the year.

Your friend is taking the pee. There’s no why I would let a fellow parent drive my kids to school everyday, and not offer some petrol money, or a least get your husband a little gift to say thanks. If I was your friend, even though your kid isn’t necessarily besties with hers, I would’ve sucked it up and invited your dc to the party, to not risk upsetting the people, who are v kindly ferrying my kids around everyday, as a nice gesture. I’m with your hubby. Would she do you a favour if you needed it?

Yeah I agree with this too. Might be petty on his part, but it's unbelievably rude on hers.

I think by sending her kids to a school that she can't get them to independently she has put herself in a position where she has to return favours. This would have been one such favour. People just have to do stuff to oil the wheels of diplomacy sometimes. So I'm kinda with your DH on this.

Agree! I don't blame him for being hurt and annoyed

Another member of team husband here. I’m really shocked you think he’s being petty. Your friend is bang out of order and has shown herself to be a real CF.

And, honestly, saying marriage is a team so you get the reflected glory of the favour (which involves no effort on your part) but then don’t back your DH up when he asserts very reasonable boundaries: why are you so in thrall to this woman that only her feelings count? Why aren’t you backing your DH and your DCs?