DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

So she doesn’t pay you, doesn’t do anything to repay the favour and doesn’t invite your child to her child’s party? I’m team dh ditch the freeloader getting lifts.

If it was me the lifts would stop immediately.

I did wonder 🤣

Team DH here.

I can't believe she's not offered petrol money/childcare money/a gift or anything for this massive "favour" your DH has been doing.

I'd be pissed off if I was him as well, she's completely taken him for granted.

Your DH is having the piss taken out of him massively.

He is not being unreasonable in the slightest.

I totally agree.

Super rude and inconsiderate to not invite your kids when she's getting this amazing favour, day in and day out. She's stupid to bite the hand that has fed her this far.

I'm Team DH!

So you're doing your friend a favour because she's your friend? I wouldn't expect anything in return either unless she was taking the piss. Why should she invite a child who doesn't hang out with hers to a birthday party?

I'm on the fence with this one. How old are the children? I think once they get to 7 or 8, they know who they want to invite to parties and who they don't. If the kids are under 10 though, I think it was pretty short-sighted of the other parent not to consider this may be a consequence of not inviting your child to the party.

Perhaps she could have used the money she's saved in transport to pay for another space at her party. Don't be a mug OP.

Team dh this is an annoyance daily especially wen he needs to get to work

I agree with your husband. Lifts should stop.

Another for Team DH (depending on the age of the kids involved). He is doing this woman a huge favour everyday and in return he's getting some kind of attitude from her and she's shown no gratitude at all for what he does for her each day. You should be backing your dh.

Agree.

You can be all "oh my poor friend" all you like, it's your DH dealing with her kids Every Single Day!!

Excellent point about OP’s kid finding it awkward or not ideal having to share lifts every day with a kid that they are meant to not be friends with - so that’s ok for them to do twice a day - but too much for the ‘friends’ kid to endure for a couple of hours? 🤔

Also, if OP’s husband is pissed off it’s going to make the car journeys and interactions when picking up dropping off very awkward and more embarrassing for everyone concerned I’d imagine.

edited for typo

She is a cheeky cow not thinking it is the right thing to do to ask the kids whose dad gives them a free lift 5 days a week 38 weeks a year.
She shouldn't be sending them to a school she can't get them to without someone else un related to her especially when she is clearly an ingrate.
You say 'we' and yes marriage is a partnership but you are not the one doing the school run. Have you ever done if it is on your husband's way as it is pain in the arse let alone with 2 extra kids.
Just your kids would be nice chatting time for your husband and kids - instead there will be 2 extra every day - it is a lot and she should be throwing a party for your husband not excluding your kids.
She is a cheeky free loader. The money she saves not inviting them to the party can go towards bus fares.

Couldn’t you adjust your work hours to ferry your friends kids to and from school? I’m sure she’d be delighted and your dh too. You’ll be pleasing two people - the most important to you being your friend though. How nice of you and much easier than having to apologise about your dh to her.

Owlsz
What does that mean? Isn't marriage a partnership?

Well, support your husband in his decision then!!

Another Team DH. Your friend is a using cow and you should do better for your child.

But it’s not just the lack of party invitation is it? Your DH is getting no thanks for this, just attitude from both of you, you calling him petty, and YOUR friend not even offering a contribution or even a word of thanks it seems, congratulations you are both CF’s.
I’m a go out of my way to help people out type person myself but even I would be like enoughs enough I’m happy to help but don’t take me for a mug.
I don’t drive myself ( medical reasons) and while my DH doesn’t mind if I volunteer him as a driver every now and then, there’s no way I would expect him to do lifts every day.

I understand your point of view OP and I think you're a mature and considered person to hold it...but I'm team dh too. He's the one executing the favour and he feels like a mug. She had an opportunity to acknowledge and thank him for his time by extending an invitation to his kids but she didn't take it. As he is the person interacting with her daily, it's his call. He feels taken for granted and he's probably right.

We're so conditioned not to rock the boat, I think it's quite refreshing to hear of someone who has a bit of backbone. He's getting nothing out of helping her out.

Good on your husband.

He’s doing this friend a massive favour every day for free. Doesn’t matter that it’s on the way. It’s still an irritation - I wouldn’t have wanted to stop on the way to school - it costs time and I spent my car journeys talking to my kids. It’s fairly good quality time.

She is ridiculously ungrateful - she’s whinging about the cost of an extra kid at the party. Well the transport/childcare services over the course of the year are probably worth in excess of 100 times the cost of a party attendee. Very silly decision by her. Take take take.

he’s right to tell her to get fucked

Don't bite the hand that feeds!

I dont think your DH is being petty. He takes her kids to and from.school.each day, without payment, and your DC didn't even get a party invite?.your "friend" is.not a.friend, she is using your DH.

I'm with your husband, OP - and he DOES get to decide this as he is doing the lifts. He's given your friend adequate notice and she'll have to make her own plans for transporting her children.

You'd (she'd, I mean) have to be quite dense not to at least extend an invitation to the children of the family who are doing so much heavy lifting in terms of transporting your children to and from, every day.

He's quite right and you should step back and not badger him any further on this.

💯