DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

@Owlsz YABU - I'm with your DH on this one.

As they have no other means of getting to school, then he is doing them a HUGE favour, so inviting them to a party should have been a no brainer, and very rude not to.

I have to take a friend's child to the school I teach at as a favour as he has no other transport method. She pays nothing, he is often late, he was ill the other morning and no message to say not to wait. I was at least expecting a nice Christmas card and perhaps a bottle of wine to say thank you but nope! Nothing! I feel quite pissed off!

Even if he stopped they have banked significant favour credits and so if there was ever anything this mother could do for them they should be able to ask.

Team dh

Marriage may be a partnership but what has that to do with the point being made? It’s your DH who is in fact doing the work here not you. I am sure you make other contributions. The point is that he agreed to do this, now presumably he has withdrawn his agreement.
It does sound petty, but I am guessing he may well have other issues around doing it, it does seem a very one sided arrangement.

Yeah I'm team husband. Your friend is being outrageous

Your friend is a fucking idiot! Imagine biting off the hand! Such stupidity

What's he said about your friend's attitude?

If they're being ungrateful and not pitching in at all, since he's doing the driving, petty or not he's absolutely in his right to not give them a lift.

You said he has a problem with your friend's attitude.

What does he mean? What attitude does she have?

She's very much bitten the hand that feeds here.

Your DH has massively helped out your friend. She doesn't seem like the kind of person that is going to help you out with a favour if you need one. Your husband is the one that is helping her, not you - there isn't a "we" in this.

Team DH here - he's the one doing your friend a huge favour, 5 days a week. Your DC should have been top of the list of children to receive an invitation. It's just basic manners.

Actually, I think I’m team husband. I understand what you’re saying, but dh has a car full of kids every day for no thanks 😳

I too would be miffed. Honestly the mum sounds like a cheeky monkey , that’s about to find out the hard way that sometimes actions have consequences 🤷‍♀️

I bet that your friend is someone you like to call your friend but you are not called a friend by her. She told you about not inviting your kids to her kids party so she certainly must have thought invite them? Nah. Then thought of the lifts and then further thought how you are such a doormat and that your dh is a doormat too so no need for her to pay an invite for your kids. She’s got you under her thumb but your dh sees her for the cf she is. Soon you’ll be saying so sorry about your dh and that you hope you’ll stay friends. Answer is not a chance because she’s a user and will move on.

How old are the kids?

Why are your friend's children going to a school they can't get to without your husband's help?

Totally this :

It sounds like you basically volunteered your husband to do this massive ongoing favour and you're taking some of the credit for it but none of the inconvenience.

Good on your DH.

"I take your kids to school everyday without recompense and you can't even stoop to invite mine to a party?!"

He's right, she's a CF and you're enabling it, it's not petty of him at all

That's a dick move on her part .
I agree with your dh

So, DH does this woman a favour every single school day, and she can’t even invite his (and your) kids to a birthday party? Extremely bad manners, no wonder he’s pissed off.

I think it's petty for her not to invite your child when you're doing her a huge favour.

I would like to be one of those people who rise above everything but to be honest I don’t blame your husband .I would be pissed off.I am team pettiness
The mother is incredibly rude imho
I agree with your husband

The kids might not be the same friendship groups and the party invites might not be the big thing but this can't have come out of nowhere with DH. Like this poster says, does your friend ever take you or treat you, to say thanks?

Also @Owlsz what happens at your kids own parties - do the lift kids get invites?

How would the children get to school if your husband didn't give them a lift?

I can't see why your friend couldn't give him a couple of bottles of wine or something similar every week as a thank you.

It's not a team effort, OP, as you're not the one giving the lifts. He might have liked to have had those twenty minutes talking to his own children. It's very different when there are others in the car, particularly if the children aren't good friends.

I’m with your husband on this one. You and your child truly deserve praise for taking this so well … but I would find it incredibly rude and would not be ok with this at all. I completely get why your husband is no longer interested in driving these children to school anymore (every day, expecting nothing in return ..!)

I think dh is right. If it is bigger party eg. 10-30 children, yours should be invited out if politeness. If it is just a couple of bf invited, maybe not.

A hard lesson to learn in life but your DH is allowed to feel how he feels. You should not force him to do anything just because she is your friend.

Whether it is petty or not is irrelevant.