Page 31 | DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

SnoopySantaPaws · 20/12/2024 04:43

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

I agree with you, but I was trying to read the whole thread before posting.

even your DC understand whilst they'd have enjoyed it, that the other kid wants to invite his friends ( not the kid if the Dad that does his mum a favour.

they're of an age where friendship groups matter at school & they should have kids inflicted on them at the cost of not being able to invite all their own friends.

a bit different if they were a bit younger & at a huge soft play or hall party.

DH is just using it as an excuse for not having the balls to say 'I'm fed up of taking her kids to school, I'm going to tell her she needs to make other arrangements.

no one here knows why she lives where she dies or why her kids go to a school that it's difficult to get to, but there are loads of reasons why it is like that. I'm sure the situation isn't something she loves either.

your DH sounds like a 1970's parent🤣

ChippySauce · 20/12/2024 04:44

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

Do you actually not like your DH @Owlsz ?

I'm finding your outrage at him really baffling.
He's entitled to his feelings and opinions on this since he is the one who's being taken for a ride (well, actually the CF's kids 😅)
Since you're so upset enough about letting your friend down to make a post on MN about him, maybe you should take and collect your CF friend's DCs to school for free every day, and your DH can take your own DCs.

SnoopySantaPaws · 20/12/2024 04:46

ChippySauce · 20/12/2024 04:44

Do you actually not like your DH @Owlsz ?

I'm finding your outrage at him really baffling.
He's entitled to his feelings and opinions on this since he is the one who's being taken for a ride (well, actually the CF's kids 😅)
Since you're so upset enough about letting your friend down to make a post on MN about him, maybe you should take and collect your CF friend's DCs to school for free every day, and your DH can take your own DCs.

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Yeah that would be a sensible thing to do, both drive to the same school🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

if you'd read her posts, you'd know she can't as she's already at work by then.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/12/2024 04:51

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

I think about 3 people who think you are being reasonable have posted supportive comments. The rest of the 748 comments (so far) support your DH.

School mum friendships normally develop because their children are friends. If these 2 children aren't friends with your children, it must be reallly awkward and uncomfortable for your children and your DH to have them in the car for 40 minutes per day, every single week day, excluding school holidays.

Your DH is sacrificing quality time with his own children every school day and your children are being forced to share a lift with children that aren't even their friends.

Your friend will need to find someone else to take on this absolutely massive favour, preferably someone whose children are good enough to invite to her children's parties.

ThatKhakiMoose · 20/12/2024 04:51

That's crazy not to invite the kids of the dad who drives them to school every day!!!

That being said, I wouldn't take the lifts away from the kids. Their parents' behaviour isn't their fault. I'd just seethe in silence and make snide remarks behind the parents' backs like normal people. 😂😂😂

Bubblebuttress · 20/12/2024 04:52

Time to dump this one sided arrangement . It’s so very rude of them to not invite your kids who are now left out

Morsecode · 20/12/2024 04:53

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

What an extraordinary amount of spite you have against your own husband.

IF, and only if, this is not a reverse and you are not the CF friend, then the only thing you can do is take time off work or find another job so that you can be free to drive this friend's children to and from school.

InWalksBarberalla · 20/12/2024 04:54

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 16:21

What does that mean? Isn't marriage a partnership?

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Well apparently not when it comes to supporting your husband who is sick of being taking advantage of.
But yes when it comes to claiming credit for his effort.

ChippySauce · 20/12/2024 04:57

SnoopySantaPaws · 20/12/2024 04:46

Yeah that would be a sensible thing to do, both drive to the same school🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

if you'd read her posts, you'd know she can't as she's already at work by then.

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Yeah I was being sarcastic 🤪

HelplessSoul · 20/12/2024 04:58

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

Then your CF friend cannot expect your DH to drive her kids for free to school.

Your apathy is astounding.

Your DH wouldnt be wrong in turfing you out as well given that you are NOT supporting him and instead are defending your CFCUNT friend.

You really are special. 🤦‍♂️

Wordsmithery · 20/12/2024 05:02

You describe the mum as 'my friend' rather than 'our friend'. Your husband may feel unappreciated and burdened by giving your friend's kids a lift every single day when he'd probably rather just be taking his own. To him, it may feel like a bit of a piss take that your kids haven't been invited despite the massive favour he does.
And while I can see that the guest list is down to the birthday child, it would have been nice if the parents had persuaded them to include your DC under the circumstances.
And what kind of person sends their child to a school which they can't get to without relying 100% on others?

itsmabeline · 20/12/2024 05:06

I agree with your DH.

workstealssleep · 20/12/2024 05:08

Do they pay for petrol? I am with your DH. How inconsiderate. As a thank you for his kindness every morning, the least they could do is invite your dc.
I think taking 4 kids to school daily is a big thing. They should be very grateful.

Calamitousness · 20/12/2024 05:13

Team husband. Your friend is indeed a fool and a user. Your child should have been an automatic invite as an acknowledgment of the favour done for them daily. If that meant another child couldn’t go, so be it. You asked for opinions, the vast majority get why this not ok. Time to tell your friend to seek other transport and apologise to your husband for calling him petty and unreasonable online. He’s been exceptionally generous so far and now he’s both taking a stand for common decency and your child. Good man.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/12/2024 05:15

Thinking about this again, I reckon the OP's husband has been unhappy with the arrangement for a long time and was looking for any excuse to say he was stopping.

As long as the OP's friend hadn't done anything "wrong" (other than expecting a lift every day and never doing anything for the OP's husband in return) he probably didn't feel able to just refuse because it would have made him look like an arsehole. He needed to be able to justify stopping on the basis of something the OP's friend had done, and this new information that their DC are not even close friends was the excuse he was looking for.

Both the OP and her friend have been taking him for granted.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/12/2024 05:16

SnoopySantaPaws · 20/12/2024 04:43

I agree with you, but I was trying to read the whole thread before posting.

even your DC understand whilst they'd have enjoyed it, that the other kid wants to invite his friends ( not the kid if the Dad that does his mum a favour.

they're of an age where friendship groups matter at school & they should have kids inflicted on them at the cost of not being able to invite all their own friends.

a bit different if they were a bit younger & at a huge soft play or hall party.

DH is just using it as an excuse for not having the balls to say 'I'm fed up of taking her kids to school, I'm going to tell her she needs to make other arrangements.

no one here knows why she lives where she dies or why her kids go to a school that it's difficult to get to, but there are loads of reasons why it is like that. I'm sure the situation isn't something she loves either.

your DH sounds like a 1970's parent🤣

Show quote history

Well OP's kids shouldn't have these two kids, who aren't even their friends, inflicted on them for 40 minutes every single day.

Also, what is a 1970's parent? Someone who does a massive favour for a cheeky fucker who doesn't appreciate it? Someone who sticks up for his own children, unlike his wife who is more bothered about her friendship with this cheeky fucker than her own child's feelings?

Calmhappyandhealthy · 20/12/2024 05:16

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 23:19

18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments.

The child are 10/11 and they are at that age where the invites aren't decided by mum and dad, but are decided by the child themselves.

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

Oh
My
God

You are STILL supporting your cunty friend?

Your POOR DH

Of course no one would expect extra spaces to be found at the party for your children if your cunty friend reciprocated in some way for the TEN lifts a WEEK which DH gives her children

But cunty friend DOES NOT RECIPROCATE in any way for the 10 lifts a week

Ergo.....hooray! Here is an opportunity for cunty friend to (in a small way) pay your family back. for those fucking lifts

Does she?
No she does not

She is a lift scrounging CFer and you apparently refuse to see it 🤬 and refuse to support DH

buttonousmaximous · 20/12/2024 05:25

Maybe your husband is sick of running around after them. It's perfectly reasonable to change the arrangement if it's not working but he does need to give her a bit of notice

Yessssssscxxx · 20/12/2024 05:36

I'm with your husband on this.

Wanttobefree2 · 20/12/2024 05:37

I’n team husband! If the kids are 10/11 they are old enough to understand that sometimes they have to invite people to their party because it’s the right thing to do. I feel bad for your kids and husband having these additional kids forced on them everyday, what a drag!

YorkshireLass2012 · 20/12/2024 05:40

OP, I feel you need to rethink your priorities and boundaries. Why are you putting your “friend” and her children ahead of your DH and own children?

Your DH who is doing this daily favour and taking on the responsibility of someone else’s children is perfectly entitled to change his mind and stop carrying on even if there was some quid pro quo.

As per previous posters, your DC is good enough to share the school run on a daily basis with but not good enough to invite to a party. On top of this, your DH doesn’t appreciate your friend’s attitude for whatever reason. So why on earth would you choose to support your “friend” against your DH and DC?

Please grow a backbone, show some self respect and be a better role model in terms of boundaries for your DC. It really isn’t acceptable to be treated like a mug by so called friends. And you certainly don’t want your DC to grow up to think this is normal.

FloydWasACat · 20/12/2024 05:40

Sorry OP, but Team DH

myladybelle · 20/12/2024 05:42

The kids travel each day together to school! Yes, they should have been invited. Team DH.

stonebrambleboy · 20/12/2024 05:48

You can bet your friend will drop you like a hot potato when DH stops the lifts.
I really hope he sticks to his guns and doesn't back down on this because you are giving him grief.

Yesiknowdear · 20/12/2024 05:51

Owlsz · 19/12/2024 16:11

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I'm petty too. I'd be pretty annoyed TBH. I'd think, so we're good enough to take your kid to school. Close enough to them even to do it daily because that's your time of need, but celebrating the kids birthday, we're not invited?
And no, citing cost isn't an excuse when it would cost her in wrap around care/ lost earnings to get her kids to school otherwise.

Your husband has been kind, and inviting your kids would have been a small token of kindness back that could have cost less than she will need to pay weekly for the help she needs now.