DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Your husband is right.

I think the "friend" must be the OP. How else to explain the shocking lack of social awareness and choosing the "friend's" side over the husband?

I have an idea if you're so worried about the friendship then you drive her kids to school. Your husband owes your friend nothing. I feel sorry for your child and husband you don't seem to care about their feelings and your loyalty should be with them not your friend.

Good point

I'm with your DH on this. Your friend sounds like a CF. She should ask one of her dc friends parents to give them a lift instead since your dc are not close enough.

If this is true it’s a reverse. There is not a sane person in the world who wouldn’t agree with the DH on this.

My friend has no other means of transport
As they're 10/11 are they expecting your dh will drive them to secondary as well?

If marriage is a partnership, you should be respecting your DHs decision and not putting your friend over him. I’m on his side with this one and would feel the same as he does.

also, the fact that you say as well as DH giving her kids lifts, the mum is also your friend which, imo, makes it even worse that she hasn’t included your child. She’s not even attempting to pretend you matter to her, there’s no way I’d not invite your child under these circumstances.

This. You can do the drop offs yourself to make you and your friends happy. She can also ask the parents to her children’s real friends to do that.
with the below

’18% of posters think I am being reasonable but none of them are posting any comments’

I’m one of the 18% and I agree with your dh. I didn’t understand the voting as I thought you’re asking if dh is being reasonable or being unreasonable so I clicked yanbu to mean dh is not being unreasonable.

Clearly OP only posted so she could say to DH - hundreds of women on Mumsnet think you’re unreasonable - I’m right!

You seem to prioritise your friends needs over your family’s and being rude about your DH at the same time

He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse

OP, you never did elaborate on this, despite being asked several times. So there’s an “attitude” problem, AS WELL AS the CFery of expecting two lifts per day with no thanks, and then snubbing your DC instead of extending an invitation when they’re so much in your debt.

I hope your DC and DH enjoy their quality father/child time together at last, without this unappreciated imposition.

You can change your vote: just click on the other one.

Tbh if I were the other mom I’d be going out of my way to do something to keep someone who did every morning school run for me happy. Telling my child that they had to invite your kid is a very low effort way to keep your dh happy. And the The very bare minimum she could do.

How long is your dh supposed to ferry this kid around?

they are taking the pis.

Surely the friend can ask the parents of the kids who did make the cut to give them a lift every day.

Yup CF piss takers. Your dh is fed up with being a doormat. Good for him. Limited party numbers is totally irrelevant given the huge favour you are doing for her every single day. Even committing to that kind of arrangement in the first place is a bit much. Your poor dh.

Maybe not. But if someone was doing a massive favour for me, I would be looking for ways to thank them and keep them onside. I suspect if this was the case, your husband may not feel so strongly about the lack of a party invitation.

And if you can't expect them to include your DC to keep your husband happy, you also can't expect your husband to keep doing a massive favour if he doesn't want to.

This is a reverse, isn't it?

You are the CF who has got your mate's husband providing a free taxi service, you have scored an own goal by not inviting their kids to the party and now you want the MN vipers to back you up.

Not going to happen.

I think you are vein. Unbelievably petty OP. You are putting your friend's feelings above those of your DC and DH then lecturing people about marriage being a partnership.

By this you mean it is a dictatorship where your DH has to do what you want,despite legions of posts saying your DH has every right to end the CF arraangements in place. Then you double down on you still being right and castigate the 18% of posters you think supporting you for not saying why. I guess you were hoping for additional points to make to your husband to justify why you are prioritising your friend over your family?

I feel sorry for your DH tbh. Are you giving him the silent treatment until he does what you want him to?

Must admit I am totally gobsmacked by the bare faced cheek of your "Friend".

What a user! Doesn't buy your DH the odd bottle, doesn't offer anything towards petrol etc. and then doesn't think your kids are worth the cost of 2 extra party places. And you call this friendship?

Sorry OP, but to use a very old Mnet phrase, you really do need to give your head a serious wobble. She is most certainly NOT your friend.😡

Well they are of an age where it needs explaining that if they have a party, although certain people might not be their first choice, if these people do them a favour that they want to continue with then you invite them to the birthday party and if you can’t afford the party then you don’t have one.

Your friend is a cheeky f*ker and needs to understand that certain things you do if you rely on someone for free favours

I can guarantee she will spend more getting her dc to and from school than 2 extra people at a party would have cost her.

I agree with your husband. He is facilitating her life, the children travel together every morning, your children would have liked to attend, did your friend not think of that? I think she should have invited just to be polite. Not to mention that she's saying that she doesn't want to spend money on your children, yet, she's saving on gas because she's not the one driving hers.
She's taking your husband for granted, and he would be a doormat if he continued to just driving her kids around.

If the kids decided not to invite your DC, their mother had to tell them. We live in a society and people get offended easily and in this case, many people would have been offended. Obviously nobody has to live their lives to satisfy others, but you have to live with the consequences of the fall out. If your children wanted to attend (these kids must be somehow their friends even if not the closest), I would think you would have their backs.
Yes, life doesn't revolve around them, but it is uncomfortable to get help and then not invite. Inviting someone has a meaning and here, the message is that they are not important enough despite travelling in their car every morning.

Yeah, it does seem odd.

It doesn’t affect you so why are you so keen to jump on his case?

Taking other people's kids to and from school is a PITA. It's often inconvenient to some extent, changes the dynamic with your own DCs and takes away from time with your own DCs. I would hate to do it everyday.

I can imagine your DH feels a bit aggrieved with this one sided arrangement which on the face of it looks so easy, but s probably adding stress to his day.

He maybe reasoned that the kids are pals so he's doing a good deed. But actually the bottom line is that he's the one left doing all the running around with taking primary school children to and from school and your friend does bugger all in return and your kids aren't friends anyway so there's not even that fall back on.

Maybe also the kids were talking about the party in front of your DCs which he felt upset about.