DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I think the near 100% of comments disagreeing with your take is a more accurate representation of people’s opinions. Your husband is doing your friend a massive favour every school day. Why shouldn’t she make a small effort to keep him happy? He’s not even the one who would be attending the party!

Sucks to be her then. She lost her free! chauffeur.

Why are you sticking up for her instead of supporting your husband setting a boundary with a user?

@Grammarnut

You're team husband but voted against the husband?

🙄😂

I'm still friends with the guys my parents used to do this for. They've been brilliantly good friends over the years, even though they were quite a bit older than me - in secondary when I was in primary.

Glad you came back to the thread OP. No one was attacking you and I thought you might be more reflective. But after your latest update I think you are inviting opprobrium. Or maybe this is some kind of reverse as it’s hard to believe you could be so blinkered.

That 18% was your "friend" and her two kids voting several times.

Sorry but I’m definitely with your husband on this one! It’s so cheeky she’s not invited your children, who on earth does she think she is expecting free lifts every single day to not spend an extra £30-40 max on inviting your children to the party of the friend they are forced to share their mornings and after school journeys with each and every single day doing this rude woman a favour! Im sure it will cost her a lot more than that next year now and rightly so! Do not force your husband to give them lifts, they aren’t his children and so he’s got zero responsibility towards them whatsoever and more than likely only agreed originally because he wanted to please you.

I was a young teen in this situation. Shared lifts to and from school between 3 families and I had to sit in a car with girls who were cruel to me (but done very sneakily so it wasn’t overtly obvious) from ages 11-16. I was so glad when they went to college and I stayed at the school 6th form.

I had an injury and was on crutches for weeks with a full leg cast and I remember my mum dropping us off and them getting out of the car and walking off without me. I asked my mum in later life why she didn't stand up for me with them but she wasn’t able to answer.

So I agree with your DH here.

If your dh is your friend's only transport method for getting her kids to school what did she plan to do when her kids got into the school?

So what was the point in posting in AIBU, @Owlsz ? Did you just want everyone to piss all over your DH so you could feel better about telling him off or something? You have 28 pages of people telling you that you're being unreasonable. And yet when you've come back, you just call out to the meagre 18% of silent voters who are either on your side or accidental votes, or just trolls.

Tbh, I wouldn't have asked my DH to do it to begin with if she's not even giving cover for fuel, but this takes the piss really. He's got every right not to do it.

18% of 2096 people is not a lot of people, it's up to your DH whether or not he wants to continue doing the favour

Does your friend contribute to fuel money?
Or buy you a Xmas present, even a box of biscuits or any kind of token to say thank you for the lifts?

If not, I'm with your hubby on this!

He doesn't have to. She isn't his problem!
Neither are her kids.

Does your DC even want to go to the party?

You'll just have to tell her that it doesn't work for DH anymore and you can't do it yourself due to work commitments, so she'll have to make new arrangements for the new year.

Your DH has been doing you a huge favour doing this for your friend. It's not even his own friend. If he's no longer willing, you need to tell your friend. Your DH has been very generous with what he has done so far and letting you volunteer his time for it.

I don't think your child should have been invited to keep your husband happy.
They should have been invited as a show of appreciation of his stopping off 5 days a week to collect her child and take them to school.

She doesn't appreciate it one bit.....

I think your husband should stop with immediate effect!!

They may be embarrassed if it looks like they're being invited as a favour to their parents!
It sounds like the kids are all friends but not super close friends, and the party is limited to the close friendship group.
The favour should be repaid to the parents. OP didn't say yet if they've ever discussed petrol money, so it depends a bit if the arrangement started with OP's family offering the lifts or the other family asking. (Either way, offering money or a favour is polite). Either the DH should be happy helping out a friend or not, it shouldn't result in ditching the other kids over a party invite.

I hope the cheeky fucker Mum has seen it too!

You think your husband is not just petty, but unbelievably petty. Yet over 80% of responses agree with him. Can you really not consider that maybe he has a point?

I'm with you, plus your kids are going to feel weird if they're at the party with a close friend group they're not part of. Would be different if it was a whole class thing with only a few excluded. And your DC don't even mind.
But would the start of the new year be a good time to discuss petrol money or any other compromise that may suit your DH if he feels taken for granted?

Don't be surprised if your friend disappears from your life now you're not useful anymore.

She'll be gone faster than Bolt.
That type always are, onto the next mug.

So how long do you think your husband should be taking these kids to school every morning - like years?

I think your friend is tone deaf. I'd probably not do what your dh has said he'll do - lack the balls - but I think he is perfectly entitled to say no more favours. If your children aren't friends enough to go to the party then why are they friends enough to snag a free lift with? Every morning? your friend thinks your dh is a taxi service.

We did this for a neighbour when asked for 6 months. Got no thanks (literally dh said to me "that child (age 12) has never once said thanks to me getting out of my car even though my own children say thanks for the lift dad") never even got a letter of thanks or an xmas card from them and the one time I asked them to collect my children - a once off after months of bringing the kid to school - I got "Oh I suppose that might work, I'll have to see"

Your friend sounds oblivious to how social engagements and favours work.

Hahahahahaha