DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Your opening post said friend was inviting limited children due to cost, now it's lack of available space. Which is it op?

I voted YANBU because DH is being petty. But he does have a point and I can't see why the 'friend' does not realise that not inviting DC her DC have a lift with is a massive faux pas likely to cause problems.

Let me be part of the 82%... Your husband is picking up children every day to school and they haven't invited your kids to their birthday and you think your husband is at fault for feeling this isn't fair... You have lost your mind.
You are providing massive childcare and being treated like taxis. Your husband should refuse to take them again and you should give your head a serious mumsnet wobble (and my first!!!)

Bollocks! A 10/11 year old does what their parents (who are paying for the party) tell them to.

Your husband is doing them a massive favour every day, so keeping him happy should actually be quite high on their list of priorities.

Party invite situation would not faze me in the slightest, no need for your DC to attend if not in the same friendship group but offering lifts twice a day, 5 days a week year in year out is extreme. There’s no way I would commit to this, if she had to get taxis to get her kids to school and back every day you’re looking at roughly £1500 a year, that’s what she’s saving from yours / DH kindness. I’d be nipping that right in the bud especially with nothing in return as a small thank you! CF

Genuine question, what on earth does she do if you or DH are unavailable to take her kids, ie if your kids are off sick?
Do her kids not go to school?

Plus, the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

A) I would expect your DC to be prioritised given the massive favour your family is doing them.

B) In any event, this clearly is demonstrating that the kids are not particularly good friends. If I were your DH I would be very frustrated having to taxi kids who aren't even friends of the DC every weekday! It's bizarre to expect him to do this.

Completely bizarre post where the OP puts her friends selfishness above her husband and kids.

In fact, it is so weird, that I would bet money on it that OP is actually the friend in the situation.

Your husband is doing them a massive favour every day, so keeping him happy should actually be quite high on their list of priorities.

This seems to be the likely root of the problem. It's her friend, but his favour. And the OP attaches no cost to the favour, because she's never had to do it. The whole party thing is very likely just bringing her husband's resentment at her dismissing the whole pick-up thing as a nothing.

Does your friend show her gratitude in other ways to you, DH and DC? Such as Christmas presents or take you for all out for a meal etc

I’m with you dh. It might be on is way to work, but if still takes extra time. Your friend it being unreasonable to not invite your child, it’s only polite considering how much you do for them everyday. I’m surprised you don’t back your husband on this! You are very unreasonable

Text her that he has covid and the flu and gastro so won't be able to colllect her kids for at least a week or more. Amazingly she will cope.

If your friend can decide not to invite other children (and not your dc) to the party, that is her choice and you respect that. Just like your dh can decide which children he gives a lift to. It is very odd that you can’t respect his decision.

I said YANBU because your DH is a bit petty, but you should back him not your 'friend'. Your 'friend' is a CF. Your DH (not you) does her a massive favour and she never reciprocates anything. End of arrangement, I think. Give due warning that DH cannot do the lift anymore. Probably end of friendship - but it seems to have been a bit one way.

The party is a moot point.

Your dh does not need to take and collect these kids every day.

My dh couldn't even collect or take our kids to school so you and the other mum have benefitted massively.

I think you're both taking him for granted.

I'd say the same if the sexes where reversed too.

I think that is because the 18% are thinking like you do, so have nothing to add. I see your point about the kids being able to choose who they invite to their parties - why should they invite the kids of their mum's friends?

But why should your husband drive them to school and back? If I was asked to do this (and I regularly did these favours) by MY friend, I probably would, and the party wouldn't matter. But if it was once removed, and my husband was asking me to drive kids as a favour on his behalf, I would probably resent being told I was being unreasonable when I decided I didn't want to do it any more.

If you want to do it, fine. But if you want someone else to do it ... and he doesn't want to, I think you have to back him up. His time. His decision.

@Grammarnut

I feel for your husband if you voted YANBU.

I suspect that there's a massive backstory here, and that this was the final straw for your husband to say enough is enough

But we don't know if he is petty as @Owlsz has indicated that the party just might be the last straw of a number of grievances.

But we will never know, as she's happy to cling to her 18/19 per cent.

It's an unbelievable level of something, alright!

My husband is dead so you need not pity him. I am actually team husband here, but he is being a bit petty if the party thing is the cause of his decision. But having read the thread, I think he is pissed-off at being used and OP is oblivious to this.

Team husband in this case.

It would appear that your friend's children don't enjoy the company of your children enough to invite them to their party. So it would seem cruel to force the company of your children upon them every day in the confined quarters of a car. Definitely best for your DH to stop going out of his way to give them a daily lift.

The money your friend saves by your husband taking her children to school far out weighs the cost of paying for your d.c to go to the party. I'm with your husband on this.

I suspect the 18% are cheeky fuckers like your friend! Or wives who don't value their DH's time and opinions.

It's what you do isn't it, is a family near you can't get their kid to school and your car's big enough, you pick them up.

Remind your dh that you yourselves may need help one day, and when it happens, you can ask them.