DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I do hope OP’s DH has seen this thread.

I'm with your DH on this. Your friend is rude. She is the parent here, she should have included your child. I wouldn't be eager to help out the cheeky fucker either.

don't say it's "inconvenient". your DH doesn't want to do it any more. it's as simple as that. if pushed, you can explain it's because of the party, but frankly, it's your DH's call.

I'm Team Husband 100%.

honestly OP, i think it's right off that you've not backed him on this!

Exactly.

It's one thing to give kids a bit of influence over the guest list but parents (should) see the big picture, the potential politics of invitations, the need for some disadvantaged children to be included, etc etc. The birthday parent is an abject idiot for not ensuring that OP's kids made the cut.

Does she not get your husband a gift for all this running around??

It would be nice if your friend repaid the favour in some way, especially as its a pretty big favour if she has no other way to get her kids to school. Also, petrol money/offers of babysitting/something to help you and DH out would be the most appropriate way to repay the favour, not shoehorning your kids into a party for a different friend group. Your husband is the unreasonable one. Your kids are going to be embarrassed getting dragged into this! It's good for them to have friends outside their main friend group.
I'd change my mind maybe if your friend lives out of the way and the lift is a hassle for your DH.

I agree with husband.
If your friend is upset by husband's change of route next year (bypassing their home), suggest to friend that she offer to pay him ,,, but that it is totally his decision if he changes his route.

You're friend is taking the piss, and your husband doesn't share the same blindness to it that you do. But it's a "free" favour in your eyes, and you don't see the daily inconvenience to your husband.

And before you roll your eyes and say, "but it's on his way to work", think about it.

The daft woman has shot herself in the foot. It's a pain taking other people's kids to and from school EVERY day. Anyone else would be contributing towards petrol - and then some. No, I wouldn't be taking these kids anymore from Jan either.

YABU

You and your DH are being taken for a ride - and he can see it

Is it a bit petty. But I would say your DC should have been invited. There must be another way for them to get to school. What would happen if you moved??

Wow that’s a big favour he’s doing for her.

I wouldn’t dream of not inviting your child in these circumstances.

I don’t even think he’s being petty, his effort is clearly not appreciated. Time
to stop making it.

I completely agree with your husband. We also do a lift share and I would be extremely pissed off in the same situation!

Your friend is a rude arse who is taking advantage.

After a lifetime of being the person that people ask to help, then exclude from fun, I'm team DH.

Your 'friend' should be taking every opportunity to thank you. This is not about a party invitation, it's about the inconvenience to him & lack of thanks. If your friend offered some other kind of thanks - petrol money, babysitting, it'd be more even.

Either way, your DH is the one doing the extra work, and can decide to stop at any time.

Don't be surprised if your friend disappears from your life now you're not useful anymore.

I'm.on your husband's side I'm afraid.

What !!!

Apologise for what exactly?

Inconvenience ?

No don;t try and sugar the pill for her , she is a rude AF and really needs to know why the DH is rightly pissed off .

Has the party already been held? What if a last minute invitation was to wing it's way ( Shit , I've just killed the Golden Goose there ) . Hopefully your DH would be strong enough to decline , or if the DC want to go , attend ( and don't forget you need a present+card) then after the next holidays , tell her next term she can arrange her own child transport .

After a lifetime of being the person that people ask to help, then exclude from fun

Although I’ve already said I can see it from both POV, that line is oh so painfully true and really rang a bell for me 😂

But there aren't any offers of petrol money - it's a one way transaction,

Why should the DC be embaressed ? It;s their classmates /friends party .
If they were enemies then fair enough.
If it was the friends 30th Wedding Anniversary Dinner or cousins wedding then no , I wouldn;t expect an invitation But this is a child/ren they see every school day and accept a massive favour from (from the Dad anyway)

She doesn't pay you, and also isn't prepared to pay for your kids to attend her kid's party - why are you letting her treat your family that way? I don't think your husband is being petty, your friend has shown how much regard she holds your family in and he is rightfully asserting a firm boundary in response.

I’m with your DH too.

They don’t have to be best friends but seeing each other twice a day every day, they are bound to be friendly and so it’s a bit of a slap in the face to not invite them.

If she was paying you or doing you some favour regularly then it would be different.

How did this situation come about that DH is giving her kids a lift?

Team DH, tbh.

Although I do understand what a PP was getting at when she talked about the age of the kids and fitting someone else into an established friendship group

How old are they OP?

Team DH here.

Completely with your DH. Have over-ruled my DC's wishes for birthday party guests in the past if someone has done us a favour, it's totally non-negotiable. Your DH is not only not being petty, it's also totally believable and understandable.

We will never hear from OP again as it hasn't gone the way she wanted.

Your friend is some piece of work.
I am 100% with your husband.

Your friend has just be shown how petty and shortsighted she is.

You need to wake up and smell the roses.

Your husband is NOT petty.
He's just refusing to be massively obliging to someone whom clearly has zero appreciation for a huge favour.

She absolutely should have invited your child and it is unbelievable that she didn't.

Personally I wouldn't be bringing them from next monday, and I am not petty.

I'm not a mug who will be treated like one.