DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

She doesn't sound like a good friend . Your husband is doing her a huge favour . She sounds like a free loader.

Your friend is a fool.

Probably DH has felt fed up with the arrangement and used for some time already.

Team DH here!
And I think you're being cheeky too by saying we, it's not we, it's your DH doing all the work here so he has a right to be annoyed as this CF friend is being incredibly rude.

I'm really surprised she didn't offer any money towards the petrol in the first place.

If you were a guy and were saying this about your wife you'd be being torn to shreds!

I'm with him!

Team husband

Hmm I don't think you really have a friend, just someone taking advantage of your husband doing them a favour.

If she can't get her children to school that's her problem, not yours.

I think it would have been a decent gesture to invite your kids OP.

Reminds me of a friend who had 4 kids.
Lady over the road had 1 child...who was the friend and classmate of one of my friends children.

Neighbour starts new job and can't get back in time for school run.
My friend said no worries Amy can walk back with us and we will keep her for the half hour till you are back.
Anyway it ends up being nearer an hour but nothing was said.

Childs birthday,friend gives her a card and a present.
One day over the weekend my friend notices 3 girls from school going in house over the road.
The daughter Lucy says yes its her party today so Amy told me she wouldn't be playing.
Friend spoke to the neighbour and she said Amy was only allowed to invite 3 and there wasn't room for Lucy.
My friend said so I make room for a 5th child every single day but you couldn't manage it just once.
She ended the arrangement

I’m with your DH here. He has been a taxi for your ‘friend’ and her kid(s) free, gratis, and for nowt, and she can’t even extend a party invitation to your DC? Your kid might not mind that much but I can imagine your DH does, given his unpaid service to this ‘friend’. Bin her off. Don’t even give a thought towards how she gets her kids to school without the benevolence of your DH. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Team DH on this.

Clearly the OP doesn’t like the response she’s received, hence not returning.

Her husband has every right to refuse future lifts.

Also, can’t understand why the friend would send her children to school a twenty minute drive away when she has no method to get them there.

@cleanasawhistle well done to your friend!!

I don’t know how to vote because I can’t tell whether YABU means you are being unreasonable by telling your husband to just get on with it, or whether you are asking if your DH is being unreasonable for saying he won’t take them to school anymore.

Either way, I’m completely on your husband’s side!

He’s being completely used by that woman in order to make her life easier with no gratitude being shown.

I’d be doing the same as your husband.

So your family does them a huge daily favour and then they don't invite your DC because it doesn't suit them. That's CF territory! Team DH.

Well I guess there’s nothing you can do is there 🤷‍♀️. All you can do is apologise to your friend and say he is refusing to do the school run for her anymore. If she asks why I might just say it’s inconvenient.

I am with your husband. Her attitude to your family stinks. No way in hell I would carry on giving her kids a lift every day.

Team dh,

Silly, arrogant, ungracious friend.

YABVVU

Well since it's your husband doing all the schlepping about for your pal, it's up to him at the end of the day. I do understand not every child is invited to every party but the fact that he is doing such a big favour 5 days a week for absolutely nothing in return or any sort of appreciation, I do understand why this is a sticking point for him.

Your point about not doing favours to expect anything in return, I don't agree with. You expect a basic level of thanks and acknowledgement. A box of chocs or a bottle of wine every month or so goes a long way, as does a kids party invite, and she's going to be shelling out a lot more now she's going to have to get taxis every day or quit her job to take her own kids to school. She's been incredibly rude and thoughtless and maybe an expensive and valuable lesson for her.

I think I'm with your DH on this one.

It's called the norm of reciprocity. She hasn't reciprocated, so the arrangement is null and void.

But what is it about her attitude that your DH objects to?

You say he is also fed up with her attitude. What do you mean by that?

I'd stop the lifts if I were your husband. He's doing her a massive favour and she's just confirmed that she doesn't value that, or him, or your children. You're all nothing to her, despite her needing you/him/your children to function every day. No appreciation at all for the favour.