DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Team husband. He does that everyday for your friend to not give them a thought is insulting yes

Also Team DH.

I’m guessing that OP may be as much of a CF as her friend, with the level of expectation and lack of support for her DH. Not sure that she’ll be back.

Why is he taking them to school if they're not even friends? They've made it pretty clear what they think of you!

noworklifebalance Is your post a wind up?.

It would have been nice for them to invite your kid, but I agree, it shouldn't be a dealbreaker. It would be one thing if your kid was really really cut up about it and really wanted to go. But if they are genuinely in different friendship groups, and your child isn't upset by it, I don't see the problem personally.

What do you mean by 'grieved at her attitude '? I'm assuming that means there is something other than the party that was already annoying him?
And although normally I'd agree re invitations, it was pretty tone deaf of her to not consider inviting yours, she is getting a massive favour and not reciprocating at all.
Given the favour is solely being given by your DH then it's really down to him if he continues. And I'm sure it's not trouble free collecting 2 extra children each day, are they always ready and waiting by the road for him or does it add time to gis morning?

Team DH - your 'friend' will drop you like a stone once she realises your husband won't be taking her kids to school anymore because she'll have to move on and find another mug.

Team husband here. Your “friend” doesn’t seem to value the free lifts at all.

Your friend should not depend on your DH for her own children's transport to and from school. She got herself into this position basically by relying on favours to get her children to school. Very irresponsible. Your DH has every right to stop sending her children to school. They are not entitled to his service.

I agree with your husband. It’s incredibly kind he takes his time daily to transport her children to school. And she thinks inviting them to her child’s party is “too expensive”, without considering the massive cost she’s saving daily thanks to your husband?

This would be the end of the agreement and she can transport her own children to school. Go husband.

Stop voluntelling your husband to do things for your leech/friend that she doesn't show any appreciation for. Not inviting your kids when he is their freaking school chauffeur is big time disrespect.

He's setting a boundary that he's done being taken advantage of. That's not petty, that's awesome.

I don't think he's being petty tbh
Like, she has no other means of getting her child to school so where's her gratitude?
I feel like she's a bit shameless and should've been trying to make you happy at least?
Otherwise, why not pay the taxi driver?

She doesn't pay us.

I too can see his point.

"What does that mean? Isn't marriage a partnership?"

You've committed his time and energy to your friend. What are you bringing to the table? #TeamHusband

@Owlsz why do you think getting your friend's children to school is your dh's responsibility and not hers?!
When you say your dh is 'grieved by your friend's attitude', do you mean over this issue or in general? How long has he been doing the school run for her for no reward? Tbh I'm not surprised he's peed off with it. A party invitation for a child is the very least she could offer and she didn't even do that.

When we lift shared it was always on a turn and turn about basis, or I'd take a friend's kids to/from school for a week in exchange for her looking after mine for a day in the holidays sort of thing.

I think ur husbands behaviour is petty but the actions are not - it’s a boundary. This family have tipped it into piss take terrain and I'm with your OH and wish I had done this in my life more often tbh.

CF friend is cheeky expecting DH to provide free taxi ing to and from school. Who did their lifts before DH?

what happens if you’re on holiday / sick?

I’d let DH and CF sort this one out…

I've never said the husband couldn't stop giving the lift if he didn't want to. He should have stopped before if it was a problem. Doing it because of a birthday party (for someone his daughter isn't even friend with) is stupid IMO.

Interesting that the thread has now passed 20 pages but the OP hasn't been back since page 2. Guess she's feeling a bit sore that things very much haven't gone her way, as she was probably expecting a great show of support and agreement that her DH is indeed displaying 'an unbelievable level of pettiness'. I think I've only seen one post agreeing with her. Like almost everyone else here, I'm Team DH, and it's great that he's put his foot down and won't allow this freeloader to take any more advantage of him.

Marriage yes. Providing free taxi for a CF or not is his prerogative though.

This!

I too am wondering about your husband's issue with your friend's attitude. Does she get arsey if he's late or anything like that?

Another one onTeam DH.

I'm with your DH on this one. The least this person could do is invite your DC to the birthday party.