DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I agree with your husband. She should have at least extended an invite. Very rude of her not to!

Im with your dh too. That is just rude. Two lifts every day! She is taking advantage.

This! It’s ridiculous that she is getting free transport for her children, and can’t be sweet enough to invite them. You’re ever so kind for doing it without the expectation of return favours as this isn’t a trait many people have nowadays, but this wouldn’t have been a big thing for her to do. What would she do if you moved out of the area/moved the children to a different school etc? Time for her to line up her next victim.

Car time is also a great time to hear about your kids day, they will tell you all sorts that you need to hear before they settle down to homework etc. don’t take that away for the benefit of someone else’s kids.

calling your DH petty is pretty nasty OP

I’m with your DH. She doesn’t consider your DC to be friends so why be such a huge help to her?

Another team husband here ✋🏻
Friend is a huge pisstaking CF, husband is the one doing all the running around so he's entitled to be pissed off!

Well then the parent giving the lift is no longer in agreement to being used. No matter his reason, he’s well within his rights to stop giving lifts that he does not want to.
I’m team husband, she must either be so thick or entitled to think excluding the child of the person who takes your kids to school daily from a party would not backfire. Even if the lifts didn’t stop, there would be some resentment in a way.
She didn’t consider you friends enough or your children friends with hers to get an invite so why would she then expect your dh to keep treating her as a friend. She really hasn’t thought this through

Sorry but your attitude has mug / people pleaser written all over it. Team Dh. Sod her. She’s shot herself in the foot now.

So your husband does this every day for your friend? That is not a favour. A favour is once if someone is stuck. I’m with your dh on this and I’d be finishing up with ‘the favour’

But she’s YOUR friend?

She doesn’t offer any money or do anything in return it seems?

I think it’s incredibly rude of her to not invite your kids and I agree with him.

Of course, but I don't think that means you can take the credit for taking someone else's kids to school when it's your DH doing the actual taking.

I also think that telling someone who's driving your two kids to and from school every single day for nothing that their kid won't be invited to the event because of the cost of it is a bit rich.

I think you're expecting a lot of your DH, who's doing your friend the favour for you, and your kids, who are having to sit in a car with kids they're not particularly good friends with and didn't even get to do whatever the exciting event was for his birthday.

In that case she absolutely should have invited your DC.

Also, she obviously knows that it was a bit crap not to invite your kids or she wouldn't have offered you an explanation.

I love how "marriage is a partnership" until the husband has an issue with something and would like some support with it. How very... convenient 😂

I don’t think it’s great for kids to see their parents as push overs for other people.

Well out of the primary years but looking back every time I thought Dh was being abit harsh with other kids / parents he was dead right to be.

Well done your show. Your friend is a user.

Also team DH. Your family is being mugged off by a CF, your DH has grown a spine and put a stop to it. Good for him 👏

I’m on team dh here. It’s inconvenient stopping and picking up other peoples children. He’s doing a massive favour but she doesn’t consider your children close enough friends to invite to a party. What a user.

I think it’s really unfair for you to volunteer him to do an open ended job for your friend too. Car time is great for talking to your kids it’s not the same when you’re ferrying around additional kids.

Team DH, if someone was taking my kid to and from from school everyday the least I could do is host their kid and a birthday party. It’s rude, she’s taking advantage, you are a doormat tbh and you’ve roped your family into being walked over too. Good on your Dh for refusing to be one.

Team DH here. He's standing up for your DC. It's a really shitty thing to do. They see each other every day, and given the enormous favour you're doing her, a party invitation is a small sacrifice. Not sure why you value her friendship so much if this is what she does...

With DH how rude of her

Not petty enough, I'd be tooting the horn and waving to the "friend" as I passed her on the way.

You don't have to at all.
She's no friend.

I think you’re looking at this from a very strange angle -
it seems obvious that your DH is sick of being taken for a mug and the non-invite is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Nothing petty about it.

I really hope OP takes on board how rude this “friend” is and how much of a CF this “friend” is.

OP, if I was in your shoes, I would be supporting my husband because he has the correct response and attitude to no longer want to enable the entitlement of your so-called friend.

Good luck.