DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

For a time when I was a child our next door neighbour drove us to school with his children. I hated it. They were always running late. I didn't have anything in common with the other children, who were younger than me. It was a relief when that phase ended.

<random memory thrown in>

It's a bit petty.

But it was extremely thick of her not to invite your dc. And I don't blame him.

And yes marriage is a partnership, so what, he is doing the lifts.

So if you were to cook dinner, or paint a room in your house, or clean the car, you'd be perfectly happy with your husband telling someone, "Yes, we cooked that meal/painted that room/washed the car," would you? Somehow I doubt it.

Your husband is the one doing the favour; you are doing fuck-all. If he doesn't want to do it anymore, that's totally up to him.

You say "we" but it's him that is doing a HUGE favour. HUGE. Being responsible for the school run is stressful, let alone for someone else's kids.

Day in, day out, and then they can't be bothered to offer hospitality "due to the cost of the event" ?? Well, let them find out going forward what daily taxi service costs them.

Totally on Team Husband here. He's not being petty at all. And it's his call, not yours, to offer rides or withdraw rides. I should think you'd support him.

It's bizarre your dcs weren't invited. Really rude.

Well said, now we’ve established that your friend appears not to have expressed gratitude for this massive favour in any way three months into the school year.

Completely agree with your DH.

Your freeloading, piss-taker friend is an absolute idiot for sending her kids to a school she can't get them to. What does she do when your DH is ill or on holiday? What would she do if he got a different job or you moved away?

He is saving her an absolute fortune and doing her a huge favour and she can't spend, what, ten, fifteen quid to add one extra child to the party? Even if she absolutely couldn't add them (e.g. they are going swimming and the rules are max 3 children to 1 adult) then she should have offered to take him a separate time to make up for it. And she should be giving your DH petrol money at the very least, not to mention buying him drinks or another biggish gift every term, offering you free babysitting, etc.

Another one who’s Team Husband.

Although I don’t think it’s just about him. Your dc share their space with these children, who apparently aren’t even their friends for over 3 hours a week. An invite to the party would be a nice way to show appreciation for the inconvenience/intrusion that they experience every day too.

I'm with you OP.
The lift is an arrangement between the parents, not the kids. They can invite who they want to their birthday party, and if they are limited in place they shouldn't have to include "their parents' friend's kid".

Team Husband too. Your friend is a CF.

Sometimes, there are things you have to do because it is the decent thing to do. Even if it's not what you want to do, or too expensive, or different friendship groups...surely the kids sitting in the car for 40 mins every day have built up some sort of a relationship that warrants a measly invitation to a party! She's an entitled CF. I actually cannot believe people are calling your husband petty. I would tell your friend that unfortunately your husband is unable to bring the children from the new year. See what happens then!

Giving the children left to school every day is a huge favour. He was probably doing it as he thought the children were your children's friends. Now he knows they're not, I don't blame him for not wanting to give a lift anymore. Your friend has been taking him for granted.

I don’t think it is petty actually. Stopping the car and picking extra children, every day, is quite a hassle for him, yet he’s done it.

To not invite his child to a party, given they’re in the same class etc is not on. It would have been an easy way of showing gratitude for the favour he’s done.

I don’t think I’d want to carry on doing the lifts either, in his shoes.

I think your husband is right. Your friend’s child spends time with yours every day on the way to school yet isn’t considered a friend? Seems very mean spirited of your friend not to give an invite.

Team husband and I think you are a very foolish woman. If someone was doing this MASSIVE FAVOUR for me then I would invite their child even if it's out of obligation. Fine if you want to be a MUG, but don't drag your dh down too. He isn't petty at all.
This friend doesn't do a single thing to repay the kindness and has the audacity to blatantly not invite your child- you really are a mug.

I would pay a significant amount to see the look on the CF's face when she realizes she has stupidly done herself out of an extremely cushy arrangement.

The idea that she hasn't even offered money for petrol is astounding, but to exclude the two kids whose family gets hers to school and back every day is beyond thick, entitled and short-sighted.

I wouldn't say your husband is petty ..I think it was very mean from your friend not to invite your children, especially as she doesn't reciprocate or give fuel money.

I’m with your husband on this

This isn’t petty at all. Your husband is picking up and taking her two kids to school every day (and because she doesn’t drive surely picking up and bringing home), doesn’t give you anything for it and the kids are the same age and friendly.

She says thank you by inviting your child to her kids birthday. It’s a sign of appreciation and quite frankly polite.

She is being petty by not inviting your child. Your husband is right.

Since it’s your husband doing this he doesn’t owe her or those kids anything. Her ignorance at the slight to you is palpable. You taking her side and calling your hubby petty isn’t cool either.

Team DH here. Also a good learning opportunity for your kid.

Why would you consistently put yourself out for people who have so little consideration or respect for you?

I think it's extremely rude of your friend not to invite your DC.

I agree with your husband.

How much more can one kid cost? It's just polite.

Yeah I’m kind of with him. 5yo DD wasn’t invited to the party of a girl in her class, despite me regularly helping her parents by having her round to our house after school so they didn’t have to fork out for after school club. I packed that in sharpish once I got wind of being NFI’d.

Your "friend" is no friend. Even if she invited your children to the party, it's not enough to repay your husband for all the work he's done. She absolutely should have been paying for this service from the very beginning.

I don't think he's petty. Your "friend" is a user. You say we, but it's your husband helping, you aren't there so it's not a "we" situation. While not everyone gets invited to every party, it's unbelievably rude that they can't invite your children giving cost as a reason when your husband is saving them a LOT when they don't even contribute. Its a huge ask to do that for another family every day and sounds like it's not appreciated

To be fair expecting him to ferry her kids around is CF, to not even invite you to things while constantly taking is also CF.

Its not just about the party but the whole entitlement... her kids getting to school is not you DH burden to carry.