DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I just couldn’t ask this of someone. I would never outsource the entire school run there and back (and a long drive at that) to another parent every single day. She has some brass neck. And you too OP for expecting this of your DH then saying ‘we’ You don’t do the school run ever either.

No wonder your DH is completely fed up.

This is bizarre. You have nothing to do with this arrangement - it's between your husband and your friend and your husband wants out. He's the only vote here so he can stop whenever he likes.

My friend takes my son to football twice a week with his own son - he's the coach and it's complicated with my daughter's clubs. But whenever they need a babysitter and any time it's inconvenient or he's away for work we do it because we aren't lazy and are happy to work together to make this happen. Your friend doesn't seem to have a backup plan which is confusing. Is this really meant to continue for 10 or so years?

Team husband here! And echoing a PP that the kids probably chat about the party in the car at some points, awkward.

Your 2 passive and a people.pleaser. end of day the children of your friend don't like your children therefore why should your children have to be in the same car as someone who treats their mum.like a door mat and doesn't like them if they liked them.they would invite to the party. It isnt your issue she can't take them.to school. She isnt your friend she's grabby. How.often do.you see said friend do.you have to do something for her all the time.

It is a partnership but independence within a partnership is normal, isn’t it ? Your DH drives these children to school. Not you. If your DH decides he doesn’t want bring these children to school, it’s his decision, not yours.

I applaud your DH for refusing lifts from the new year. These children travel to school each day, free of charge, with yourself children and their Mum didn’t have the manners to invite your children to their party.

Don’t blame him. 20 mins isn’t that far. She’ll have to walk and if she’s working sort out an alternative.

Does she ever says thanks or give him a gift or offer petrol money ??! She sounds incredibly thick skinned. Did you volunteer your husbands services or did he offer? If not the latter then he’s perfectly entitled to not want to do it anymore as her kids clearly don’t consider yours friends. Why should he put himself out. He’s not being petty, she’s pissed him off because she’s rude!

Your husband is right,
Plus your kids actually want to attend! She is being a CF!

I'm team husband here. However, I would advocate for a discussion between your dh and your friend.

Your friend have her kids pick up every day by someone with two kids as a favour and she and her kids can't written an invite for them even if they decline to assist because they are not very close.
I think she is the one who is petty tbh.

I am team DH all the way!

Your friend is a cheeky cow and I'm amazed you can't see it and have created a thread about how petty he is when he is doing a massive favour to your friend every day.

Her attitude stinks. I sure as hell would be inviting the DC her children share a car journey with for 40 minutes every single day, as well as getting you both a lovely Christmas present. It's not about being transactional, it's about not being a cheeky fucker.

As if! OP's friend sounds like the last person who would ever do someone a favour. Her DH takes her friend's 2 children to and fron school every single day (40 minutes in total) and she has never offered a penny for petrol.

The friend is the total dick, not OP's DH.

Are you serious your poor husband. That woman is not your friend she is sponging of your husband for free lifts. Tell her to book them taxi's in the new year. You should be defending your child and your husband not your dodgy pretend friend.

It’s a 20 minute drive. Why on earth she sent them to a school she couldn’t get them to, who knows. Did she expect this to continue for years?

She’ll need to make other arrangements. A closer school, a taxi, her DH, a childminder takes them. Basically figure it out like every working parent does..

Don’t blame him. 20 mins isn’t that far. She’ll have to walk and if she’s working sort out an alternative.

It's a 20min drive!

I think I can kinda see your husband point...

Is she more likely to contact you or your DH ?

If she phones you " Hi , Jane , something Barry said ...is he not picking up Jenny and Dave next term ? Or did I get this mixed up "

Saying "Well you;d need to speak to Barry about that" passes the buck .
She's your friend , you can say to her " Yes it would've been nice to invite my two don;t you think . when you think how much help we've given you. Just shows us how little you think of us really "
And in this case it would be "we" as I'm guessing its the family car even though it;s DH time .
United front and he knows you have his back and CF Friend knows she can go tattling to the other spouse that its "unfair"

I’m with your DH on this one.
She is very rude considering the amount of help you’re giving her.

I agree with him. I know parties are expensive but he's saved her a fortune in time. How she gets her DC to school is her problem not yours.

I've just realised that he doesn't just drop them at school every day. He also collects them every day so you all have to fix your plans around 'friend's' DC! This gets worse. You should be supporting your DH @Owlsz instead of starting threads on MN criticising him. I hope you show him this thread.

Sorry but I think your hubby has being doing her a huge favour - your kids are friends enough to share car journeys each school day! He's also reasonably said he'll do it to X point to give her time to sort out another option. Seriously, the least she could have done is invite your child to the party. Huge snub I think.

He probably feels he's been a right mug!

Taking kids who are even friends with his own.

Really he can just say he's had enough can't he?

Isn't that what plenty of women are told on here when they post about this?

Team husband. In the event of an accident would your husband's insurance be invalidated? No doubt she would be shouting from the rooftops that he brings them every day. Regardless, your friend who you seem to respect more than your partner would sue the backside off your family if one of her children even broke a fingernail.
It's pathetic that you seem more concerned by the behaviour of a user than her abusing your 'friendship' and sticking 2 fingers up at your husband and children.

Sorry, but I'm 100% with him. Your friend is a right user!

I'm with the majority of posters on here, your 'friend ' is a cf and your DH is in the right.

She’s committed the equivalent sin to biting the hand that feeds her.

I am also on Team DH.