DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

'He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse'

Sounds like he has a valid reason and the lack of invitation is more of a last straw.
For your friend not to invite your child, given everything, is actually rude.

Taking someone else's children to and from school every day is a big ask. Maybe he's just pissed off doing it, and this has given him a convenient reason to stop. However your friend is a CF, not even an offer of petrol money or even a token payment. I'm surprised that your concern is mainly for her, and not for how your husband or DC might feel. She's also pretty stupid to enrol her kids in a school with no means of getting them there.

But you (pl) are not doing the favour, he is!

In all honesty I would be very disappointed in my friend if they did something like this. Close friends or not, your children are spending time together daily and it seems rude that she wouldn’t include them when your husband provides daily help.
does she see your husbands point at all?

Come on @Owlsz - surely you could see the thread going this way when you posted it?

100% on team husband. She's mugging you all off. What were her plans for getting her kids to school before your husband stepped in?

Perhaps your husband is sick of taking someone else’s kid to school daily. It’s a chore!

its really petty, mean, rude and ungrateful of your friend to exclude the children that her children travel with daily for free, and then cite cost as a factor!

the damage is done now,

So how long as he been doing this?

If the kids are young, your friend is being unreasonable. If more the 11-12 age then maybe not, but still as long as the kids get on then an invite would have been polite.

She doesn't pay per say, but do you get bottles of wine, chocolates your DH would like? Anything that indicates how appreciated this all is? Or is it just 'cheers for that'.

100% Husband is right and I hope by next year you mean 2025 and not September 2025 else he's being too nice.

Your 'friend' is a user and users end up only being put in their place by petty people.

#teampetty.

@TheCrenchinglyMcQuaffenBrothers I agree. Unless we're missing some relevant background info here, it looks to me like the op is showing controlling behaviour towards her husband.

Team Husband.

Having to take other people children to school is a ballache. And that's assuming that he has never had to sit outside the door and wait for them, or be inconvenienced by them in any way, even in increments of second or minutes which adds up to irritation and annoyance when compounded by days and weeks and months.

Your DH is doing this woman a massive favour and service. He is right to withdraw it for any reason that suits him. It sounds like the party thing is straw and camel.

It's all about her isn't it ?

Gobsmacked by your attitude here. Are you happy to let your husband do the donkey work and win brownie points from your 'friend' for it? What do you get out of this friendship if she won't even invite your kids?

I assume that during the 40 minutes that the children are in the car together (20 minutes there and 20 minutes back) every week day, your friend's children will be talking about their party to which neither of your children have been invited.

So, not only does your friend not offer any petrol money, she doesn't even have the manners to invite the child that is in the same class as the child having the party. I understand what your husband means about her attitude. She is an ungrateful user.

You aren't friends... She sees your dh as staff...
I am team dh...

I'm with DH- how unbearably rude of them not to invite your DC.

What a pisstake. Their lack of transport isn't your problem

He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I'm guessing that the decision is about more than just the lack of a party invitation.

I did this for one of DC's friends once a week last spring and it made me crazy that they were always running late or have forgotten to have breakfast or need to stay after 10 min to talk to a teacher or surprise need to be dropped off some place different. It was never just giving them a lift. They had no respect for my time. So yeah, I'm not doing it again next year. I can't imagine doing it every day with no thanks.

I’m with your husband on this. He’s doing a huge favour every single day and they can’t even invite your children to this party!!

Wise up OP. This person isn’t your friend, they’re a user.

What does she do if your DH is ill or not going?
Has she ever given him a thank you gift or any sign of appreciation? I think she should have invited them.

Your husband is not wrong, perhaps it's the straw that broke the camels back. This Is your friend and maybe you have to accept he does not want to do it, and this is the way out if it.
What would she have done if your husband did not take them? She needs to sort out her own arrangements.

Yep - team husband.

Marriage is a partnership - you and your husband - not you and your friend!

I hated other kids in the car, it’s missed family time for chats!!

Hang on...I've just re-read the OP. He takes and collects all the kids! So your kids can't do afterschool clubs, sports etc unless your friends kids do too since your DH is the only transport.

That's madness. Unfair on your DH and your kids. In primary my DD was always doing clubs...vital for them to find their interests that aren't just academic.

Maybe doing this one day a week, life Friday when everyone's tired so they want to get home asap but every day? Nope...can't quite believe you agreed to this.

This may have been the catalyst that pushed your DH over the edge, so it looks petty but he's absolutely right this isn't acceptable.

Wow I think that’s so awful of her, I’m with your husband. Sod this favour.

Yes - and the op is a user as well

I'm quite shocked your DC weren't invited. Obviously they can't invite everyone but to leave out 2 children who they travel with 10 times a week seems very insensitive and smacks of the parent taking your DH's kindness for granted.

We used to do school runs for a neighbours DC and although the children weren't always in the same friendship group or even the same school years the school run created a bond between them and they were always invited to one another's parties. They still are now and they are all in their 20s/30s.

on balance I admire your DH for taking a stand.