DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

100% team husband. Your 'friend' is taking the absolute piss out of you!!!!

I don't think there's a chance that OP would show her husband this thread - and I imagine he would think that we'd all be siding with OP/fiend here, but he'd have a pleasant shock if he did see so many on Team Husband.

Team Husband

I can't believe that you think your husband is being petty! Your friend is not being very gracious. She's had the benefit of your DH collecting her children and can't even make a small gesture of thanks.

Team DH- she is being mean and rude.

Team Husband here too.

Maybe he has realised he is being used? Seems to me the mum is a CF.

YABU.

Team DH here. He does a massive favour for your friend every day and she doesn't even have the decency to invite your child to her child's party.

Your child would have liked to go. It's not as though the children hardly know each other even though they're not 'best' friends.

I think she is really rude and ungrateful.

I also agree with your husband. He's doing them a huge favour here and they can't even invite your kids to the party. Very rude of them.

I'd tell them to make other arrangements for the return to school in January. 2 weeks notice is good enough in my opinion.

Your friend is what's known in MN parlance as a CF - and your DH's reaction is wholly reasonable. She's unbelievably cheeky, selfish, and very rude.

That said, if he is refusing to take the children from the start of next term. i.e., after Christmas, you need to tell her so she can make alternative travel arrangements for her DC in good time, which will avoid any attempt she makes at a pity party on your doorstep on the first day of term.

(Edited for grammar.)

What exactly does she do in return?

sounds to me like you’re a people pleaser/doormat and your DH has boundaries…. Which your friend has crossed.

Also op , he's the one doing the favour for your friend , so his opinion counts the most. You're not doing this favour as a team , that's completely untrue.

It's not petty at all, I would do the same.
How rude of the other family.

How old are your children?

I'm with your husband

Still confused - how old are kids and are your DC upset? If so, fuck them, no more lifts. But maybe your DC could not care less?

Yes it might be petty but totally understand where he's coming from. I don't blame him. She really has shot herself in the foot, should maybe have had a little more thought about the consequences of not inviting ur child.

In her position there's no way I wouldn't have invited him purely because of the massive favour your dh does for her.

Ur dh is probably a bit fed up of it and maybe feels taken for granted. Does she buy him anything as a thank you at the end of the school year or Christmas? Maybe he was looking for an excuse and this is it!

Team DH too!
He's not unbelievably petty but your friend is very rude and thoughtless. Most people will be very grateful for your DH's kindness in taking their DC to school every single day and make sure to include your DC or try to pay the favour back in some way.

He’s not petty: he has boundaries

He is quite right. It's really cheeky of them.expecting a free taxi service. If you don't agree do the lifts yourself.

Well, not yours apparently. You're happy to think he should carry out your wishes, despite not being on board with it, but you're not willing to see his perspective when he decides he no longer wishes to carry on.

I'm surprised by the vote.
Why would your kids want to go to their party when they aren't friends?

I'm with him, especially as she doesn't pay.

Imagine a step mum being asked to collect her step kids. The MN collective would have reminded her that she has no responsibility for them. The OP even describes the lift as 'we' do this when she actually means her husband. I am firmly DH.

Your friend is a rude and entitled CF.

I'm with your husband on this.

What age are the kids? Also are the kids friends outside of carpool? I'm on your husband's side if your sons upset