DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I can't believe you haven't sided with your dh. Instead, you've started a thread calling him petty. He picks up and takes 2 children to school every day and receives nothing for it. Your friend is a CF. All the money she has saved on bus fares and taxis, etc, that she would have spent getting her children to school. She can't find money to pay for 2 other children as a thank you for the help she's received. I don't blame him.

I’m so pleased he’s put his foot down. Good for him. Wonder what she’ll do now?!

Yeah, we need to know age and party size

I’d stay out of it. If friend contacts you about it, refer her back to DH.

Obviously he has to tell her.

I would suggest to your friend she finds a last minute space.

In your husband's shoes I would do exactly the same,whether others (who of course aren't actually providing the transport) consider it petty or not. The friend is a pisstaker of the highest order and whether you expect payment or not, I for one wouldn't take advantage of this huge favour without making some gesture of appreciation,even if it was something as simple as an occasional giftcard for the supermarket you generally shop at. The petty (and shortsighted) one here is the so called friend who is excluding the kids of the person doing her family a huge favour and cutting her nose off to spite her face in the process. Your kids may or may not have actually gone to the party,she had no way of knowing,but at least they'd have been asked.

Me too! Imagine not inviting the children you get a lift with! She's very rude.

Team DH. He’s not U to want to cease the arrangement for ANY reason.

Another one with your husband. Another one who is asking why your friend sends her kids to a school she can’t get to.

Yes, I’m afraid I agree with your DH. Your friend gets a lift to school for her DC every day and she doesn’t invite your child in the same year? Very bad manners.

I know you said your DC were accepting , but these children will talk about the party in the car , so your DC will hear about it .

I hope your 'friend' at least have a nice Christmas present for the family as a goodwill gesture as you've saved her loads on travel costs.

Team DH.

That is a very cheeky mum and lacking some serious common sense there.

@Owlsz I’m with your husband, he’s doing them a huge favour by taking her kids to school.

I don’t understand why she didn’t invite your kids, it’s a slap in the face, they are good enough to take lifts with but not good enough to be invited 🤷🏻‍♀️

This ⬆️

Team DH

Another team husband here.

Wow! They might have different friends groups but they interact every day thanks to your DH.

The least they can do is reciprocate thanks by including your DCs.

Horrible cow.

DH is obviously hurt for your kids and I understand his reasoning.

What's her plan B if he can't do the run. Or does she assume it's just a done thing?

Your friend is an idiot and has shot herself in the foot.

What does she do to repay your DH's kindness in taking her kids to school and back home EVERY DAY?

It's a huge favour he is doing her for free and it sounds like your friend and you massively take DH for granted.

I'm glad he has put his foot down and said no.

I don't think he's being petty at all. He's fed up with this one-sided arrangement anyway, and feels that the least this parent can do to say thank you is invite your DC to the party. By the sound of it she hasn't done anything else to say thank you.
Did you by any chance volunteer him for the job without being certain he was happy to do it?

I can see that the thread has moved on significantly since the first post but the way I see it, is probably similar to the way your DH sees it @Owlsz, and that is that it's ok for your friend to accept lifts for her kids to/from school every day but not to extend an invite to a party to the other kids that they share a lift with every day?

I'm more Team DH than Team Friend here.

He'll get over it. If their friendship drifts that badly then the other kid is unlikely to want lifts with your kid anyway. And vice versa.

Me too but maybe I'm petty too!
I can see you don't want to ruin your friendship but I do think it's rude of your friend not to invite the DC whose parents drive them to school every day - unless they are completely different ages?
I mean do the DC have zero relationship?? Especially as you are friends with their mum.

If I was your friend I would have explained to their DC why your DC had to be included and chosen a party to accomodate all guests

Wow imagine having the gall to use your friend’s husband as a taxi service but not inviting the kids to the party because it would cost too much. But apparently not too much for the other select children to go. Sorry but your friend is a user.

Yeah team DH
politically your kids should have been top of the invite.

I did lifts for ages with another child, it was just painful. Every day, silence and strained conversation, barely a thank you and loss of flexibility. It impacted my dc as it started the day off negatively.