DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event And yet your dh must have saved her so much money/stress and she isn't prepared to fork out two extra places at the party?

Team DH all the way! Rude, awful woman.

Team husband all the way, can't believe you tried to take credit 🤣

DH is 100% right! He’s doing them a huge favour and they exclude his son from a party? Total joke.

Team DH, I'm afraid. Your "friend" is a CF.

Think it is the least she could of done quite cheeky really im with your husband

Team husband.

You think it's the husband or the friend posting?!? Neither seem likely

Haha at "we". "He" can do what he likes and you are both mugs for doing this in the first place if she's too right to offer petrol money.

I'm team husband. I think that's very stupid of her to leave your child out when you're doing her such a colossal, long term favour.

So sorry to read this.

My friend took her neigbour's kids (a few roads away) to senior school for over five years, until they left at 18.

It was the 18th of one of the girls and the Mum told my friend they weren't doing anything special ... so she drove round with her daughter with a gift. As she pulled up, a girl very obviously dressed for a party walked up the garden path. My friend and her daughter could see the front room full of girls. Both my friend and her daughter ended their friendship with this family.

I'm TOTALLY with your husband too. Your 'friend' is taking the piss.

I hope your husband makes the unilateral decision to stop the lifts.

Team DH, although if kids are over 14 I might think again… however Is this post really from the ‘friend’?

I'm with him, very weird behaviour from your friend. Even if the kids aren't best mates, they see each other five days a week and she knows they'll be talking about the party. Odd not to invite them.

And your DH rightly feels that despite doing her a HUGE favour for what seems like a very long time, she can't even be arsed to do basic social politeness back.

And as for 'no other means of transport' - frankly that's not your or your DH's problem. If he suddenly got a new job and was going a different way to work, or you moved and your kids went to a different school, she'd have to find a way. She's lucky to have had this extremely cushty arrangement for so long as it is.

Team husband.

You sound like a total wet blanket. And why isnt she giving you petrol money???

Yeah, I definitely think your friend should have invited your child to the party considering what your husband has done for her and the money she has saved.

Has your friend ever offered your DH money towards fuel? If not she's a MASSIVE cheeky fucker

Depends on age and sex of children i think. If it's a 10 year old boy having a football party i can see why he doesn't invite a girl who has no interest in this and who doesn't play with him. If they are all 4 years old, then it's a bit mean.

Have you had a conversation with your friend about this? It does seem rude, however if your child is only vaguely bothered then I think there's a lot of overreaction on here

This. She should have thought of this before - extremely rude behaviour to my mind. Well, actions have consequences. Team DH on this one.

Both you and your friend are taking the piss out of your DH. If the kids aren’t that good friends then why on earth is he putting himself out driving them 20 minutes to school every day?

That time could be precious one on one time with his children. But no he has to pick up other kids who aren’t even your kids’ friends.

You are minimising this, trying to also take credit when you do nothing. And your friend is just as bad. Why on earth do her kids go to a school that she can’t get them to? Your poor DH. What if he’s ill, your kids are ill?

She needs to sort out other arrangements and you both need to give your DH more credit. Poor bloke.

The one who is unbelievably petty is your friend. The audacity of entitlement! I will do anything in my power to keep your DH sweet if I was your friend. 😅

It's really short-sighted of her to rely so heavily on someone she isn't arsed about keeping on side.
How the hell is she going to get the kids to school now? Should've greased the wheels. Now she's stuck.

I don’t think the woman is wrong not to invite the OPs children ( or child) to the party, but I think she should have foreseen this and explained to the OP , and by extension the OPs husband, why the invitation wasn’t happening.

eg

I’m really sorry, the activity is only for x number of children ( strong)

or

I am really sorry but it’s for an activity that the party group already do together ( weak)

or

i am really sorry but we only have five chairs ( very weak)

In any case she could have then said “ but I would like to invite both of your children to come out for a pizza / cinema with mine in the holiday to say Thankyou for the lifts”

[actually, I think the OPs husband is fed up of being the neighbourhood chauffeur and has taken this as an excuse to end the lifts, and to be honest I can’t blame him.]

Good enough friends to accept lifts from but not to invite to a party? That's just bad manners and using people. I hope she at least buys him a bottle of something decent at Christmas/end of term?

I see he brings them home too. Insanity. He does the entire school run for her both ways 5 days a week? The man is a saint.

Can I just say I have never seen a thread lean so heavily in favour of the husband.