DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

The fact this thread has jumped to 250 posts in around an hour really shows how much of a CF she is!!

Seems they hang out in the OP’s dh’s car every day

Team DH. Maybe he's realised he'd like some time in the car to spend with just his own kids, have a silly sing-along, talk about stuff that's bothering them, make weekend plans, without having to pick up a couple of kids every day who aren't even particular friends with his children.

I might... might (probably not!) do this favour everyday for a child who my DC really got on with, as it might be worth it if they were chatting, laughing and giggling the whole time. I often offer holiday childcare/pick-ups to my DC's friends' parents for this reason as my work is quite flexible, though would struggle with every single day.

I wouldn't do it for children in a different social group. And tbh your friend should be able to get her own kids to school - relying on favours and making others feel guilty if they can't/won't provide them isn't really on.

Team DH. Your 'friend' is a complete CF

He’s physically chauffeuring them there, no; you don’t get to claim credit on the grounds of your marriage being a partnership 😂
Does he go to the gym for both of you as well?!

She has done nothing, not one thing by way of thanks? No bottle of wine no box of chocos? Nothing zero nada zilch?

She is rude and your DH is right on this occasion.

Unfortunately they know do my own childcare drop off at a certain time so can't go any earlier and know I drive through their town!

The mum used to work in the same town as the school, but then got a job elsewhere with the arrangement that her friend that also works in the town of the school would take him. This friend then quit so he had no other way of getting into school (no public transport), hence I agreed to it as he is mid GCSEs! Some gratitude would be nice. It just feels like I'm very much taken for granted.

I assumed this kid would then do A Levels at another school (his town doesn't have a school but public transport or buses go to 4 other schools) but the other week he mentioned he was thinking of staying on as his friends are all there. I bloody well hope he's not expecting a lift!

I even logged into the main site so I could vote and I never do that!!

Indeed this

she’s a freeloading pisstaker and wouldn’t even offer a couple of hours at a party as a little treat for the kid who sits with her kid in the car every day

Team Husband!

How old are the children?

Do the children come round to your house or does he have to stop to pick them up and perhaps also wait for them to be ready? Your husband is doing them a massive favour and I'd also stop doing favours for people who never offer anything back. These are not friends, they are users.

While I understand the reason for no party invitation, she's been very short sighted.

Also, you don't give the lift. It's not a we situation even if you are married to your husband 🙄.

team DH
op, you don’t actually do the lifts every day, your husband does. You should respect his decision. If you were doing all the free taxis perhaps you’d feel more strongly.

She's your friend. If you want to do it that's your daft fault. Don't pass the job onto your husband.

Your DH is right, especially your own DC has indicated they would have liked to have been invited, (regardless of whether they understand/agree that they havent been).

What would your friend do if your kids didnt attend the same school? Thats a "her" problem.

Your DH is right and your friend is a cunt. And a freeloader at that.

Team husband here. I dropped quite a long term friend (10 years) for this sort of behaviour. Had her son round a lot, most weeks for a play and tea. Sometimes a sleepover. Reciprocated maybe once a year. Not a problem, it wasn't meant to be transactional. But then it became obvious that she would put herself out to invite other kids round, making sure that her son had a wide and well rounded friendship group. Again, not too much of a problem. In the end all the little drips of never feeling that my son was important to her just got to a tipping point. Nothing dramatic, just realised we weren't important enough to her to work at the friendships and we had felt different. Sad, but everyone is allowed to choose their friends.

This is a reverse …..

At this rate, even if it's not, the OP will be back on saying it is, to save face! 🤣

Honestly, you sound like a control freak! I feel sorry for your husband 😔

Unless the twist is that the poster is DH in the triangle!

I can see both sides but I'm more tending to your DH's side.

Yes, you can invite who you like to a party, and yes, it is great to do things for other people without any expectation of reward. In this scenario, the children aren't offering the lift, so I don't see necessarily why they should be invited to the party.

However, to make use of someone for a 'free taxi' service for their children without ever offering anything towards petrol or any form of thankyou smacks of CF. It doesn't have to be something expensive - that's not the point. Friend should show some degree of gratitude.
The problem is that this is just going to effect the children in the long run, who haven't really done anything wrong.

Your friend's effed up here. Your husband is not being petty at all, and I agree with him.

I get fed up of taking my own 2 kids to school day in day out let alone stopping off to pick up another 2 kids and dropping them too! Op your dh is a saint and you should have his back, does he also do the after school run too?

Team Husband!

I'm also team husband. Your family is doing hers a massive favour every day, inviting your child would have been a small courtesy by comparison. You sound like a bit of a people pleaser, avoiding conflict. Especially as she does nothing for your family in return.