You don't need to follow specific rules to be middle class

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I've found a few mumsnetters seem to think you need to follow rules to be middle class, words not to use, places not to shop, behaviour that's not ok, etc. It's odd to me. For me middle class just 'Is', based on upbringing and current life. Surely the middle class behaviour (whatever that is) just comes naturally.

Based on my current life and upbringing I would class myself as middle class if I was required to define it, but I'm not conventional and don't try to follow any rules, and I don't see it as the badge of honour some on MN seem to see it as.

I know a lot of people don't believe in classes, for the of this purpose pol I'm just asking: Do you feel you need to follow specific rules to be middle class?

YABU - yes, class is defined by rules that need to be followed
YANBU - no you don't have to try to be middle class you just are

Yabu I'm lower class and have a fridge freezer in my front garden. I live on a diet of white lightning and my kids Hayden,Jayden and okayden live of nuggets it's the rules

I think they're considered 'rules' because if you're switching classes it makes you fit in. So someone who had a MC upbringing, lives in a MC home and has a MC profession doesn't have to think about it at all.

I was raised working class - I'm now probably middle class. Although I don't have to shop in M&S or behave a certain way, it's been eye opening for me to see these 'rules' and how most people on my sort of salary band/household behaves. I don't follow everything religiously, but a lot of MC 'traditions' are pretty useful to our lifestyle.

I honestly don't know what the hell I am and I don't care.

People are always changing the goalposts.

I'm happy. That's all that matters.

Omg not another class thread. People on here are obsessed.

Hello neighbour 👍😆

You follow those rules because you grew up with them. Just because it's not a conscious effort for you, doesn't mean it's not there.

Unfortunately we live in a class stratified society and actually you can tell pretty easily who fits in which box, even if you don't think you belong in a box or reject them as a concept.

I have no data to back this up but I think the middle class is shrinking.

Only rule you need to follow as a woman (ime) is to be quietly spoken. Unfortunately I’m slightly deaf with a voice like a fog horn.

Please do not waste another moment of your one precious life thinking about this.

Surely only middle class will know this, the onus is on you.

ask an aspiring work class personn?

I'm just asking because in a previous thread I was told certain words like tacky aren't allowed because it wasn't classy to use them, and by the poster using them to correct me she was lowering her class. It's strange to me, I'm of the be yourself and use the words that come naturally camp. Others don't get to choose my language for me, but even odder was her trying to say something but judging herself for saying it because the words were on the 'no' list. And I've seen all sorts of 'rules' many times on MN.

So I think this is an interesting one as I think you either are or you aren’t - it’s about your upbringing, culture, everything and not about following rules. I would say if you were to put me in a class bracket it would be upper class - maybe. Old school money - we pass down our wax jackets type thing. However, if there was a set of rules I’d be classed as working class- we’re tight as anything and shop at Aldi, hand me down clothes etc . My children are in private school and one of the mums- my best friend- is working class (they make money from being influencers) - she’s proudly working class- one parent was in prison: one died of a drug overdose and from a council house. She says it’s the things we do that make us how we are and how things are instilled in us- like going to the theatre, ballet, going to France each summer , eating supper and having gun dogs and reading books, have a family farm . But if we were to follow a set of rules she would be the one who would be perceived as middle class as they have expensive flashy cars type thing.

I have the quiet voice and people often ask me to speak up, and my voice doesn't go loud easily, it strains my throat. So you really can't win.

well, anyone using the word "classy" isn't .. classy
and the same goes for everything. It's a rather large range too, isn't it?

The Middleton are, famously, "Middle-Class" and I would guess that Carole doesn't describe herself as being Middle-Class. They just are, what they are.

OP, you started the thread, so despite pretending to be cool about it, why do you care? Are you not that confident about your social status at all?

This!

If there's one thing that really does my head in over here, and particularly on Mumsnet, it's this ruddy great obsession with class. Really, who gives a fuck, and more importantly - WHY?!

No, I don't care what people define me as because I'm not trying to be anything. I think it's strange that people have rules, including ones around using words like classy. I'm not from the UK originally so it's interesting to me that some people try so hard to be seen as middle class because that wouldn't be an aspiration for me or a negative. It just is what it is.

What 'rules' are you applying to your upbringing and current lifestyle that enables you to 'just know' you're middle class? So if I said, prove it! What would you tell me?

Mostly, it’s all nonsense imo

This is amazing…. Can you give some examples of behaviour exclusive to those on your salary band??
Is this same “salary band” the reason you assume you’ve now jumped a class level?
So, so weird.

Having class (if there is such a thing) isn't a set of rules, it's about attitude.

Stylish rather than trendy
Nothing to prove, quiet self confidence
Excellent manners
Can justify opinions when asked, but doesn't shout about them to anyone and everyone.

There is a lot of data to back this up. The "middle classes" have always been an historical anomaly brought about by industrialisation. We are returning to the norm. It is very bad news.

When plumbers can make more then doctors and have a better work/life balance, what do classes even mean anymore?

My mil was very working class and broke the mould in the family and went to uni (first ever) left the town where everyone live (and still lives). She is more middle class then my own middle class family according to the rules. Made her children watch Shakespeare and classical music, refused to drink or date anyone who drinks beer, must be wine. She's very confused by my rather posh family from a university town.

We like rock music, we go to fast food restaurants, go to beer festivals, go on all inclusive beach holidays in non historical towns (oh the horror). Buy the kids non-wooden toys. But we all have degrees and own property too. I actually don't think the categories are very helpful when talking about recent history.

So many 'working class' people can afford houses when 'middle class' people can't. Is it not about money? Is it cultural? Is it having a degree or a 9-5 job in an office?

What are the rules? I doubt we could come up with a set we could actually agree on.

If someone identifies as middle class, are they?

If you don't have economic power people still might be able to compete with their social capital, it's all very well to sneer at people with supposed class hangups but unless you don't need anymore economic advantage/security its not fair to hate the player when the game is very real.

Because as previous posters have said, the UK is very stratified

I always understood it as working in a profession. But people tend to cite whatever criteria suits them best to make sure they're included, and/or others are excluded, so there's never a consensus.