Partners autistic son

[Dinero86]

So I don’t want to come across like I’m not understanding here, I just need some opinions or advice as I genuinely have no idea about this kind of thing and it’s really putting a strain on my relationship not understanding it.

so my partner is from London and moved down to Liverpool in July (off his own back I never asked for this). He has 3 children, 1 of them being an autistic 5yr old. He’s not majorly autistic but he is on the spectrum. Now as much as my partner is a good dad I do feel he doesn’t have ANY boundaries in place for his son. His son comes to visit and will cry to not go home, so he lets him stay and miss school no problem. His son follows him everywhere and goes everywhere with him. He has currently been down for 5weeks now, hasn’t been to school or anything, in which time I had a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage and had NO support cos again - the son was down and didn’t want to go back to his mums. My partner has his own place and so do I, so when his son is down I basically don’t get to see my partner and his son refuses to sleep alone so wants to co sleep in his dads arms all night. He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine. As much as I do love his son and will do anything for him I’m really struggling with the concept of not having any time alone with my partner, I had no support in my pregnancy, I lost my baby alone and even now in my greif I can’t even sit and talk to my partner without “dad, dad, dad”. Haven’t been able to cuddle, sleep next to or even have sex with my partner (sorry to be graphic) I know children should always come first but I am really starting to question if I can do this, there just seems to be no boundaries or discipline or managing of the situation. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way, is this a better way I could view it, what would anyone else do? I genuinely am just looking for advice as I don’t want know what to do. I can’t even speak to my partner about it as he gets defensive and starts shouting at me. He is wanting us to start a family and move in together but there’s absolutely no way I could handle this how it is.

Also people like him should be sterilised to stop them from bringing more ferel children into the world.

That was uncalled for. The child is autistic, not feral.

I also have a Nd child ,my school would have Ss at my door if he was absent for this long i don't understand how this has not happened. It genuinely sounds like your partner and his mother need some parenting support /intervention and there is alot of help available .
Your partner however has been very unfair to you and this is not your problem to deal . I am so sorry For the loss of your baby concentrate on yourself and tell your partner that you can no longer financially support his lifestyle because you are taking some time off to heal ❤

So this is the man you are choosing to have babies with after you've seen how he parents ???

I’m so sorry for your loss but you need to think really carefully about whether to bring a new baby into this situation because it sounds like you will basically be parenting alone.

After your last update I'm even more baffled as to why you want to be with him I genuinely can't see one redeeming feature. You go on about the mum not working but neither does he and as you say he has no money yet he finds money to smoke weed all day.

Just a huge huge no to all of this! This is not the relationship for you - or anyone. It’s not the son that is the problem, it’s his unbelievably useless dad. That child is being failed by awful parenting. Don’t be a part of that

He's a terrible father who priorities his dick over his three children. Autistic children do not cope well with change and this is a major change for his children. His actions scream of guilt and perhaps laziness in letting the 5 year old do what he wants, which is not to the child's benefit at all!

This is not a man who needs to bring any further children into the world!

I have a feeling from your replies you have no intention to leave him. What are you wanting to do OP?

This guy is a disaster. You equally are no where near ready to be providing a sensible or stable home for children. It makes me sad to think that a child could be brought into this mess.

I’ve had multiple miscarriages and I have the utmost sympathy for any woman going through one, but honestly you’ve had a lucky escape from being shackled to this pathetic excuse of a man for the next 18 years by having his child.
He is an abusive, work shy drug addict, a terrible parent with no prospects and he’s already sponging off you and dragging you down into his dysfunctional chaotic life. You can’t save him, you can’t save his kids (I’d be making a report to SS though) but you can save yourself, but only by dumping him and cutting all contact.

Hi OP

He is a crap partner if he can't support you when going through something like that, and a crap parent who can't even sort out the basics for his own child

I'd end the relationship aa you can't live with or have kids with someone who has such different views to you

So this man

• moved away from his children
• lets his son miss school and not have a routine
• doesn't have a steady job, does "odd jobs" for mates
• plays video games all day
• smokes weed

I'm utterly baffled as to what you see in this man?? He's a shit parent, no life prospects, acts like a child, and uses drugs!

You love a man who sits smoking weed on Xbox all day?! who only works cash in hand for his mate? This is not the co-parent you need. He’s giving you a glimpse of what your future will be like if you have a child with him. Run for the hills and find someone better.

as a parent of neurodivergent children I don’t even need to comment on the rest as his own behaviour is revealing enough.

Read this to people you like and ask them what they think about it. I would be horrified if a daughter/ friend was telling me that she loved a man who behaved like this. The best Christmas present you can give yourself is to get them both out and re set your life( without them)

Wake up. What qualities does he have that attract you to him?

How is Liverpool down from London ? Anyway his son is his priority as it should be

This is not the relationship for you, it sounds like you know that but seem to be finding reasons to stick it out. It's only been a year. Leave his ex out of it - your assessment of her is no doubt based on what your partner (who is no great shakes) has told you. Where does she live, if he has moved from London to Liverpool, he has presumably moved away from her and his children or was already living away from them. His son should come first, and with ASD things will likely become more challenging not less as he gets older. Perhaps he has become more clingy because his dad has moved away and he's reacting to the change. You say you don't know much about autism, so read up on it, if you stay in this relationship you might have to parent his three children permanently, have you thought about that? Remember visitation can change. If you are struggling with him being there after five weeks, and you're not even living together, how will you cope if he moves in full-time. You should not be paying for everything, that's ridiculous. If your partner can't work, he should claim benefits until he can. You are being used and manipulated, raise the bar. And I'm sorry to be cold because I know the pain of miscarriage, but bringing a baby into this mess is the last thing you need. If he has three children already and was ready to have another with you within a year of meeting, he's not that much different to his ex, is he? You are choosing to waste your life on him, stop complaining, either suck it up or leave.

This is the type of woman your partner chooses to sleep with and have 3 children with. He then leaves his children with her and moves to Liverpool despite the fact she is not capable of looking after them properly. He lets his child game at home for 5 weeks instead of going to school. He doesn’t work and already has 3 children that he can’t support. Amongst all that terrible parenting, his only slightly redeeming quality is that he seems to like spending time with his son and that is the thing you are worried about!

If his son was his priority he wouldn't have moved away leaving him with this allegedly terrible mother. He's hardly a good parent.

Until I read this I just thought it was sad but you were incompatible, now he’s a pisstaking cocklodger. Time to get rid of him @Dinero86

Even if you disregard his awful parenting, gaming addiction, rubbish attitude to work, your attachment to him... OP, he doesn't love you. No one who loved you could treat you like this. Have a look at the Freedom Programme, it was so helpful for me.

I had an abortion during a relationship with a similar man (minus the kids) and when I look back I know I absolutely did the right thing by that potential child, as the idea of any poor child having that man as a father is beyond awful. Instead of thinking of him as all you have left of your unborn baby, maybe try to reframe it - your child will never have to be hurt by the neglect and abuse of this man.

Absolutely agree. Just read the other thread where she admits he’s abusive, treated her like shit when she miscarried and said she knows it’s a shit show and a mere fortnight later she’s back wailing ‘but I love him’

I expect humerus threads over next couple of years about how his man sponges off of her, treats her like crap, sticks his dick in other women and sits in his lazy arse getting stoned while she runs around like a headless chicken ban rolling him and his kids each time telling us ‘I don’t know what to do, I love him so much’

OP wake up and smell the coffee. He doesn’t love or respect you. He doesn’t even like you by sounds of it. You’re a meal ticket so he can have an easy life until he finds the next wo silly enough to want his dick.

He’s a useless druggy cocklodging scumbag - is that really all you think you’re worth?

@Dinero86

How did this prince afford to move up from London to Liverpool ?

is he in a private rental - how did he find it / how did he afford the deposit and the 1st month's rent...

But the chances are that any child he produces with any woman is also going to be autistic. Which can happen to anyone but you wouldn’t choose it. Would you if you knew what you were getting into?