Christmas is ruined and I just want to cry. Please slap some sense into me!

[3OrangeCats]

I love Christmas and I enjoy all the hype leading up to the day and everything about the season. I've booked leave from Dec 19th - Jan 05th as has DH and planned our menu and vacation activities since October.

But life isn't cooperating with me.

In late Nov, I got terrible, food poisoning which threw my back out and triggered an excruciating sciatica flare where I couldn't walk. Thanks to a steroid shot and strong painkillers, I was on the mend and THEN I got the flu. Full-on chills , headache, fever, fatigue etc. THEN, the flu and sore throat triggered my asthma so I spent the next week having coughing fits and being unable to sleep.

Throughout my illnesses, DH has been very supportive and caring and has never once complained.

Finally last Saturday, I was feeling great, DH's work projects were finally wrapped up and it felt like Christmas could finally start....and THEN, DH's sciatica flared up. What are the chances?! He can't sit at all and driving is out of the question. He got morphine, an NSAID shot and a steroid but there's been little improvement. He's going for an MRI tomorrow but it's not looking likely that he will be able to do much for the next 2-3 weeks.

I am so sad to see him in so much pain but also because all our plans now have to be cancelled and I feel terrible even thinking that. I can't drive and even if I could, DH can't sit in the car to be driven anywhere. I don't live in the UK and public transport here is terrible so I'm pretty much stuck at home. My MH was already a bit low what with being sick for 2-3 weeks and now this. I know I sound whiny and am feeling sorry for myself but I just want somewhere to vent as I don't want DH to see me like this and feel bad. He is so kind and attentive when I am unwell and wouldn't care a bit about cancelling Christmas if the shoe was on the other foot.

To make matters worse, this is just exacerbating some other issues I have with this time of year. I'm an only child and my dad died when I was 14. DH and I don't have kids yet and he's not very close with his siblings so our circle can sometimes feel small and especially so this time of year. I guess I would feel a lot better if I was surrounded by a large happy bunch and it wasn't just me, DH and my mum at home for the holiday season. I am quite introverted and have a small circle of friends but of course everyone is busy with their families at this time, so while we do have a few lunches and days out planned, I will be spending most of my vacation at home.

I know I need to prioritise getting my license (failed my test in October) as that would help but how do I:

1. enjoy this particular Christmas? I have some shows lined up to watch, I'll still cook some nice things, I plan to read a lot, as well as do some painting which I've recently taken up. But it's a far cry from the days out and dinners and activities previously planned.
2. How do I expand my circle? I suppose having a child will help but where I live does not have the opportunities the UK does. There are few hobby groups, book clubs, Meetup isn't a thing. It just feels like if you don't have a large birth or in-law family or a huge friendship group from school, you can't expand your circle much as an adult.
3. Please tell me if anyone else is facing a Christmas they didn't anticipate. It helps to have perspective sometimes and I know this is very much a first world problem.
4. Any sciatica tips if you've had it and couldn't sit? Wishful thinking, but I thought I'd ask.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

I am sorry about your run of bad luck. We had covid at Christmas one year and although we weren’t particularly ill (thanks vaccinations) we stayed at home for the whole period. We watched a lot of films, ate a lot of takeaway and read books. It was so different to normal Christmas but really nice. Have a look at the tv schedule and pick some things to watch and/or queue up some good tv. Do you have any indoor projects you would like to do? Jigsaw?

You poor thing!

Hit all the Christmas classic movies. They're so good for the soul.

Internet yoga for your sciatica if you
/hubby can get down on the floor. Yoga with Adriene saves my spine.

Spend money saved from cancelled events on an insanely ott grocery shop. Lobster, champagne, whatever super lush stuff you fancy.

If this was me, I would:

• buy lots of special food and drink
• spend some time (and money if necessary) getting the house looking really nice and cosy
• take time over your Christmas decorations
• line up some great books, movies and games
• invest in some new bedding or blankets
• anything to treat yourself - bath soak, shower gels, face masks and treatments

maybe consider this Christmas a self care retreat to fully take care and get your health back on track?

If you have people you love and you’re not sitting there missing someone so badly you want to cry all day then I promise Christmas is not ruined. Xxx

Posted on wrong thread!

I might have missed something, apologies if so. But I don't get what the problem is.

Your Christmas sounds amazing. You are going to be together with the guy you love. Does it really matter what you do? So many people don't have that partnership and love. One way would be to try to treasure and cherish that. Nothing lasts forever, so maybe just switch mentally to having a chilled Xmas and spending time together and looking after each other.

Still festive, still loving, still happy, still nice.

I don't mean to be super serious, but really, think about it. Nobody is in hospital, nobody dying, nobody missing someone, nobody alone, nobody without money or a home. You can have a lovely time, sciatica aside.

Yoga, pilates, strengthening your core sounds essential first both of you. Have done a bunch of Lucy Wyndham Reed core exercises recently and that is really making a difference.

Have a good cry if you want to, then decide that you will make the best you can of this Christmas. Cancel and reschedule as much as possible. Concentrate on getting yourself and DH healthy again and make the most of small pleasures.

Best tip for sciatica is don't get pregnant. It's awful as you can't have any medication or anti inflammatories, they just advise you move around more.

Try a good TENS machine for the sciatica OP, it can help a lot.

What has Christmas got to do! with religion? Weird post

My husband suffers with sciatica where, as you say, he cannot sit or move. Gabapentin works fairly quickly. You have to build up to the full dose and come off the tablets gradually. It’s like magic when nothing else really touches the nerve pain. He now has regular chiropractor sessions for maintenance.

It sounds like a quiet Christmas with your feet up is exactly what you both need. Stop trying to create perfection, surrender to the fact you can’t control the situation, have a wee tipple and sing Que Sera, Sera a few times and approach the situation with an openness to enjoying whatever the holiday brings. There are a lot worse things that could have happened.

Acupuncture .
I know someone who was laid up for 6 months .
Then got the above and was back on their feet .

I think make the most of what you have .
Also get out for a walk daily that will make you happier to be at home snuggled up eating nice food when you get back.

I think you can catch up and do a belated Xmas once dh is on the mend.

@DowntonCrabbie hahahahahah Jesus

Christmas isn’t ruined. I can understand feeling sorry for yourself for a bit but then try to reframe it - it is still spent with people you love in a safe secure happy place and it will just look a bit different this year than you expected. Life can do that.

What reframed things for me was having a family member critically ill at this time of year previously. And I have worked many a Christmas and will be working every day bar Christmas Day this year. To be with those you love is more special than anything else. Sadly so many won’t have that for a variety of reasons.

I am in that exact position this year but I can still sympathise with the OP over her disappointment.

Even without all the other stuff sciatica is horrendously painful.
I can only suggest what’s worked for me and might help your husband.
He needs to lie on his back on a bed or the floor, whichever is easier.
Then it’s important his feet point directly at the ceiling.
Gently he stretches each heel down, as if pushing his foot away. It will only move 1-2 cms to begin with, that’s fine. He alternates each leg. Very slowly, very gently, even the tiniest stretch will help.
Repeat as often as comfortable to do.

I hope 2025 is kinder to you both.

So am I and so can I. OP was asking for some perspective to make her feel a bit better. Of course I sympathise!

I second gabapentin - only thing that helped mine which was caused by a prolapsed disc.
Sciatica is hell - I'm sorry you both suffer with it badly. A chiropractor also helped me.

Also diazepam if his muscles have gone into spasm.

I have realised this year that the building up of Christmas to such an extent is utterly toxic. It’s taken me fifty years to see that this is extremely unhealthy for most people, with such expectations it’s hard to see how it can’t end in failure as we are all human! We have human things happen to us.

Christmas for most of us is simply some good food and a few presents. It’s nothing more, nothing less. It’s almost like we are being collectively brainwashed to believe that it is the be all and end all. It’s one day of many - and can be enjoyed in multiple ways.

Physio worked for me for sciatica. She gave me exercises to do, but also massages and acupuncture. I was better after a few weeks and it went away completely after 5-6 weeks. Amasing!

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to reply, even the persons who have been firm - I wanted a good talking to.

Mornings are hard. I normally wake up excited for all the things I have planned and now I have to mentally recalibrate but I keep reminding myself that while the timing is bad, this is temporary and shall pass (hopefully soon).

Today is my last day in the office but I think I shall postpone the start of my vacation to Monday and WFH tomorrow and Friday which will hopefully keep my mind off things and I can use those days next year.

To those who asked if I can't arrange any other transport, I live in a Caribbean island, which while very developed compared to the other islands and usually a nice place to live, suffers from several major problems. One is very high crime including murder and kidnapping so I am hesitant to use taxis and we no longer have Uber etc. here. We also have terrible public transport. To give an example, we have 2 major cities - the capital and another one, I live in the latter. I went to the capital last week - it took an hour and 15 minutes just to get a bus from my city and on the return journey, I got to the bus terminus at 3:15 and was told the next bus would be there at 8:00 p.m. I ended up having no choice but to take 2 taxis and got home at 6:45 despite the distance being no more than 60-90 minutes drive. It's a mess and unless you have your own car, very limiting. And yes, my DH is a saint. He drives me all over without complaint but that clearly has to stop and soon.

But once more, thank you so much for all your kind words. Just having so many strangers take the time to cheer me up, give advice or relate their own experience, has been so touching and I truly appreciate it. I wish everyone here a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years, whatever that means for you. 💗

Sorry OP. Fuck sciatica & back pain. Hope you all feel better really soon. Be kind to yourselves.