Christmas is ruined and I just want to cry. Please slap some sense into me!

[3OrangeCats]

I love Christmas and I enjoy all the hype leading up to the day and everything about the season. I've booked leave from Dec 19th - Jan 05th as has DH and planned our menu and vacation activities since October.

But life isn't cooperating with me.

In late Nov, I got terrible, food poisoning which threw my back out and triggered an excruciating sciatica flare where I couldn't walk. Thanks to a steroid shot and strong painkillers, I was on the mend and THEN I got the flu. Full-on chills , headache, fever, fatigue etc. THEN, the flu and sore throat triggered my asthma so I spent the next week having coughing fits and being unable to sleep.

Throughout my illnesses, DH has been very supportive and caring and has never once complained.

Finally last Saturday, I was feeling great, DH's work projects were finally wrapped up and it felt like Christmas could finally start....and THEN, DH's sciatica flared up. What are the chances?! He can't sit at all and driving is out of the question. He got morphine, an NSAID shot and a steroid but there's been little improvement. He's going for an MRI tomorrow but it's not looking likely that he will be able to do much for the next 2-3 weeks.

I am so sad to see him in so much pain but also because all our plans now have to be cancelled and I feel terrible even thinking that. I can't drive and even if I could, DH can't sit in the car to be driven anywhere. I don't live in the UK and public transport here is terrible so I'm pretty much stuck at home. My MH was already a bit low what with being sick for 2-3 weeks and now this. I know I sound whiny and am feeling sorry for myself but I just want somewhere to vent as I don't want DH to see me like this and feel bad. He is so kind and attentive when I am unwell and wouldn't care a bit about cancelling Christmas if the shoe was on the other foot.

To make matters worse, this is just exacerbating some other issues I have with this time of year. I'm an only child and my dad died when I was 14. DH and I don't have kids yet and he's not very close with his siblings so our circle can sometimes feel small and especially so this time of year. I guess I would feel a lot better if I was surrounded by a large happy bunch and it wasn't just me, DH and my mum at home for the holiday season. I am quite introverted and have a small circle of friends but of course everyone is busy with their families at this time, so while we do have a few lunches and days out planned, I will be spending most of my vacation at home.

I know I need to prioritise getting my license (failed my test in October) as that would help but how do I:

1. enjoy this particular Christmas? I have some shows lined up to watch, I'll still cook some nice things, I plan to read a lot, as well as do some painting which I've recently taken up. But it's a far cry from the days out and dinners and activities previously planned.
2. How do I expand my circle? I suppose having a child will help but where I live does not have the opportunities the UK does. There are few hobby groups, book clubs, Meetup isn't a thing. It just feels like if you don't have a large birth or in-law family or a huge friendship group from school, you can't expand your circle much as an adult.
3. Please tell me if anyone else is facing a Christmas they didn't anticipate. It helps to have perspective sometimes and I know this is very much a first world problem.
4. Any sciatica tips if you've had it and couldn't sit? Wishful thinking, but I thought I'd ask.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

If you are not particularly religious, what is so special about Christmas? You can go on days out every time of the year. Have a nice couple of relaxed days at home with your dh and once you both feel better, do whatever you fancy. There is no need to cram it all into the Christmas season. Remember that you are luckily not terminally ill and that there will be many more opportunities to socialise and go out in the near future.

You poor things, you’ve been through the mill.

It won’t be as bad as you’re worrying - you’ll still get to spend time together and have cosy days of rest and comfort at home. Plan delicious homemade meals and activities you enjoy and rebook the dinners etc you’re missing for a pick me up in January.

I hope your husband is better soon, and that you’re both able to enjoy some rest and recovery this season.

I’m recovering from an operation, so not able to do anything this Christmas really out of the house but still looking forward to it, the saying comparison is the thief of joy, really is true, so don’t compare it to the plans you had, those didn’t work out just concentrate on the now. You’ve got movies lined up, are you into board games ? You can spend an afternoon planning some fun stuff for the new year

I moved to a new area recently.

What I did to meet people (some were more successful than others!)

Went to church
Went to every social group I saw advertised that I vaguely was ok for (so not kids stuff)
Joined the local community choir

At every group I said "hi I'm new I just moved to the village. What's good to do around here and meet new people?"

Lots of people had suggestions.

Lots of the groups didn't work out for me but I have a couple I go up regularly and have made friends.

If I were you, I'd still do the activities planned, just after Christmas when everyone is feeling better, have your own Christmas just not on the date
We once had a full on Xmas day at the end of January when family visited one year and it was really lovely and it snowed, actually felt more like Christmas than actual Christmas 😂
Dates don't matter as long as you both have each other, I hope you both have a swift recovery ❤️‍🩹

Sorry this is not specific to the run of rubbish run of luck you are having, and I hope you find a way to enjoy Christmas even if it isn't quite what you were hoping for.

I have just discovered national theatre at home. Just google it and sign up for free and you can watch plays they filmed for about a tenner a time. Plan for an evening or two watching a couple of hit shows with popcorn and wine. Much cheaper and no having to get home afterwards. Present Laughter with Andrew Scott is very very funny (I think) and there are lots of options on there if you like that kind of thing.

Sciatica is so awful and I really sympathise. I have it and it's soul destroying. My tips are voltarol gel, which I'm not sure they will have where you are but a rub on the skin painkiller and then consult a physio for the correct exercises, when your DP is at the stage to do that obviously. In relation to Christmas just thinking of it as "quiet" Christmas. Designate it that. Reading, bit of cooking, board games, your painting. See it as restorative, a deliberate attempt to gather strength. Then do your Xmas activities in the new year.

Christmas is neither cancelled or ruined it will just be a bit different to how you imagined it. Whether it's a happy or miserable occasion will depend on your mindset, accept your current circumstances and make the best of it. It's disappointing but not the end of the world.

A couple of weeks not doing very much might be exactly what you need after being unwell.

There will be many more Christmases to come so it's not like this is your only chance for your perfect Christmas.

Sorry for your situation. Sometimes sciatica just gets much better all of a sudden - hopefully your husband will have such luck. Enjoy a quiet Christmas as best you can, then get some driving lessons booked. Good luck with passing second time round!

I’d go out anyway op. Just leave dh with some snacks and a charged phone and get on with enjoying yourself.

We have had two close deaths. Relentless illness. I can’t face Christmas at all. But I’ll do my best, it’s one day of many. Next year will be easier

I second embracing the quiet.

Not funny.

I'm sorry that you're having such a rubbish time. I think you got to accept that this Christmas will be a quiet one. I was sick last year and I felt terrible for my DH. But it was lovely in the end. We watched loads of films and tv shows. Played some games on the switch. I read a lot.

I think the socialising is a separate issue. Do you have any hobbies?

As for the sciatica the only thing I found that helped slightly was sleeping with a pillow between my knees. I hot water bottle provided a bit of comfort too.

Struggling to see why you decided to be nasty about this.

Massive sympathy to you both.

In your position I think I'd be grateful for the chance to have a quiet Christmas. Imagine feeling this bad and having to host, or having needy young children

This year, have an intentionally quiet, soothing, healing Christmas. Order in good food, buy luxury bath soaks, good books and soft PJs. Watch some good films, listen to gorgeous carols and light candles. Plan to have a more lively time next year.

It feels better once you decide it's what you need and want instead of wishing it was different.

Think yourself lucky you're not terminally ill? That's in colossal bad taste. She's allowed to feel a bit sorry for herself without a silly sanctimonious lecture.

I also have a really, really small family, no children and a lurgy that has meant missing Christmas work dos. I’ve found it really hard this year to shake the “what’s the point” feeling. I have to remind myself that life is always what you bring to it - everyone else is doing the same stuff. It’s just attitude really, so go in positive to whatever you can do and embrace it as best you can.

I also love Christmas and similar happened for me last year. I got a terrible chest infection which laid me out for the whole run of time and we cancelled pretty much all our plans and socialising. Tbh all I could do was accept it would have to roll on for another year. Focus on what you can do at home. Christmas film marathon where you watch as many as you can? And plan to go really big next year.

Maybe you should reduce the importance you place on Christmas.
Unless you're v religious or something.

It is so utterly exaggerated now. With so much expectation. So much to spend money on and so much to feel sorry for not doing. It never used to be like this.. christmas is on steroids these days and you're adding pressure to yourself. Planning in October etc doesn't help.

Christmas can be a very sad and lonely time for many people. You're not alone, people have very hard Christmases made worse by the expectation of this 'wonderful' time of year.

If you could manage to 5 simple but nice things over the Xmas period - then you are winning.

It's just a different, quiet Christmas. Can you really not get around without DH driving? What do you do day to day? Does DH drive you everywhere???? Even to work and socials?

I mean, we live abroad in a place that has zero public transport and you must drive even to go to a corner shop as it's so hot. But then a driving license is the first thing you get when you move here.

Sorry to hear your plans are up in the air - but I do agree, with PP, just take it easy, relax, read, indulge in whatever you want to do and recharge your batteries.

Sciatica is awful, but a TENS machine was a godsend for me, if you can get hold of one I'd highly recommend trying it out.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a lovely Christmas albeit different from your original plans.

Christmas is very low key for us this year , I had to have an extensive open hysterectomy for suspected ovarian cancer in November and unfortunately a few days after I got home started with sepsis symptoms had to have my staples removed early and as a result left with some large open wounds - the good news is no cancer but have a long way to recover fully.

spending the day home with DH , going to get a few treats from M&S if I’m ok on my feet by Christmas Eve and just watch some tv and chill - it’s been an awful end to the year but trying to see the positives and hoping next year will be a lot happier and healthier

Boost your immune systems with lots of Vit C and zinc.
Can you get really good reflexology where you are? I had similar trapped nerve issues which were sorted with that.