To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

[apecial]

DH has a very strong opinion about one particular hobby, football. He HATES it and the culture around it, in his words.He has a very very strong opinion on it. He has family that are football obsessed and hated it growing up, the drinking and shouting and getting so riled up by the score.

He cannot stand it when he feels like it's someone's whole life, the only topic they talk about, when people go out to the pub and are screaming and shouting or getting angry because of the score and so on.

Basically you get the gist, he fucking HATES football. I'm not into football so it doesn't really come up much in our house although he does know that I think his opinion is too strong / silly.

Our son went to a party recently. He is typically very shy (he's 4) and never usually joins in things however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

The guy who runs it does a toddler / young kids football session on a Saturday morning, I want to see if DS would like to go but in the past DH has made it clear that he absolutely doesn't want any DC doing football as a hobby, anything else but that.

Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.

She was at the party and he clearly enjoyed playing football. Sounds like he likes it to me. He’ll have many football parties ahead of him too. Not to mention kickabouts at school.

Within reason, as you said. I disagree that his reason is a good reason, as does OP.

Yeah I do think your DH is being ridiculous.

It’s good to encourage your DS to play a sport, and tbh football is a good one for kids because (at a basic level) it’s quite a simple game. And you can play it with minimal equipment (ie just a ball!).

My exh is a bit funny about rugby because it was forced on him at school.

I think it is entirely unfair to not let a child try playing football because of dislike of the culture around watching football. Those are two separate things, playing a sport is not related to how people behave as adults watching it. Even if he had to watch a kids’ football match it is not the same as getting drunk and hurling abuse at a ref on TV. Football is great exercise and easy for kids to pick up and play and enjoy at a young age, much easier than a lot of other sports.

Yes well I am sure he also enjoyed other party games too. Does that mean if hr enjoyed the bouncy castle, he needs to now take up trampolining? If he enjoyed playing with plastic Jedi light sabres he absolutely must be signed up for fencing?

Most kids enjoy a party. This doesn’t mean they will enjoy it weekly as a serious sporting hobby.

It’s fine to disagree that the DH has a good reason, but the OP should discuss football with her DH, her wibu is should she just sign up the DS anyway without discussing it with her DH, and just dismiss his opinion on this? I say that is unreasonable, her DH is an equal coparent and his opinion on this matters as much as her opinion and you know what? Only having one sport off limits is not too restrictive imho.

OP never said anything serious, just a class.

It sounds like DH has already dismissed the fact that OP or especially his son may feel very differently. Why is it acceptable for him to do it?

Football is pervasive and a huge part of the social life of large numbers of boys and men. Making it off-limits to a boy in the UK could have a significant and detrimental impact on their life.

It’s also going to be impossible to police. What is OP’s DH going to do, go marching into the school every time he plays football at lunch or forbid him from football parties?

It’s ridiculous.

Weekly football lessons is pretty serious for a 4yr old.
His DS hasn’t asked for football. He isn’t missing out on anything he wants,
It’s the OP that is for some reason hell bent on doing the one small thing her DH asked her not to do.

Yes and that “social life’ comes with the far right, hooliganism, violence, public pressure, competitiveness. I think pretty much any other team sport would have all the benefits of football without the obvious detriments for a child that is known to be shy.

My 2 year old goes to weekly football lessons. Trust me, they don’t have to be serious and certainly aren’t when they are so little. It’s about fun, socialising and very simple ball skills.

It doesn’t have to, especially not these days. I go to matches regularly and the only thing I see is the competitiveness because it’s obviously a sport.

None of those things are going to be present at a 4 year olds football class either.

I can see his point. I didn't grow up in that atmosphere but have similar views about the obsession and violence around football.

I don't think I'd actively want to do anything which could push my child into it and result in them being one of those type of people growing up.

But it's hard because you want to put your child's needs first. Could a compromise be that you play a little bit of kicking around at home so DC gets some of the experience but in a more controlled way.

I agree with your husband

This is quite a stretch, a small child playing football for fun is bot a gateway into any of these things and a whole lot of these perceptions about the sport and its fans are pretty outdated. Would the OPs husband have the same rules if it was a DD wanting to play since none of these things are true about fans of women’s football. Let the kid try a sport, he might not even like it! It is just very narrow minded to ban him from ever playing something because of fan behavior at the professional level! The idea that the whole sport has this negative culture is just ridiculous

I think it will put a lot of strain on the family dynamics.

You’ll be solely responsible for taking son to games at the weekend and midweek training sessions - this could lead to resentment.

DH will be resentful you brought football into the home and all the time it takes away from family time at the weekends.

DS will get upset that his dad doesn’t ever watch his games, play football in the garden or want to hear about the goals he’s scored.

It sounds as if DH is slightly traumatised from his family’s links to football and DS playing will open that wound. He may need therapy, if he’s open to it, to deal with those feelings and understand his experience is extreme.

you don't think stopping your child from playing/watching a sport because a small minority of other people who also like that sport sometimes behave badly is illogical?

I don't get what you mean by decisions made by adults, either? in all of those examples, the same as OP's actual issue, the DH is an adult making a unilateral decision on behalf of his child...

A boundary a parent has the right to decide for a child is something that will keep them safe. Not "I don't like something so you're not allowed to like it either."

OP has discussed it with him and there is no flex. There's absolutely no suggestion she'll be going "behind his back" i.e. taking the DS to practice pretending she's taking him somewhere else. You're objecting to something that hasn't been said. She is saying she will take him, with the DH fully knowing but not being happy about it, because why does the DH get to have unilateral veto over their parenting decisions?

pull the "I'm personally offended" card when you don't have an actual rebuttal..

Did I at any point say not liking football was analogous to racism? Or discriminating against someone who likes football is the same as discriminating against someone because of their ethnicity? No.

The examples were varied to explain that there is NO circumstance when "I don't like something so you're not allowed to like it either" is a valid argument. I could have used literally anything else, from being bitten by a dog to someone of a different religion.

Neither DH (different culture) nor I have any love of football, but it's a reality that it is a major part of male UK culture (and growing rapidly amongst girls) and a lack of interest or skill in the game can be very restrictive socially.

Both of mine have been to some classes/ training. DS1 for a couple of years until he lost interest. DS2 for longer. They've never been deeply immersed in football culture and they tend to favour other boys with a light or little interest in the games, but the big thing is that we haven't imposed our indifference on them and they've had chance to play and learn about the game. DS2 has had a couple of shirts for the local team which he nominally supports (or at least generally favours)

Football isn't the problem. There is an issue with some people who utilise football as a proxy for dealing with their unhealthy emotional development and connections. It's possible to play/ enjoy the game without being a violent thug. Not all Sunday league teams are cesspits of foul-mouthed hyper-competitive attitudes. There's a lot of teams and tution with healthy attitudes.

It's certainly possible to be a well-developed male with no interest in football, but that needs to be a personal choice, not imposed by parents. He's unreasonable to think he can prohibit an interest in a culturally dominant sport which is a major part of socialising through the primary school years.

Is he a failed footballer?

I voted YABU, not because I totally agree with your DH's thought process connecting the unpleasant adult behaviour around the sport to Little Kickers (etc), but because you describe it as his one major dealbreaker/line in the sand opinion about the way your child is raised, which is important to him because of past trauma and which you were informed of well in advance of the situation arising.
Yes, he is going to have to deal with your son playing football at break (although many schools ban balls in playgrounds, so it might be It for a long time instead), but that is a completely different thing to his wife actively taking the child to a club that the child isn't even aware of, against his strong wishes.

Oh no, not competitiveness. God forbid a boy should get involved with anything that involves competitiveness. Maybe the OP could take him to an activity where everyone joins hands and dances in a circle for an hour instead?

Otherwise your post makes a fair point, assuming you wrote it in 1985.

How some parents on the touchline behave towards children I’m not sure he’ll become enamoured to it.

I don't believe you should take DS behind DH's back. Sit him down and talk to him that you get his hatred but does he want his hatred for a sport to stand between him and what his DS is showing interest in? The interest isn't anything toxic, so, he should see reason and allow his DS a hobby.

The only time I went to an under 11s football game, one parent was encouraging their team to "pass the fucking ball" and one boy was urged to "stop standing around like a lazy fuck and get in the fucking game".

I'm not sure you understand what a boundary is. What you're using as an example is controlling someone else's behaviour, which is not a boundary. It's control.

A boundary around this might look like DH explaining to the rest of the family that he has a deep seated aversion to football, and while is happy for everyone else to make their own personal choices around football, he will not be getting involed.

I forbid any member of this family to become involved in football is not a boundary. Can you see the difference?