AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

This is a fact 😁

Can't you just do something like

Stocking upstairs first

Santas presents and presents from the you

Then lunch then all family presents with the rest of the family

Er no. But I think a whole stocking of bits from Father Christmas, plus a main present and then a few from mum and dad is ample to entertain a child for what, less than six hours? We’d be bigging up, “wow Father Christmas got you a scooter, how exciting and how lucky you are, look at the shiny wheels, etc. etc.” so the kids enjoy what they’ve received instead of just immediately wanting to move onto the next thing. Kids are free to play with toys, watch a film or heaven forbid interact with guests. I can think of loads of things that would keep me entertained all morning but I have to say I wouldn’t be buying an iPad for a child under the age of about 10.

It’s not difficult to manage the situation as a parent, ”Mummy and daddy are making the lunch and after that we can all open the rest of the presents. Who are you most excited to give yours to?” Etc. etc.

Its really not miserable and makes it a fun day for everyone, without the focus just being on kids’ immediate opening of an enormous amount of gifts which I find very crass and thoughtless.

I’ve seen this ‘stretches the excitement’ comment a few times. Seems like nonsense to me. The excitement has already stretched since Halloween with media and school build up.
Open all the presents first thing, then they can be played with all day. Have a leisurely lunch (in our family children were allowed up between courses to look at/play with new stuff and were recalled when the adults were ready for the next course). Watch some tv/play with toys/snooze. Board games in the evening. Fun all day and no children agitating for lunch (the best bit) to be over quickly!
I haven’t seen this in these precise words here, but it’s been implied a bit - the whole ‘Christmas is over by (early time) if you open all the presents first thing’ view. No, it’s not. A family Christmas is about enjoying time together. That’s what comes after the presents are ‘out of the way’.

I don't think it's miserable but couldn't you compromise? Three opening sessions sounds like the answer - DC stocking from FC straight away, gifts within your own family unit after breakfast and gifts between wider family after lunch as per your tradition.

My parents used to make us do it your way- was absolutely tedious and unfair on little kids as they are expected to sit still and be patient on a day when they are overexcited. I remember someone usually got shouted at for not being able to sit still which just spoiled the whole thing. I don't like the other way of just all at once in the morning, so we do a mix. Santa stockings first thing in the morning and the rest after breakfast- but no taking turns or being on show being watched opening things. No one gets overwhelmed/antsy that way.

I agree with you OP and it is how we have always done it.

My DH doesn't do any of the grunt work, so Christmas happens how I want. Told him years ago we could have equal say if he did 50% of the organising.

I think when a 3 year old opens a present, they don't think, 'Oh, I want to open another one!'. I think they think 'OMG!!!! This is so cool, I want to play with it!'

Let them play with the toy they've opened!

Also, I think staggering presents is the way forward. Your child will enjoy what they see as their 'normal' Christmas!

Perhaps try to explain it to your husband from your 3 year olds point of view, be prepared to compromise

This is also a really good point!

@Brandysauce , I just think it’s extremely important for children to understand and appreciate that people have been thoughtful and generous to them. I suppose it is a little bit formal but why is that an issue?

Why do you think opening them first thing is ‘mindlessly tearing’? What an odd and unpleasant view. You mention class. This comment shows no class at all.

Sitting around watching people unwrap gifts, one by one, sounds absolutely fucking awful to me. And I personally wouldn’t want all eyes on me, looking for my reaction as I opened my present- I’d be too uncomfortable to sound genuinely pleased, even if I was.

Stocking first
Up and dressed and breakfasted
Then immediate family presents in the morning & Santa gift
Play with gifts
Lunch with extended family
Present giving and opening of extended families gifts.
Board games & drinks and nibbles

We used to do it exactly your way OP, and looking back it had several downsides.

The wait definitely felt long. Realistically no one toy is going to entertain a child all morning when they know full well there is a pile of stuff to open. And with a 3 year old you really need stuff to keep them occupied during the meal.

The taking in turns thing was a really bad idea with hindsight. It highlighted if some people had more gifts than others or if gifts weren’t “equal”. Also, if someone wanted to stop and play with or look at one of their gifts, this was unpopular as they were holding up the unwrapping process for everyone else. Kind of the opposite of what you want. Much better to distribute the gifts and then everyone opens at their own pace.

It’s not clear what your intentions are re the meal but suggest you don’t try keeping a 3 year old at the table for a long drawn out meal.

What we do now is try to drip feed the presents across the day, mainly before the meal.

I'm with you, stockings in morning, one present from under the tree in the morning, then we go out (beach for a swim!), then over to family. We take some of the toys from the stocking. Presents - usually a mix of before and after food, mine likes to open and play with a present before she moves on to the next, and I'm the same, I like to appreciate each one! Otherwise it just becomes a bit grabby and excessive.

We do stockings first thing, but downstairs as they are hung on the fireplace. Father Christmas only brings the stocking presents, but they are quite generous, not just socks and an orange. Then we all get dressed and have a lovely breakfast. Depending upon who is with us for Christmas, getting dressed might be the new tshirt and comfy trousers Santa brought, or a nice outfit.
Then the cooking crew do 30 mins of lunch prep, or what ever is needed, and then we start tree gifts which are from the family and friends. We tend to go slowly one at a time, but dont stop to play each one or try on outfits! If we need to, more stops are made for drinks, snacks and cooking. As the dc are older, we also might stop to go skiing for an hour or so. Our big meal is usually a late lunch and then the afternoon is a walk/sledding, playing with presents, tv, relaxing etc.

OP how about you meet in the middle, do stockings first thing, then maybe breakfast, then direct family presents (so parents to dc and dc to dc) then take a break until any other people arrive and then finish the rest of the presents. Point out to DH that small children often get overwhelmed if they get too much at once and then things can get lost/forgotten/broken in the chaos

No, this will not work at all.
You can save a big present to after lunch (not one they have desperately asked for)

It is in my house, given that I've planned, budgeted, searched, bought, carried, wrapped and set out almost every present. Which I imagine is not too unusual.
A benign dictatorship, but a dictatorship nonetheless

My DH's family would do stocking first thing then they had to wait until after Christmas dinner to open other presents. DH hates Christmas and doesn't like presents full stop because of his parents sucking all the fun out of Christmas.

We do all presents in the morning (which was how I was brought up) then if there is a family get together in the afternoon or boxing day there is more presents.

There is no right or wrong, everyone does it different. Although I do secretly resent PIL for completing ruining Christmas for DH as I love Christmas.

You are going to crush the excitement by making them wait op!

Both approaches are equally valid but you seem a bit obsessed with making a perfect Christmas, which will likely mean the opposite. Suggest you relax and enjoy the day however it goes. Compromise with your Dh. Also your kid will not appreciate the one thoughtful morning gift. More likely will spend the morning pestering you to open presents and drive you crazy.

And this word breakfast, who has breakfast on Christmas Day? 😂

for us it was a selection box for breakfast to keep the energy up, the joys of a working class family! Loved it and wouldn’t change anything, Christmas is definitely a lot quieter for my children than it was for us as we all lived within walking distance of each other eg aunts and uncles, dh’s family is spread out across Scotland.

My exDH was the same as yours and I was the same as you!! We ended up compromising and spread gift opening out but only over the morning - stockings were opened in their rooms and contained chocolate, a pencil, story tape (cassette) and a book - plus a satsuma . Once we were all awake we went downstairs to the tree for the bigger gifts - kids usually had 6 presents each so I tried to slow things down by limiting gifts opened at a time ie one before breakfast, one after breakfast but before getting dressed, one before church, two after church etc.

We saw grandparents, uncles, aunties etc either at lunch or on Boxing Day with yet more presents so I tried to slow the excitement levels there a little by making them put the paper in the bin, find the gift tag, help me write down what the gift was and who from so we could do thank you letters later. (Thank you letters were a big thing to me but my DH had never written one in his life so couldn't see why I bothered!)

@Pottedpalm because as many other people have also said, everyone sitting watching one person perform as they open a gift, then moving on to viewing the next person is miserable and excruciating. 🤷‍♀️

We've always done it your way, OP. Works brilliantly. Stockings first thing, then presents after lunch with a party atmosphere, crackers and hats and small games at the table while a rota of adults are clearing up in the kitchen to reset the house and make it lovely for the afternoon present opening..

Some people are bewildered by the idea of 'making a child wait' - but if you've always done it that way, they perfectly understand that's how it's done. I'm bewildered myself at the thought of ripping open all the presents in the morning and that's it, the biggest excitement of the season is over with hours of the day still to go!

Much more relaxed and fulfilling to have them in the afternoon and making the day one nice thing after another, spreading out the fun..

This is how we do it. I don't see how it's miserable at all - it spreads the fun out.