AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

We did it your way growing up. Santa left a pillow case of gifts on our beds which we opened in the morning. Then family gifts, which had been under the tree for weeks anyway, were opened after lunch. My mum had a little book to keep a record of who got us what so we could write thank you cards. With OH and my own children we open everything in the morning all together in the living room.
When we have our second christmas at my parents house we still open gifts after lunch, but there are no santa gifts then so nothing is opened in the morning but the kids don't mind waiting.

We followed my DP's tradition and do stockings in the morning then all other presents after Christmas lunch. Contrary to some PPs my kids have always been perfectly happy with this. We also have presents on boxing day if we are seeing more family then. I think it's nice to spread it out.

There is no right or wrong way though - it's unfair of your DH to say your way is "miserable", but equally you shouldn't feel the need to "put your foot down". Also, you are allowed to shake things up and how you choose to do things this year doesn't have to be the blueprint for every other year. Maybe compromise by trying it one way this year and changing it next year if it doesn't work?

The order is

stockings
breakfast
presents
(kids play while adults prep lunch)
lunch
kids play/parents veg out in front of telly

I do think it’s cruel to make them wait all day for presents.

I don't really have a view on how you open presents.

But
This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

I think you need to tell all parents of 3 year olds what this mythical present is?

I'm team DH.
As a child, everything was opened in the morning.
As I let my children do. I don't do stockings so it's just a dash downstairs
I do stipulate no gifts until I've had caffeine but we do take turns, as my children like to hand out the presents to each other. Everything under the tree is from Santa. Children open other family presents when they see them, usually in the next day or so.

We couldn't wait until other family arrive as we don't have anyone coming over. We also aren't going to see anyone either.

The afternoon is for a big dinner and playing with toys. I'd run out of patience having to tell my children to wait

We've always done this OP, the DDs didn't know anything different. Stocking and a couple of decent presents in the morning when they wake up. Rest of it after lunch with the rest of the family, all taking it in turns, not a mad ripping up paper rush and you've then go no idea who gave who what.

Growing up me and my 3 siblings would wake up early and open our stockings in our rooms that would keep us occupied for an hour or so and then an hour or so later the parents would say Santa has been I'd we'd all be opening presents together. I loved this and often miss it.

Now, as I'm married, we're at my parent one year and my husband's parent the next. At my parent we still open presents together when we go over, before eating.

My husband's parent is still in the morning but they take turns and I honestly hate it. I go along with it obviously because it's their tradition and who am I to say no? The reason I hate it is because then all the attention is on me while I open a present and it stresses me out and makes me more anxious than I'd like, haha.

Is there no compromise you could do? Maybe let child open half the presents in morning and then other half after dinner?

Gifts open in the morning, lunch, kids and elderly guests have a sleep/rest . Compare to stocking open, lunch, kids exhausted and gifts being opened slowly. Edited to say it’s good idea from other posters to open the gifts not from Father Christmas after lunch - so that the grandparents etc can see their gift being opened.

We did it your way as kids. All of have grown up to do it your husbands way. It was torture as kids!!

Order Of the day growing up and now:
Stocking
Breakfast
Main presents opened
Lunch
Play with new toys, board games etc
Go for walk when cabin fever sets in (nap time for older generation)

I don’t know anyone who waits until the afternoon to do presents. Also, taking it in turns is too formal and takes forever, tried it one year and wouldn’t do it again.

Your way sounds utterly miserable to me, as a small child having to wait for presents that you can see, and having to spend the day in a house full of family, when you just want to play with your new toys, no thanks.

it IS rigid, and you are so focused on recreating what you think you remember to accept compromise, or recognise that it might not turn up the way you want it anyway.

I wouldn't spend an entire day indoors anyway, I would be pretty miserable if my husband was as rigid as you and refused to consider doing something out of the house at some point. As an example, it's Christmas, stay open minded and COMPROMISE.

Your way is roughly how we do things - I like it paced out for the kids and our family all live far away so we wait and open presents from them whilst video calling BUT I don't put my foot down. I have a chat with husband and we work it out between us. Stockings in bed, then breakfast, then presents from us. A break, phone Granny, presents over video call with her. Lunch then video call other Granny.

The magic of Christmas is seeing the kids running downstairs saying he's Ben and excitedly opening their presents, it would be absolutely miserable making them wait hours to do that and I think that's rather mean.

THIS!

We do the stockings in the morning and family presents after lunch. We like spreading it out through the day and my kids are not miserable!
We also do table presents which we open with lunch - between the roast and pudding. It's normally a game/activity that can be done at the table.

I would rather give my kids presents off us in the morning rather than with all the other kids there.
It will be chaotic enough as it is after lunch if they're all opening their presents, and you'll find your child will probably either get overwhelmed or bored of opening presents.

Some really interesting replies! Interesting to see those who did it the same way as I did and that some liked it, and some didn’t. I must say, though it sounds formal it was really great fun with my grandparents and extended family — I wouldn’t want to continue the tradition if I’d hated it. I’m not a “rigid” fun sucking person on any level, not trying to torture the poor child!

I think the principle of opening santa presents in the morning then doing family gift exchange later works. However it's the balance that seems odd. You say 'stockings' but also a 'really fun' thing. So if they were getting a bike or roller skates would they be in a stocking? That seems odd to me. For us stockings are small and often silly things. Then there's some big santa presents too including a 'main present' for the kids. I think that it's good to get that 'main present' opened earlier or else the kids are still all hyped up and nervous/excited wondering all day if they've got what they really wanted.

Aunts and uncles presents are nice but they're not usually butterflies in the tummy santa letter exciting.

I always left a stocking in my daughter's bedroom with enough small but exciting presents so that she wouldn't wake us up at the crack of dawn. My mum always stayed the night on Xmas Eve so she was here for the start of the day. I got up about 9 to make breakfast, then we sat down at 10 to open all the presents under the tree. My husband set off to collect his Mum at about 11.00 whilst I got the turkey on and then we had party food snacks and more presents when his Mum arrived. That left plenty of time to play with new toys etc before dinner at about 5 pm. It would have been far too long to make my daughter wait if we hadn't opened presents until after the turkey.

There's nothing more likely to spoil a Christmas Day in my opinion than regimented up tight routines that people get wound up about , masquerading as traditions. Personally I hate the sitting around each opening 1 present at a time 'thing' - feigning excitement at a pair of socks etc - I think everyone should open them when they want to - in my case that would be after breakfast but before prepping lunch - we have lots of time in afternoon as everyone requested Xmas dinner at 5 to 6pm rather than lunchtime

'And I still retain the horrible feeling of opening presents in public, and being expected to exclaim over them. Not exciting for me.'

This! I hated the first few xmases with DHs family. Particularly as MIL is terrible at getting gifts for me. Having to fake smile for ages and model a horrid orange poncho with pom poms was hard.

Anyone with such a fixed idea of how a day should go, especially one involving young children, is only in for disappointment. Your proposal sounds like something from the 19th century.
I'm with your DH, presents should be opened in the morning so they can be played with all day, they've waited all month why would you make them wait longer! Do you normally have control issues?

This is what I was going to ask, is the stocking all the kid gets from santa? If so we kind of do it like you. Stocking and santa stuff is laid out at the fireplace for when kids come down in the morning and they open all of that and play with it. Then we do the tree presents (a gift from mum and dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc) after lunch

I agree it’s probably a middle class delayed gratification type of approach.

that wins the thread.
HOW do you manage to bring social class in this?😂

I can't think of a more depressing Christmas when you don't plan things because you like them, but because you think your way makes you superior in your fight to keep up with the Joneses.

(this is not addressed to the OP, but to the "middle-class" poster)