AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Obviously you and your husband have to talk about your ideal Christmas day and come to some sort of compromise.

I'd begin by asking what is the aim of the day. How do you want everyone, including the children, to feel? What do you think will best meet those aims? Are your expectations reasonable or realistic?

Hours in front of the tree mostly watching others open gifts while waiting for it to be your turn again doesn't sound like a lot of fun, and Christmas is supposed to be fun.

Maybe instead of all presents turn taking, perhaps just the main present is saved for the family turn taking ritual. Everyone has one special gift that gets opened in front of everybody and the rest of the day is more relaxed and informal.

That's the way I did it growing up but DH opened all his presents in the morning. I think it's miserable doing it that way. What is there to look forward to if you've opened all your presents by breakfast.
We have sort of compromised. Kids have their presents from us in the morning. We go to my parents and they have presents from my side of the family after lunch.
But I should have put my foot down and insisted on all presents (except stockings) were after lunch
YANBU.

What a weird attitude. Performing? It's miserable and excruciating to spend 30 seconds watching someone else open a present? How self absorbed.

What is there to look forward to if you've opened all your presents by breakfast.

Loads of things! Christmas isn't just about the presents.

Bit mean like. Making little kids wait all day.

Why don't you compromise and half them so you both get your way.

We’ve always done a mix of this.
stockings and presents from us in the morning. Presents from family in the afternoon after dinner or when we see them for those that don’t live close.

Same here. Stockings in the morning, walk or run, board games, eat Quality St, prepare lunch, maybe visit someone (depends on elderly relative status), eat lunch, wash up, tree presents when it's dark.

It works for us and my siblings do the same with their own families.

It's just me and my 2 boys on the day, we'll see family over the festive period so it's not a case of having so many gifts they need hours and hours to open then.

The big old lumps now anyway.

We always did it your way in my childhood and it's what we do still. It makes it much more exciting for children having presents to look forward to and open later on. Children tend to be more excited about opening presents than playing with them, so the day is effectively over if you give all presents at once early on!

I hate the idea of having my children open gifts from us in front of everyone. Firstly because I hate the show performance of it all, I don’t need several people watching me unwrap my gift as we take turns. Secondly when I was younger we did this sometimes and I was always so embarrassed when I got more expensive big gifts then my cousins etc. my parents had a lot more money and it showed, even though we kept the really expensive items to one side.

We open gifts from grandparents infront of them because the same money is spent on all grandchildren, same for gifts to nieces and nephews. I spend the same on my nephews and nieces as my brothers and in laws spend on my children.

However we get our gifts out the way in the morning on our own. Stockings upstairs, breakfast and then gifts from Father Christmas and finally presents for our children from us.

I understand wanting to open gifts from grandparents etc in front of them, so they can join in the joy and be thanked. However the wider family don’t need to see what my husband and I spend on each other and our children so that’s done separately.

I think you have a very romantic view of it and are setting yourself up for disappointment and argument.

You need to work out your new family traditions around you, your husband and children. What you all want and enjoy.

Like you we have stockings first thing, followed by a cooked breakfast, a walk with dogs around the village (never worked trying to fit it in later) and then presents around the tree. If there were any extended family coming later for our Christmas meal (usually served about 3pm) then we would have presents for/from them after dinner with some games.

Everyone has a different view of how to spend Christmas and usually when you get married you find the other side of the family has done it differently and therefore it’s all about compromise so everyone is happy and enjoys it. Whatever you do, just make sure you remember it’s about being together and being happy. Enjoy!!!

I think you should agree on a compromise OP. The stocking in bed sounds lovely. Then could you open presents from father Christmas and yourselves in the morning? Save the ones from family until after lunch?

Everyone who had nice Christmases in childhood wants to regress to that and repeat it as an adult. Don’t force the way your childhood family did Christmas on your new family, find a new way that works for all of you. Not all your way, not all your husband’s way.

Isn't there a compromise? We do:

Stockings and main present for kids as that's usually from 'santa' first thing (downstairs though on our case)

Then all the other presents to each other and guests mid morning over coffee / biscuits/ mince pies etc. Generally whenever DH has a gap in the roast cooking when he doesn't need to be in the kitchen. Someone dishes the gifts out in turn (usually the kids like this job now they are older and wear a Santa hat / elf hat to do it!) so we do watch each other open them and appreciate them, say thank you to giver etc (I'm not a fan of just ripping it all open). If there are a lot of presents from people who are not with us on the day, we sometimes leave some of the them until the afternoon if it's taking a long time. And if we are seeing someone boxing day we'll exchange with them then so it's never loads of presents at once.

Admittedly our guests are usually staying the night or arriving by about 10.30, so may not work if yours arrive later. And we only have 5-7 for Xmas day usually so turn taking doesn't talk too long, can see it might be hard work with a big group!

I do think the kids will be hard work and rushing lunch if you make them wait until after lunch for most presents, particularly if Santa isn't bringing the main present. I think if your guests arrive later than ours, I would maybe do your presents to kids and each other in the morning, and then gifts from guests in the afternoon?

guests - friends or family members - who can and bring gifts are appreciated and thanked appropriately.

ALL the presents at home come from Santa in my neck of the world. Little kids don't believe in him for long, they will have years to be grateful for mummy and daddy - even more grateful when they realise all the Christmas set up was from them in the first place.

It doesn't make them brats or rude, it gives a bit of magic when they are young enough to believe in it. It won't last.

I plan Christmas for my kids to be happy, not to make myself important and receive gratitude but each to their own. Mainly we go with the flow, no one gets shouted at because they dont' stick to the schedule.

Ha ha. What else is it about? It's a massive consumer fest. It's not like we're going to watch King's College choir or the King's Speech! 😂

But I don't have anyone except DC to celebrate it with, so perhaps that's why.

We do stockings first thing, everyone gets showered and dressed smartly, then breakfast (I get the lunch on) and then while it’s cooking, we divide up and open presents. We couldn’t possibly go one person and one present at a time, it would take us into new year. I have 16 staying and 21 for lunch. It isn’t a frenzy of tearing paper, we’ve taught the children to be mindful and grateful. We’d be sitting around for a while if we did the tree presents after lunch.

@Brandysauce could you find a middle ground? Our way may work for you.
morning - rip open stocking first thing on parents bed.
then play for a bit then breakfast.
Then after breakfast the kids open their Santa gifts from under the tree.
Then lunch
Then afternoon is for opening family gifts in turn so ones from grandparents, aunts etc.
It spreads it out nicely, the kids get some in the morning and some in the afternoon which also gives them time to appreciate them all.

We always did taking in turns (old person here) but my sister and I went first. When we'd finished then parents took it in turns

That way everyone knew who'd bought them what - very useful for Thank You letters!

You forgot the important bit ..........
.... in your house!

In my house all Santa presents are in the living room, and we all rush downstairs in the morning to see if he's been.

I think DH’s way for younger kids, your way is nicer as the children get older say 10+.

you realise it can be excruciating BEING the person opening the presents?
I don't care if you look at me, but I am not specially shy or introvert. I can still recognise that not everyone is like me. Can't you?

I always opened "Santa" presents first thing and then "under the tree" presents after lunch when I was a child. DH also disagreed with this!
Seeing as we usually go to family for lunch who have presents there for us to open we tend to compromise and let the DC open everything that's in our house in the morning then they get other presents after lunch if we're eating elsewhere.
Stockings are always downstairs though.
You need to come up with a compromise together, you can't have it all your way!

Everyone does things differently. We've done it your way OP as we have animals that need sorting too, so "Santa Sack" first thing with nibbly breakfast, then off to sort the animals, go for a hack all dressed up etc. while dad (now DH) preps lunch. Presents after lunch with all the family around, when we get to see some of the joy and it doesn't just become an exercise in unwrapping. Thing is, we have presents under the tree from the moment the tree goes up, so the kids (currently 3 and 5) are used to seeing them there and knowing they are not for now (and also that an awful lot of them are for friends and family). They love having a prod and shake to see if they can guess what is in their presents, it just builds the excitement. I also loved doing it like that as a kid. TBF, our Santa Sacks have always been pretty epic, and the highlight of the day, so never felt as though we were missing out.

My childhood christmas was similar to op's -> stockings before breakfast, and then main presents well into the afternoon because relatives popped in, coffee had to be made etc.

It was miserable. As a kid you have to sit there, bored as fuck knowing there's a heap of exciting stuff just waiting to be played with.

For one day a year just let the kids tear into things and be excited about it, rather than all this "spreading the fun" out bullshit.

I think most kids won't want to wait to open more presents! The afternoon can be spent playing with them all