AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

This.

And I want to know how many presents all these overwhelmed children are receiving?

Sounds almost cruel OP, like you are taunting them, blackmailing them.

I don't do stockings in my house so everything under the tree, that appears around 11pm on Christmas eve is from Santa.

Family gifts are exchanged whenever we see them

The big change we've both made to our childhood Christmases has been to move Christmas dinner from lunch-time to late afternoon/evening.

On a day when it's already getting dark at 3pm, unless unusually bright, it makes little sense to spend the daylight hours stuck in the kitchen or eating dinner, leaving a long dark afternoon to be filled with drinking too much and feeling a bit ill.

This thread feels like it’s struck a cord because we have all been that excited child and being forced to wait can be unbearable, others have real experiences of this and some are defensive about insisting on waiting. Why wait? No one is really sure.

The narration is purely to ensure the list is accurate! I could observe in silence and just look over their shoulder to see what it is to write down I suppose.

It sounds rather drawn out and unfair on a 3 year old. If your child was older I can see they might have some self-control about it.
Saying that though, I remember when my child was 2 and they made present opening last all day because they would open a present and immediately wanted it opened fully to play with it for ages, then they wanted to move onto the next ones. They did it with everything they opened. So it might last all day anyway, but I think you should go with the flow and be less uptight about it.

If that was the case I would never have been able to open any christmas presents in my whole life EVER

OP we always did it your way too. I like the delay and anticipation. Stockings from FC early first thing, then most presents from us, each other and extended family in the afternoon after lunch. (FC only brings stockings and we give main presents from us, then family etc).

We’ve adjusted over the years and with different size gatherings though. Now we still do stockings first thing, but we open a good handful in the morning too - usually ones from people we won’t see in the afternoon, plus a few main and exciting ones.
Afternoon is saved for presents from and to people who are in the room at the time, and we open one by one and admire (though we keep the flow going). I absolutely hate the idea of “mad free for all ripping paper off” - you can’t thank people or see your present being opened or admire things.

Presents in the morning, nice breakfast, kids play with their new toys while grown ups talk and prepare christmas dinner. In the afternoons it is time for family games, cards, monopoly, chirades. Old ones fall asleep, kids go to bed, parents stay up and enjoy the peace. Proper christmas.

Some people enjoy cooking in a family setting like that - others come in and out to take turns helping and visiting with the primary cook in between going off and playing and socializing. My kitchen isn't tucked away in a basement or cordoned off with no one allowed in and I'm guessing that poster's isn't either. Actually one of the reasons I always liked helping in the kitchen as a child and being the primary cook now is that I really enjoy being on the periphery of all the noise and excitement more than being in the middle of it, especially at a time of year that tends to be really full-on. And some families are perfectly happy doing main gift opening later in the day so that doesn't feel like an inconvenience.

I get that some people see cooking as a chore to make short work of and I'm not going to try to convince them they're doing it wrong and shortchanging their family if they don't change to fit my personal preferences. Can you do the same for others?

This sounds very similar to our day. Completely agree that the mindless rush to open hundreds of presents sounds awful. How do you know who has bought what so you can thank them?!

Well, my daughter is 28 and my oldest niece is 40. They all managed, so no luck needed. One of the nieces was a chronically bad sleeper, but she was still able to stay in bed until an appropriate time. It’s a better way of stopping overwhelm than trying to limit presents.

I agree with your husband.

I hate the opening of presents one by one in front of everyone. Some people are really shit at present buying and you have to fake a positive reaction. Too much pressure to find the perfect gift for everyone. No thanks

Where on earth do you get the idea Christmas Day is the only time from that? Defensive much?

Christingles is a CoE celebration, iirc.
We are Catholic and the early Christmas Eve Mass is a full RC Mass, with choir, incense, children gathered around the altar for a child-centered homily, all the bells and whistles. Midnight Mass in my parish starts with carols at 10 and Mass at 11, again with incense, and the combined adult choirs. There's an even earlier Christmas Eve Mass too, with the men's choir. It's a long night for the organist, who puts in a nine+ hour shift starting at 4pm (3:30 if you count the warmup).

The early bedtime thing is something British people believe passionately in (my mother did too), but lots of people around the world do things differently, with no obvious ill effects. On an individual level, some children need more and some less sleep than others. Mine were night birds who were always up in time for dressing, breakfast, and getting out for the 8 o'clock start to school.

I think the poster sniffing at letting a child dictate the schedule of the day probably lost sight of how the usual dinner at midday, and the present opening routines, are actually done because children used to a very early bedtime would be the worse for wear if dinner started at 6 or later.

All the horror at people "depriving" their children of gift opening until mid-day on Christmas is baffling. Norms are set within each family and DC just learn to look forward to whatever time is gift time in their home, and that's what they think of as Christmas.

My father remarried in my late teens and his wife grew up with all gift opening happening on Christmas Eve. They didn't do stockings and Santa brought children one gift on Christmas morning. That was normal Christmas for her, and I remember lots of discussion after they married because she didn't want to torment her DC by making them wait all the way until Christmas Day to open gifts when gifts are supposed to be a Christmas Eve activity in her mind. Do any of the "if you don't open gifts Christmas morning your poor children are being deprived" people think maybe they've actually been unfairly tormenting their DC for a whole night unnecessarily all this time?

Very similar for us. Why complicate things. We pop them under tree, most from Santa and others from relatives. Toys are played with from 7am onwards.

Reading this thread I'm thinking that my Christmases growing up weren't normal. Does Santa bring presents and put them under the tree???
In our house it was always a stocking from Santa (lower ticket items) and big presents under the tree from parents and family.

Why do you think opening them before lunch means a ‘mindless rush’ with no note taken of who gave what to whom? Weird.

Get them opened early, they are all from santa anyway. After they are all opened, go round with black bin liner tidy up the wrapping paper mess and enjoy the day. When family get over, be it later in the day, or boxing day, more presents!!

Perhaps you might consider how many times you have read threads mentioning ND children, many of whom get very easily overwhelmed (ds was like this at a small party of 6 children he knows well) before insinuating the reason they are overwhelmed is due to being spoiled with a gazillion presents?

This. Yes look at dad opening a shit chess set from Uncle Jon. Nice.