AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

My mother would spend most of the day cooking and I missed her so much. In hindsight it was avoidant behaviour. She was actively avoiding.

I love cooking and preparing a wonderful lunch but not for pretty much most of the day, and not at the expense of my family. Just saying.

There’s a lot of overthink8ng. I had a stocking of small gifts and presents labelled from family and friends under the tree. Santa brought them all, which is why they weren’t under the tree before Christmas morning. I never questioned it. Stop trying to over explain everything to kids.

Ditto!

Stocking, breakfast, get dressed, presents....then the rest of the day. Nothing worse than making kids sit around piles of presents and not letting them open them!

Miserable, drawn-out, cruel, blackmailing, taunting, unfair...really? Just because some people do Christmas differently from you? The only ones in a position to feel like that or know if that is true are the families, especially children, involved.

A lot of unkind projecting from other posters going on in this thread.

Edited to add a missed word

How sad! You just made her sit there in her bed, for hours….

That how we have always done it. Makes it less of a big deal when Father C isn’t believed in any more. We have presents from Father C in pillowcases with at least one thing from the list plus lots of little things to open. Then presents from parents and family friends under the tree after breakfast. Then family presents when we meet up for lunch. Presents opened before sitting down to lunch though. So sort of spread out. I’d never make the kids wait until after lunch.

Delayed gratification on Christmas day! That did make me laugh!

Anything other than opening presents first thing is miserable as fuck and cruel on the children

The only ones in a position to feel like that or know if that is true are the families, especially children, involved
And some of them have posted, in this thread, that it was miserable.

No. I didn’t make her do anything. It was a generally accepted rule every day, not just Christmas, that unless you were ill you didn’t get up until what was described as seven-oh-oh. My daughter generally slept past then anyway. My niece just did what she did every other day - doze or read/look at a picture book (age dependent). Much better for them than getting up at stupid o’clock and being overtired/overwhelmed later.

Your Christmases were perfectly normal, I think there's just a big range of normal on this.

I grew up with Santa bringing stockings and one gift for each young child, so similar to you. Personally I still feel strongly about not having everything be from Santa (I really don't want Santa to replace gift giving between family members in that way and I think it can put too much pressure on kids continuing to believe) and it also just plain feels impractical to me, so DH and I found split that works for our family. Santa brings stockings (older DC are invited to help stuff stockings to keep the magic alive for littles) and one or two mid-sized gifts per person. Everything else comes from plain old non-magical humans. Most of our close friend circle and extended family uses similar but not necessarily identical approaches and the idea of everything being from Santa still seems extreme to me. But if the latter is what delights someone else's family then get on with your jingle jangle selves and enjoy it - I don't need to get it.

@Brandysauce I think some people have given you a hard time. I grew up with the same Christmas Day plan and it’s what I do with my children. They’re not deprived or sad 😂😂😂

Tbh they get really good stockings - the basic pants, socks, etc but also small toys/gadgets etc that I know they’ll love, books they really want, lots of chocolates and sweets etc.

Presents from parents and other friends and family are under the tree and opened after lunch. They have plenty of time to play with main presents on Christmas Day in the afternoon and for the rest of the holidays.

I know my dc would be quite overwhelmed opening everything at once and would also struggle to appreciate everything.

Middle class children have shit presents like a new desk, a hardback picture atlas or a new duffle coat. One middle class colleague of mine hand-made her teenage son a Lego picture for his bedroom as his main present. Imagine. 🙄

So it doesn’t matter what time of day you open them. They’ll always be a disappointment.

It’s the one area that working class children have the advantage. Their parents will be up to their eyes in debt but their kids will always have cool trainers, an Xbox or a the latest Argos toy. And the correct way is to open them, of course, is first thing Christmas morning.

But if you’re a ‘new desk’ parent, yes, wait until the rest of the family arrive and hope and pray that one of them actually bothered to buy your child something decent.

I speak from experience - my first boyfriend's family did presents in the afternoon and it took all afternoon. We had to open presents one by one, taking it in turns, I dreaded it. They all had to give a long speech after each present about where they got the idea, why they bought it, what the lady in the shop said.... before moving on to the next person/present. Tedious.......oh look now its bed time. Night.

My parents did the drawn out thing, and it was horrible. Most of my memories around christmas as a kid are about sitting around, bored as fuck, not being allowed to open the presents because granny wasn't here yet, or the fucking kettle was boiling, or because the snowman was on tv, or whatever. When you are a kid christmas takes forever to come so making them wait for hours just staring at the presents is just fucking mean.

So with my kids we do stockings, we have a quick breakfast and we crack on with the presents, leaving the rest of the day to just enjoy playing with new games, watching a film etc without the need for performative, drawn out present opening.

Yes, but also saying that because it was like that it MUST be the same for everyone and every child.

I grew up in a house where all presents were opened early. It was over very quickly (small family, older parents) and the day then reverted to being a typical day with a slightly nicer lunch and some new books /games but ultimately not great shakes.

Dh introduced me to his family's way, which we now do.

How many times do we say, "it's not the same for everyone? It's okay to have different opinions?" And yet on this, it seems those who don't do the same as each other are cruel, miserable as fuck, taunting, blackmailing...awful things to accuse people of being when we all do the best we can for our children and families, who may well prefer different things.

That's bloody unreasonable. Do things your own way, I don't care how, just have a great day. But no need to slag off those who do things differently

I do t get this ‘wouldn’t appreciate everything’ point. Sure, if you took them all away again immediately they might forget some things - but they have the lifetime of the gift to fully appreciate it, surely?

I know my dc would be quite overwhelmed opening everything at once and would also struggle to appreciate everything

Mine don’t get so much stuff that it would be overwhelming and they’ve never struggled to appreciate gifts so we don’t have those issues!

Sure, whatever works, but I think seeing Christmas post presents as a normal day with a better lunch and some new stuff is quite sad.

So I guess the answer to my last question is no. You don't seem capable of supporting others having different preferences and ways of doing things than you or realizing that your experiences are not universal. That's rather sad, honestly.

Sitting around in a stage managed circle with everyone watching Aunt Jane open her new hat and scarf set and then moving on to everyone watching little Harry open up his new Peppa Pig toy, and congratulating oneself on practising delayed gratification, is not for me.

My ILs and DH experienced Christmas your way OP. They would try to 'win' Christmas by holding off on opening the last present. They would often be very pleased with themselves if they held off until Boxing Day. This worked fine for me as an adult experience, but I was very glad I didn't experience this type of Christmas as a child. Everyone is different.

My ILs and DH are all quite emotionally reserved and restrained people. Christmas Day, even with my young DNs, is very quiet and calm. I think it comes very naturally to them in terms of a Christmas Day structure. MIL will be in the kitchen all morning to prepare Christmas dinner for around 1pm and gift opening ends when this happens. I wouldn't say that it has made my DH or his siblings any better than me at delayed gratification in general but it suited their family very well.

My family is much more loud and extroverted. Christmas Day is busy and full of energy. My DF may be singing at random points in the day, there will be dancing, games, boisterous play etc. We have always got up around 6am to unwrap all of our presents, which is much earlier than ILs. In turns mind you, but without much fuss and moving at a quick-ish pace. We then get dressed in smart clothes and begin Christmas dinner preparations as a family, usually someone will lead (it varies) but everyone pitches in. After dinner, we often go out for a walk and then play games and have fun!

All this to say that perhaps one way or the other fits your family dynamic better. I find that high energy families don't often need to 'pad out' the day in such a way. I don't mean that as a criticism, I honestly see that prolonging the present unwrapping process brings my ILs joy. That's what it is all about!

The right way is thus:

• Presents under tree are from mum & dad and family (not Santa, why should he get all the credit??)

• Overnight, Santa magically deposits a stocking at the foot of the bed

• Child wakes up and is allowed to open the stocking straight away/run into parents room with stocking

• Everyone gets up and has some coffee and a special Christmas breaky

• Immediate family take turns opening presents from mum & dad & each other

• Christmas lunch with any extended family/friends

• Second round of present opening from any extras who may have arrived at lunch. So cousins opening presents from aunties etc. Usually much more low key as these presents aren’t going to be as good as the morning presents.

Doing the immediate family tree presents in the morning and a second round later on with lunch guests saves any weirdness if one set of parents in the family have spent more on their kids than another set of parents and saves any friends who have joined from having to watch children open every single present from their parents etc which would be weird and very tedious.

I never understand the neediness of parents who get jealous of Santa Claus getting the credit.