AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

I actually like cooking a lovely Christmas dinner for my adult children and their families. People help but it's my thing. It takes a while to cook if you don't do pre prepared food. Then there's setting the table too. There's a lot to do for 8 people inc prepping buffet stuff for later. No one is miserable at all and the food is a big part of the day. As a child I was definitely bursting with excitement but that was part of the fun. We love doing the presents slowly. Not exactly one at a time but it's nice to see what we have chosen for each other. Also I have seen my son in law noting who gave what to the children so that they can say thank you later. Anyway everybody does their thing in their own way and that doesn't make it miserable.

we always did it the way that most people do, we did the same for our kids, but I really like the sound of your idea of a Christmas Day.

This is how I feel too -
I don't want to watch various relatives opening presents. I want to watch DS excitedly open his presents in the morning. He plays with them all day.

Some cousins aren’t close enough for a day trip so family is together from Christmas Eve (or earlier) through all of Christmas Day (or beyond). And there are a ton of ways to approach that situation with none of being The One Right Way for All.

Putting your foot down on something that's a matter of personal preference is always unreasonable.
(By coincidence, you happen to be right; that was always the tradition in my family too. But that's by the way.)

Well it’s a good job no one is going to force you to do otherwise.

Many of us have done it with no issues Especially as the kids never knew any different

Wow, this seems to have really raised strong feelings...not a lot of Christmas spirit flying about from people harshly criticising and denigrating traditions of people who do things differently.

It is not inherently miserable for kids to not open everything all at once, and to wait until after lunch to open some presents. People shouldn't accuse others of that just because it's different to their way!

Nor does an early morning present opening frenzy necessarily bring about a load of materialistic kids who then are so absorbed in gifts that they ignore everyone - now that would be truly miserable.

Both are, of course, possible. But neither are a given and it shouldn't be assumed that they will be just be because it's different to your way. Live and let live, people! And do Christmas however works for you.

Op - your partner was unreasonable saying it was "miserable" but you're unreasonable "putting your foot down" (Although I think you were asking if you would be unreasonable to do so - so might not have been yet.) Good luck finding a compromise!

Edited to correct typo in first paragraph

I cannot think of a sentence I've liked to read less than "We don't open presents until after Parkrun".

They don't really notice. SIL does the the everything gets delivered from FC thing. We all turned up at my parents' house one year on the 23rd. Our presents for everyone went straight under the tree to join the ones from my parents and ones they had received from other friends.

SIL kept hers hidden until after all the children had gone to sleep on 24th. I don't think any of the children noticed the difference. My DC's cousins got more than them. Again they didn't really notice and didn't mention it.

(We do it your way, by the way. Kids have always had it like that since babies so happy to do so - gives them time to enjoy stocking gifts and stops them being completely overwhelmed and consequently over-excited and stressed out for the rest of the day.)

When we first had kids I was you and my dh was your dh. I didn't 'put my foot down' i actually gave dh's way a go and do you know what it's brilliant! It's how we always do it now. Try it

You are making this so difficult for yourself. The table could be laid in advance, the potatoes and veg all completed and ready to cook. Starters can be ready in advance and dessert. Almost every element can be prepared before therefore freeing you up on Christmas Day. Cooking the whole dinner with no prep is going to take hours of your day. Hours you could have enjoying the day, playing with children.

Also my children would stage a full scale revolution if we tried to pull this 😂

Same 🤣 we head downstairs and start opening gifts with some Christmas music on in the background pretty much straight away (slight delay for us to make a coffee)

Your Christmas Day sounds very regimented. You are setting such high expectations it will be almost impossible for something not to go according to your 'Christmas Schedule'

Miserable!

I think being that dogmatic about it and insisting on teaching children life lessons on Christmas Day is a bad case of willy waving by parents.

With our crew, we made the rule that 7 am, the kids can wake the adults up. Kids dive for stockings while adult zombie shuffle into the kitchen for caffeine. Stockings are small wrapped gifts, nothing fancy, but generally gives enough time for the adults to caffeinate to some level of coherence.

Then we move onto gift opening, cleaning out the bottom of the tree.

One AC stays home until the afternoon or Boxing Day, depending on their partner’s plans, and we do a second round of gift exchange when they arrive. This year, they probably won’t be here until January, as they just had a baby last week. 😁

No, she's making Christmas Day enjoyable for herself and her family while acknowledging that everyone else should do what works for them. Why are you trying to convince someone to be unhappy with a holiday structure that they and their family are enjoying? Because it's not what sounds best to you?

All the performance - Excellent/ Ooh what is it? A Lego.set? Brilliant - absolutely is about reactions. It's like a panto.

Why not just peel off the paper and add Lego.set/ Jane & Tom to the list without the narration?

We do take a break partway to clean up, get more coffee, pastries to nibble, etc.

We eat Christmas dinner around 5-6 pm, so loads of time to cook without anyone missing any gift opening

Just peeling off paper and adding to a pile really does sound joyless to me. The joy of Christmas isnt mainly presents to us, it's time spent together. Food, games and presents are just part of the day.

After lunch you play with the board games and toys you ripped open before breakfast?
I thought that's the whole point?

I would find it sad and frustrating losing a family member and not being able to open presents because they organised to be away in the kitchen for most of the day. I
imagine it impacts everyone.

Nah, I like opening all presents first thing in the morning and making them all from FC so DC think he's amazing and magical.

Relatives can bring their presents with them when they come for lunch so there will still be some presents for everyone to open after lunch as well.