AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

I genuinely don't understand this websites obsession with class! How does doing this make you middle class???

I asked my 9 year old the other day what her favourite part of Christmas Day was and she said ‘dinner, playing games and being with my family’. So what do you know? Kids can open all their presents first thing in the morning and not be greedy, materialistic brats who rip open their presents in a frenzy and are then bored for the rest of the day because they’ve got nothing left to open.

So for you the only fun is the actual opening of presents? I think that’s a bit sad.

I also think your way is miserable and said the same to my MIL a few years ago when we had Xmas there and she wanted to impose it on my kids (DH has done “morning” gifts since we had DC but his childhood was after lunch).

They were horrified… But I don’t understand waiting. It’s Xmas day! It’s just delaying the joy surely?

The argument always put to me is that it teaches “patience” but ffs Christmas for small kids is SO built up. It’s a month of Xmas craft at school. Weeks of activities and decorations and songs. Let them crack on and open their gifts in the morning. They’ve already been patient.

In fairness, we always hold a couple back for the afternoon but the main “gift” bonanza is in the morning in PJs.

These years are so short! I remember us all being teens and my Mum wanting to drag us out of bed to do gifts. They have their whole lives to be grown ups doing it in the afternoon.

Do you think the several posters who have said doing it this way was miserable told their parents at the time? Or might they have made the best of it?

Surely the tradition of opening presents on an afternoon came from the fact people were at Church on Christmas morning? If you’re not at Church celebrating Christmas, I don’t see any need to wait. Or is it because you’re secretly emulating the royal family 😄
I grew up in an afternoon presents household (after Church) and I promised myself from a very young age that I’d never do that to my children. To me, Christmas is the one day for not having rules. We go to Church on Christmas Eve, so it’s fair game in the morning….6am, 7am…I don’t care. Presents aren’t ‘ripped’ open in a frenzy. We then have a lovely breakfast, carols from Kings and open one or two family presents in the afternoon. Board games, movies, snack and a walk. Bliss.

At 4 am you tell them it’s not Christmas yet. 7am was the rule when I was growing up and for my DD and nieces.

My mil has no idea. We grin and bear it when we visit for Christmas dinner on those years as magically Santa has always been there too where we then have to preform. A couple of use adults have started going oh no don’t wait for us, let Timmy open his and basically hoarding ours till the very end to get it over with.

Can't you do a bit of both?

All the presents from you or Santa in the morning.
Gifts from family who will be there to give them to him in the afternoon?

We do a middle ground on this, stockings and presents from us and non family ppl in the morning then after kick family we are with or not seeing in the next couple of days. Especially with smaller children I find spreading it out works nicely but needs to be enough in the morning.

We do it your way, OP. DS is happy with a stocking (this will be his second Xmas of not getting a few presents from Santa) and then we all open gifts together after a big family lunch.

He has always enjoyed it as he looks forward to getting his main gifts in the afternoon.

I always wanted to keep 'Santa' gifts and gifts from us separate and never had his 'main' present from Santa, so it just worked for us.

Maybe quote the whole sentence where I said “they found it a bit overwhelming” as well?

They liked to play with their stocking stuff in the morning and then save the other presents until the afternoon 🤷‍♀️

The overwhelming isn’t relevant to your idea that the fun is over though, is it?

Your idea of Christmas is basically how I grew up except stockings didn’t go into parents’ rooms, everyone came out at dawn. Then every other year we were at grandparents’ with cousins so all our gifts from Santa and parents waited for us at home to open sometimes days later (so Christmas Day those years was stockings, gifts from GPs & family gifts exchanged between cousin sets). It seemed perfectly normal and full of excitement and magic and I never felt deprived, though the pre-gift opening bible reading usually ran long and had me fidgeting.

My DH grew up with the one big early morning gift scramble bonanza every year but no stockings and he’s perfectly well adjusted and not spoiled or greedy.

It doesn’t matter. One of these is not inherently better than the other, what matters in your family and to your DC is that you and DH compromise and don’t turn things like this into a battle. Talk about what’s important to each of you - DH loved the early morning excitement and didn’t want a whole day of just waiting waiting waiting. I loved the thrill of digging through a stocking with everyone half awake with bed-head but really wanted to make sure we got to enjoy watching the DC open their gifts that we spend so much time on and that the DC got to experience the same joy seeing others open gifts. So we figured out a mix that worked for us.

FWIW our DC all get a book and a little unique treat or drink just for them on Christmas Eve, on Christmas morning everyone comes out early in pyjamas and finds filled stockings and their one or two medium-sized gifts from Santa (I do have strong feelings about not having all or the biggest gifts be from Santa that my DH supports), then we do breakfast and family time (we usually buy a new game or two for Christmas plus every one has at least one Santa gift that point) and formal lunch, then all the non-Santa gifts between whoever is there celebrating are exchanged one at a time. If we’re with extended family we do sometimes save some of the mum & dad/sibling gifts for when we get home to limit cousins comparing & the whole opening session becoming so long that no one is having fun. So it’s a blend, it fits our shared wants and values, and it’s our Christmas.

What's with the shifting from room to room with the presents. Sounds ridiculous and laughable. I usually space them out purely because it's overwhelming and then they don't want to play with anything because there's too much not because we want to play some ridiculous performance of gift openings.

Christ, the judgment on this thread is just FLOODING out!!

As if opening presents all at once or in 2 sittings is a big fucking deal either way?!!

Do what the feck works for your family and if anyone doesn't like it they can bugger off and have a mince pie!

Joy to the World, people!!!

Sounds like you’ve made your mind up, but yeah your way does sound miserable. So you’re expecting a 3 year old to stare at a pile of presents but not open them until after Xmas dinner, at what time, 3pm at the earliest? By which time they’ll be crabby and tired I should think.

Your DH’s way is definitely the way I’d play it. There’ll be a few presents arriving from family they can open after lunch.

What a shame the only time you evidently spend time together is Christmas Day.

Bizarre the catty remarks from those that open their presents immediately.
I don't think either way is better, just have a way I prefer.

Good luck with that! How do you actually get over excited toddlers back to sleep?! I tried everything they were bouncing off the walls and woke up the whole house!
You have no chance trust me.

But when your children opens presents from yourself and your DH in front of other family members - how does that work as you may give one big gift and a few smaller ones to your children, your sister may give 10 gifts to each of her children, your brother might give one gift each to his, or they might not do gifts from parents and have everything they buy coming from Santa ?

How do all the children deal/absorb some of their cousins getting lots of gifts, others not so many, one 9 year old getting an iPad, the 9 yo cousin would love an iPad but doesn’t get one, etc ??

Don't the cousins open their presents from their mums and dads at home before they come round?

To be fair, those catty remarks are in response to catty remarks from Team Delayed Gratification - that opening all the presents in the morning means that Christmas is all about receiving presents (and I, like cardibach, don't see the logic in that - I'd think that stretching present-opening throughout the day makes it the focus).

The year they opened stockings and main presents before breakfast, they found it overwhelming and wished they had had waited for the main presents until after lunch.

They liked the excitement of the presents under the tree and the anticipation of opening them. The year they opened everything before lunch, they still enjoyed spending time together, played with their new toys, went out for a walk, played board games and all the other stuff, but decided that they preferred to keep the main presents for after lunch.

They're 19 and 24 now and still choose to open main presents in the afternoon.

DH and I did it that way growing up too and always preferred it.

It’s no big deal, you do your thing and we’ll do ours

3yos are very easily overwhelmed. And I have yet to meet a 3yo who can be occupied with one thing all morning.

So I would do some presents opinion in the morning, spread out, and some later with everyone there.

It’s amazing how polarising this is 😂 surely posters can have a preferred way of doing things without needing to write off any other way as materialistic, sad, greedy, etc?! Everyone usually prefers the traditions they grew up with but there is really no wrong way to enjoy Christmas and if you’ve married someone whose traditions are different to your own you can easily find a compromise.