AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

My family did it your way growing up. It was miserable and I found it so frustrating not to be allowed to do just be wildly excited for one day!

We did it exactly the same way in my family, although without cousins etc. which I guess makes it all take longer. Agree with others that it's totally fine but you need to compromise with your DH.

But you are not accounting for the fact that they get their father Christmas/Santa parents when they wake up.

"So the whole reason for those who make everyone wait is so it can be performance opening."

Not for us, it wasn't, @Wellingtonspie. We felt that it made the fun go on longer - the boys had their stocking presents to open in the morning, and I made sure they had stuff they'd enjoy playing with, and then the presents from under the tree were opened in the afternoon - but no performative opening, shaking, squishing, fake reactions.

I can understand people not liking the scenario where people take turns to open a present, with everyone else watching - but opening presents in the afternoon doesn't have to be like that. And I don't think there is any need for sneering about different ways of doing it.

As I said in my first post - I was brought up with stocking presents in the morning, and the rest after lunch, and I was perfectly happy with that - and the one time we did do it differently, because we were staying with friends who opened everything first thing in the morning, I didn't enjoy it. I felt that the day went flat, because I didn't have more present opening to look forward to.

I also suggested that the OP compromise by suggesting they do it her way this year and her dh's way next year, and see what works best for them.

Presents not parents

Good luck getting your three year old to wait until after dinner!

Mine managed just fine.

Oh and op aged 3 and 4 my toddlers Christmas Day started at 3am. Why? Because they spotted their stocking and was way too excited to go back to sleep!!!! It was the longest day ever!!! We were opening presents at 6am and it felt like the afternoon 🤣😂

Agree with your husband completely. I would have HATED this as child, as would my kids. I can't imagine having presents set out and then saying "you can't open them for several more hours though for no particular reason". Seems like a very odd way to do it.

That sounded ominous!

We managed to do this with no problems whatsoever, @Hollybelle83.

We'd done the same thing every year since they were born, so they were used to it, and perfectly happy with it. I can promise you - and @Dramatic and others - that no-one was miserable in our house on Christmas Day.

If opening everything first thing works for you - fine - but is it impossible to believe that doing things differently might work just as well for other families?

I’m really confused about all the posters saying ‘if you open all of your presents in the morning what do you do all day?’

Explore the presents - play with the toys you got, dress up in the clothes, read the books, build the Lego etc etc! Surely much more exciting and time consuming than opening presents?

We're all ND in this house so the "taking turns to open one present while everyone else watches" would be pure misery for at least half of us. We don't have a feral free-for-all either, though I don't judge people who do. We do stockings first thing, then DH passes out the presents so everyone has got something to open, he tries to maintain a leisurely flow for each person but there's no angst if DS1 gets sidetracked into a book and opens his more slowly, or whatever. At some point during the present opening we'll break for coffee, Buck's Fizz and croissants. As to "what do you do after lunch if you've already opened the presents"...really?! We play games, talk, drink, eat chocolate, explore our presents in greater depth, generally laze around enjoying each other's company.

We do stockings before the adults get up to keep early waking children entertained until a time that isn't 4am. Then we do Santa gifts which will include their most wanted gift. Then family come over and we have dinner etc then we do family gifts in the evening. If we are visiting elsewhere we have those gifts at the place we visit.

Gosh I’d hate to miss half of Christmas Day slaving away in the kitchen.

Have you considered that your 3 year old might be tired and grouchy after a big lunch and playing with their cousins all morning?! they won’t enjoy it the same as if you let them open their presents as soon as they wake on Christmas morning! And taking turns!! Nooo!!
Ripping off the paper sitting by the tree on the living room floor in your pjs is the way to do it.
Keep afternoon quiet present opening for the adults.

Mine were and are. Bursting with excitement to open their stockings first thing just like OP's child. And to have a fancy breakfast and play with their cousins and family. And then to open a few presents mid-morning ish which is a compromise on my side. Then still excited to play with them and have lunch etc then still excited to finish opening after lunch.

If I hadn't compromised on the some before lunch then I'm sure they'd be fine too.

Not opening everything before 8am doesn't mean no excitement. No more than waiting does.

I don’t think you way sounds miserable, in my family we always waited til after church and opened presents (other than stockings) late morning. I loved the way anticipation built when I was a child. My husband’s family are an ‘open all presents in pjs in the morning’ family and I found it odd and a bit flat the first couple of times, although I like it fine now.

I will say I’ve personally always hated the ‘everyone opens one gift at a time’ way of doing things. I hate being put on the spot with all eyes on me like that, and - much like waiting for your turn in scrabble - it’s tedious going in a circle watching everyone else perform the same rigmarole. It’s especially hard for children who have to exercise huge self restraint without the reward of seeing people open presents they’ve bought.

It definitely seems there’s room for compromise here - presents from you and DH in the morning then presents from other family one at a time in the afternoon? Or save presents for after lunch but let everyone open at the same time? There’s definitely scope to blend your traditions.

a bit sad that it was all over and done with
What a shame that your children are only interested in what they get and not in spending time together.

The kids have seen Christmas decorations for weeks, if not months.

The kids have wrote their letter to Santa - or glue bits of the Argos catalogue if they can't write at pre-school age.

They've been to Panto. They've met one of Santa's helper in a grotto - or even the real Santa if they've been lucky enough to go to Lapland.

Many will have put some reindeer food and a glass of something for Santa.

The whole shebang has been going for weeks! (Far too long if you ask me..)

Some families even leave the presents under the tree in advance.

But yes, let's delay opening the presents even more on Christmas day, just to show how "middle class" we are, and how delicately we can unwrap any tastefully curated gift we have, as opposed to the feral rest of the world ripping through theirs 😂

This is how my family did it growing up but it didn’t work for my first (6f) - it was too much waiting and then overwhelming. We now have more shorter periods of opening then a break. My mum and sister don’t know how to do gifts by half…

Aren’t you at table all afternoon enjoying dinner and conversation? And then playing board games? No gawping here.
Plus dinner cooking happens after present opening. How long do you boil your veggies for?

How does a roast dinner at 2 keep you in the kitchen all morning? Baffled.

Yes, it isn’t in any way ‘over and done with’ — is that why you postpone your children opening their presents, those of you who do? You see it as the end of Christmas?