AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Why would you want to extend the excitement?

Do you not find dealing with permanently excited children all day utterly exhausting?

The best part of Christmas, imo, was the quiet time when the DCs were all playing with their stuff or reading their new books. Dinner (we eat in the evening) was always pleasant as they've got over the giddiness of the morning. (My DCs are all adults now).

Yes! I only endured it in a big group once, as an adult, & it was appalling. Presents are either personal things which are nobody else's business, or generic things - & who wants to watch someone opening a gift set of smellies?And what happens when, as happened that time, one person gets lots of personal, expensive things & everyone else gets a few cheap gifts?

I agree, my family did this and by tea time I was so excited, it was great! 🎄

Yeah I agree with this. I also agree with the DH it’s miserable to not open presents in the morning 😀

Why do you think it’s a frenzy with no gratitude because it’s done before lunch rather than after? I don’t get what people are thinking here.

See that's what I mean - we spent Christmas together. My mum and I love hosting but don't have a big family, so making the lunch feel like an occasion was loads of fun, and I remember it better than any toys I got. I made menus to go at our place settings, namecards, carefully selected random Christmas tat to go on the table as decoration and helped with cooking. I probably was a strange child and maybe OP and I are both miserable, but a lot of Mumsnet Christmas posts are about women who do take on a lot of stress cooking a meal on their own for lots of people. I'm wondering if they're the same ones whose kids grow up getting their toys first thing and then playing with them all day.

The obvious compromise is to do the first thing, but no big presents. Have breakfast and then the presents under the tree before Xmas dinner, with cousins there or not.

Yes. But delivered by Santa. He ‘brings’ them. That’s the magic. No presents in the house, then lots of presents, magically.

You work on our Christmas timetable 👍

Utterly miserable and bizarre! What if the kids ask for a bike or skateboard from Santa, that’s not going to fit in a stocking.

Plus I can literally imagine nothing worse than trying to pacify an over excited 4 yr old for the whole day who can see the presents under the tree but isn’t allowed to open them! Absolute misery for everyone involved.

Lots of families only do stockings from santa, with big ticket items from real people.

Bikes can often be hidden in a garage or behind a sofa.

(We don't wait all day, but we do spread out as otherwise DC would have got overwhelmed.)

LOL are you my MIL, @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius? After too many sherrys, she spent the whole of the morning the first Christmas we hosted telling me it was time to put the sprouts on 😂 About 45 minutes before the turkey was cooked, I went into the kitchen to find a pan (a brand new, very expensive pan and never used before) of mushy sprouts boiled dry and burning 😡 She had snuck off and put them on to boil. The pan is still discoloured 25 years later.

My parents did it your way and we loathed it as children.

Stockings, fancy breakfast, get dressed, then crack open the main presents is so much more enjoyable for children.

I would have hated doing it your way, I actually had mentioned this way to my husband today (before seeing your thread!) and he had always done it the same as me - all presents opened in the morning, and he couldn't comprehend that even being a thing 😂 he was a bit dramatic about it, but still - I agree with your husbands way!

Why are the veg going on at morning present opening time? Turkey maybe - but it doesn’t need supervision! All the presents and there’s still plenty of time to prep and cook veg, even if you have lunch at midday. I don’t understand what’s happening in this scenario.

We do it similarly to you. But that's because it mimics what we both had ourselves as kids. If we had wildly different ways of wanting to do it then we would find a compromise. We have really enjoyed over the years taking our childhood traditions and making them our own as a family.

That’s how I always did it and how I did it with my child, I open some gifts days later as I’m happy with just one thing at a time if I open something that’s going to occupy me. But my son as an adult now opens everything he gets first thing.

but you and your DH need to compromise as you are a team so why not do stocking and half the gifts then the rest after lunch?

Whoa Nelly!

Have all the married-in spouses been perfectly happy to fall into line since Victorian times?

What's with the 'ripping open' presents?

And 'lunch'?

Bonus points for 'middle class delayed gratification'. You win Mumsnet today.

In my family, we opened presents from family and friends on Christmas Eve after arriving home from Mass and a festive dinner, a nod to exH's (American German and Dutch) family tradition. The wrapped presents were all placed under the tree as they arrived in the post, and if the DCs peeked, they certainly did a good job of hiding their tracks. I kept note of who sent what present so the DCs could write a thank you note.

Santa (never Father Christmas as I'm not English and neither is exH) brought unwrapped presents overnight (this from my own Irish family of origin) and they were all deposited under the tree, with little hand made stockings with each DC's name by each pile. The stockings were only big enough to contain a handful of small chocolates. No stockings of toys in the bedroom...

We had a big full Irish breakfast plus cinnamon rolls breakfast/ brunch around 10am and everyone grazed for the rest of the day if they felt hungry between brunch and dinner, which was at 7ish, normal dinner time for us. We still do things this way, except now the DCs are all adults we do a sibling gift exchange on Christmas Eve after Mass and a festive dinner. Santa still arrives overnight.

Unbelievably, we all enjoy this and have survived multiple Christmases doing our own unEnglish thing.

We always did stockings first thing (no big present, just little bits), then everyone got dressed and had a leisurely breakfast, then main presents (one by one) under the tree after breakfast. I definitely wouldn't want to do presents after dinner!

But if you open the presents after lunch, what do you do in the morning?

That assumes that the only fun on Christmas Day comes from opening presents! Doesn't sound very mc to me . After lunch you go for a bracing dog walk and then play board games and parlour games, obvs.

I didn't say it was just about opening presents. I said that my children found that the most exciting part of the day (as I'd imagine most do) and enjoyed spreading it out. There isn't anything superior about either choice, simply whether you prefer your gratification instant or deferred.

It puts a lot of pressure on a child to be enthusiastic about a present in front of everyone if it’s a gift they already have or don’t particularly like.

God yeah, heaven forbid children are actually taught some manners and to smile and say thank you when someone gives them a gift even if it’s not exactly what they wanted. Do people really prefer to open presents in private so little Jonny can whinge freely about the crap board game Granny’s given him 😂

I’m surprised some of the PP haven’t combusted at the cruel and guilt tripping suggestion of thank you letters.

Ypu said it was the main excitement. I’m saying it’s part of the excitement. Plus it’s exciting because there’s lots of presents to open all at once, so spreading it out dilutes it.

Seriously how on earth did you manage to keep young children and grannies awake long enough to exchange presents after mass?! So basically at 1am? How does that even work in reality…