AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

I don't understand - so are your presents to your child all given first thing in the morning, in the stocking?

In my family we had stockings in bed, Father Christmas's main presents downstairs while they had breakfast, then in the afternoon they'd have presents from family.

It depends what's in the stockings - ours were only little things and wouldn't include something like Lego or books or anything like that which would keep them occupied all morning.

If, say, your child had something like a doll's house, would she get that late afternoon as well?

I've never heard of that method!

I stay up til the kids are in bed before doing Santa, always have and probably always will. My reward is a glass of sherry.

There's nothing more funny and enjoyable than the sound of little people "tiptoeing" down the stairs at the crack of silly o'clock on Christmas morning, all shhhushhhing each other, followed by muffled squeaks of excitement and the crinkle of chocolate being unwrapped, then the tiptoeing again an hour later as they return to their beds. Sometimes they didn't make it - I woke around 7 one Christmas morning to find the three youngest DCs fast asleep on the sitting room floor with smears of chocolate on their wee little chins and the dolls' house Santa had brought already occupied and furnished.

We always eat dinner in the evening, so there's no need to rush around like a scalded earwig getting a massive meal ready for 1 o'clock with excited children underfoot. Doing the presents first thing and dinner at a normal dinner time is the best of both worlds, really. Plus everyone is genuinely hungry by the time evening rolls around. I honestly don't know how anyone could eat a full meal in the middle of the day.

I'm the cook, table setter, dishwasher loader and unloader, and organiser of all things Christmas, including a festive meal on Christmas Eve. I get to properly relax on the 26th, but in truth, Christmas is never a mad rush.

Well the great thing about it is that there's no law to dictate how it's done. So you can enjoy it your way and my family ours, and unless by some bizarre coincidence your child marries mine and they end up like OP and her DH, everyone is happy.

No grannies - one lived three states away, and one half a continent and one ocean away.

Christmas Eve Mass for children was at 5:30, including children's choir and altar serving, which my DCs did, starting at age 8, but we always went to that Mass even before they began to take part, with toddlers and babies in tow, because it was much easier than breaking up the day for Mass on Christmas morning. The evening Mass was always heaving (as was the later Midnight Mass, which two of my DCs served at when they were older).

We'd be home and eating by 7, with present opening afterwards. All DCs in bed and out like lamps by 8:45 - 9:15 which was their usual bedtime until they were 12 or so. All thank you notes in the post by the 27th.

I think the early British bedtime turns into a rod for parents' backs at times like Christmas. You have to jam in everything before they're cranky or collapsing from exhaustion at bedtime.

I think you've been given a hard time on here, OP. We opened everything first thing as kids, and I did love that obviously, but with my two we have tried to space it out over the day a bit. No complaints from anyone so far and I think it allows them to really enjoy the gifts rather than open and toss to the side in favour of opening another.

Oh dear! Different things work for different people, it’s a shame you had a bad experience.

Here in England it is midnight mass, and it’s at midnight. A service earlier in the day is called a christingles service, usually by candle light - mid to late afternoon.

An early bed time is extremely beneficial to the health of a child. They are well rested and most parents feel sleep is a priority yes. Hence the best of celebrations should be organised in the morning and lunch time so all members, including the youngest can enjoy it. It has worked extremely well for us.

We have a traditional English Christmas which is pretty wonderful!

I was in the choir as a child and struggled with late nights. Most children endure them if they have active lives outside.

I'm with DH on this. Sounds designed to upset the kids.

I think it depends on your child. I used to try and pace it when mine were little but my son found this hard and wouldn't play with what was opened knowing there was more presents under the tree. I have found he copes better by opening all presents so he knows what he has got and can then relax (I think the unknown makes him anxious in a way). His sister on the other hand would have probably managed gifts throughout the day as she will open things and look at them a bit more.

@ThisCosyAquaHiker - we have had over 20 Christmases with three children - and I can promise you that none of our boys were upset by this way of doing things - not one of them, not once.

I’m not saying the way we did it is the only right way, and every other way is wrong, but I am saying that it is daft to claim that the way we did Christmases is bound to upset children!

YABU. Your plan is miserable - teamDH all the way!

My family always did stockings individually at whatever time the children woke up - on condition that you didn't wake anyone else up.. I LOVED 3am choc orange.

Christmas presents were a free-for-all when everyone was up and ready.. Having to wait until 9am for Grandma to get up was a nightmare.

The in-laws do a weird thing where BIL dishes out presents one by one and you have to wait to be given a present and I think that's miserable 😂 I cannot imagine having to wait until the afternoon 😭

Our worst Christmas ever was when a young DS ripped open every single present by 8.30am.

We now do stockings first thing (whilst DH and I have a hot drink and some brioche). Stocking usually contains at least three or four things to keep DS occupied. Once all opened we send DS down for breakfast and watch tv/play with whatever is in his stocking while DH and I clear up and get dressed. We then watch a bit of telly with a bit of lunch prep thrown in. If we don't go to church we will gather round the tree and start opening presents. If we do, then presents are opened when we get home.

After presents we finish lunch (we do not have "traditional" lunch so much easier to cook) and once lunch is done, we usually ensconce ourselves on the sofa and slowly enter a chocolate coma.

This way is much more civilised and manageable for us but it is only the three of us for Xmas day.

DS loves it and we jokingly go slow / build up the anticipation because he has already had a few presents to open first thing.
I also enjoy the stockings more than main presents because this is the part of the day hubby excels in and he always finds me a small, very special present that means the world to me

You'd all hate Christmas at my house. Only stockings in the morning, no tree presents opened until after lunch AND a walk.

No — only stocking presents are from Father Christmas. Only those are opened in morning. Christmas tree presents are family presents.

For us, it was

Stocking presents first thing, in bed
Downstairs to open the main presents from immediate family
Relatives arrive mid/late morning, open the rest
Dinner
Then the afternoon was playing games, playing with the new toys, etc.

The "delayed gratification" method does, to me, sound like strictly-controlled fun and a way of instilling discipline, patience and restraint. It does all sound very Victorian to me.

I'm with you @Brandysauce . That is the way we have always done it as well and my adult children do it with their children too. We open presents in order as well - it means that everyone pays attention when the presents are opened, the givee gets proper thanks at the time, and somebody (usually the mum) has a chance to note down who gave what to whom, so that if they're not there they get thanked properly. It used to be thank you letters, it's now a text or call.

Your way of doing was the same for me. I had to persuade DH to try it when we had DC and although reluctant at first he now fully embraces it. The lovely feeling when you get up from the table and still have presents to open is great! The DC say they love stringing it out too, they say it feels like they get more. It also means we can go for a walk in the morning then after dark you're all snuggly with candles and the fire lit, opening your gifts together.

This. We tend to have Christmas dinner at around 4.30/5 anyway so would be a loooooong wait; the whole day would be over!

We tend to do stockings first, then we do have a small break for breakfast, then main presents immediately afterwards.

They’re not really rules though, are they? It’s just a rough itinerary for the day. Father Christmas presents first thing, lunch with family, presents with family. There’s no hour-by-hour plan.

It’s more the underlying attitude. The ‘restrain yourselves’.

Yup!

If some kids enjoy it, great, but it'd have been torture for me and I wouldn't have been able to enjoy lunch - I'd be dying for it to be over so I could open my presents. No doubt it'd have caused arguments!

Fair enough, I can only speak to my and my siblings’ and cousins’ experience of enjoying the anticipation. Hence, I want to continue the tradition.

But I don't understand what exactly Father Christmas brings - is it just the stocking? What about if you've bought your child a bigger present - eg a bike - when would they get that?