AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

When my DC were younger we did all the presents in the morning apart from one present each which we kept back and gave them after lunch.

@Brandysauce and others who do it this way when there's more than one family group getting together - I still want to know how it works when all the family 'convene' - do the ones not hosting have to pack all their gifts in the car to be opened at host's house, then round them all up and take them home again. Do the cousins run down excitedly in the morning to see their presents or are they already loaded up in the car/ dropped off at the host's house in advance?

Seems sad for the cousins that they don't get any 'tree presents' as it's not their tree. Are you sure that they won't have opened some of the better stuff at home, and then have to watch your DC open everything?

What about if it's a big present like a bike, scooter, trampoline?

Mine too! The stocking and one big gift labelled "Love Santa". They roll their eyes, laugh and say "Thanks Santa! 😂

Hold on, Santa still brings ME presents!

Doesn't everyone get presents from Santa? 😂

Your DH is right, your way is completely miserable. When I was a kid we used to meet up on Christmas Day with a neighbouring family, and their kids weren’t allowed to open their presents until after the Queen’s speech! They hated it, and were jealous of us who’d been playing with our new toys all day.

And if this is causing arguments and you think you have to out your foot down, I fear for the future of your marriage frankly. You’re being ridiculous, stop it.

The only reason people did presents later in the day was because the victorians all went to church all morning!

my personal preference would be to do stockings in the morning, then get all washed and dressed, get all the Christmas meal prep sorted whilst everyone else is out for a walk, a light lunch then presents galore after which Christmas dinner, tv for everyone who isn’t clearing up and then everybody buggers off. This is how it was done when I was a child.

This is NOT what works for my family though so we don’t do it. DS has profound special needs so doesn’t want to just sit around doing his stocking at home. DH takes him out for a walk early and we ask Santa to leave his stocking to grandma’s house so he can enjoy it when he’s a bit more regulated. Once he’s in the present opening mood he would be upset to have to stop so we open all of them in one go, then have lunch and then time to play with all the toys and go for walks.

This will be the first year we've somewhere else only during the day. Always been at home or with family further away so already there by 23rd usually.

Yes we will probably pack up presents from under our tree (where they already are) and take them to PIL's house and bring back later.

Yep.

Kids LOVE the excitement of opening presents first thing. I did! Then playing with them through out the day.

It's very authoritarian style to be like "you need to look at these beautifully wrapped gifts for 7 hours, sit nice at lunch, and kiss smelly Granny before you can get them - oh and LINGER over each one as we all take our tiiiiiimmmmmeeee opening one at a tiiiimmmeeee" URGH!!!!!

Let your kid rip into the present pile with joy and delight fgs.

It actually seems cruel to make them wait that long.

It perhaps made sense in the past when there were very few presents and they needed to be savoured but today when they'll have a stack of landfill to open it's just spiteful.

If you want a compromise how about opening pressies in the morning for the first 15 years and then when they're 15-30 they can wait until after Xmas Dinner when it's nearly dark at the fag end of the afternoon. (Here's your new bike, it's dark in 45 minutes so too late now but you can try it tomorrow.)

(I confess my DP and I had a massive row over this issue in our first year, I'm so glad I won. And i can tell you 13 years down the line they'd think we were mad if we proposed such a stupid edict.)

If you rip open the presents first thing what do you do after lunch?

Um can't believe I actually have to answer this but for kids:

Play with them, enjoy them, show them round, get others involved in building/helping/enjoyjng, eat chocs, chat about them?

You could even reverse it - if you DON'T open the presents in the morning, what do you do? 😂Take a bath?

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour - we used to do stockings in the morning, and the rest of the presents after lunch - I used to put a good variety of things in the stockings - toys, books, sweets etc (when the boys were younger), so they had plenty of new things to play with until the afternoon.

I can assure you there was no cruelty or suffering involved, and as adults, they look back fondly on their Christmases as kids.

In general, I think each family does what suits them best - but why do people need to resort to over-emotive language to criticise other families’ choices?

I absolutely dislike the huge opening presents one by in front of extended family. It puts a lot of pressure on a child to be enthusiastic about a present in front of everyone if it’s a gift they already have or don’t particularly like. Everyone sitting around the room, waiting to see a child or adult’s reaction, a parent trying to cajole a child into being more enthusiastic with a gift if a child doesn’t seem interested in it. A child looking longingly at another child’s gift which they prefer to the one they just opened. A toddler being more interested in the wrapping paper, much to the disgust of the gift giver.

The way we worked it is that Santa gifts and our gifts to our kids were opened first thing, usually Santa gifts first and then our gifts to our kids during the morning. Gifts from relatives who wouldn’t be there to give in person on the day would be opened later that day or on the 26th. Gifts given directly by the person on the day, were opened then.

My mum did something similar, and now I'm a mum I totally understand. Because who stays up till the kids are in bed to drop in the presents? And then gets up at the crack of dawn with the children? Who prepares all the food, preps the turkey, sets the table? And even if the kids are old enough to pitch in you can't exactly put on the veg and then not watch it for 45 mins can you?.... So you're in and out of the kitchen like a yo yo. Missing all the presents, all the fun, the joy.....

So it's not too much to ask that the kids wait until Mummy and daddy are both present and not hoping that nothing is burning
You're both part of the family and not the kitchen help. So no. Not being unreasonable.

Mil and fil did this.

It was so boring. The smile fatigue when all eyes are on you.

I don’t really celebrate Christmas but after just one experience of this it really put me off from celebrating it at all.

We do a combination of what you and DH are suggesting. Stockings first thing in parents room. Then downstairs and open 'main' presents from parents. Grandparents and any extended family arrive late morning, Christmas dinner, then presents from wider family in the afternoon. That way it spaces it out nicely throughout the day, but they still get their main presents in the morning so can play with them.

This seems like the appropriate thread for this - enjoy @Brandysauce ;-)

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd7CJqMj__/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Wake up and bring stocking into you, all excitement and tip toe downstairs to see if he ate his plate and left more presents

Open presents then dad makes a huge plate of cheese on toast and a pot of tea

Guests arrive and present are exchanged - adults sit to eat, kids eat a yorkshire pudding and pig in blanket, then run riot while adults enjoy the remainder of their meal, then kids eat body weight in chocolate and sweets, running round until daft o'clock in the morning, mum 2 finish off that 2nd bottle of wine and aunt Linda finishes off the baileys - time for Gavin & Stacey - perfect

We do a bit of a halfway house between your and your DHs way! We do stockings first thing in our bed (like you) and then come down and open main presents and maybe one or two complementary gifts (e.g for my little boy this year he will open his castle as a main gift, and then a play mat that goes with it and some figures). We then do a bit of a clear up and a good play with the toys that have been opened, finding places for the toys that aren’t currently getting played with etc while we make breakfast. Have breakfast and then maybe a couple more presents. Last year we ended up doing a couple of presents a day over the festive period so as not to overwhelm him and make sure everything got appreciated/played with. It felt like a good balance but my little one is still young so chaos may yet descend 🤣

This is basically what we do too, it feels like a good halfway house!

Personally my ideal Christmas celebrations is get up at some unearthly hour, get dressed, drive to an airport and get on a plane to somewhere hot

We have all agreed the best Christmas’s we have had as a family have been spent 30,000ft in the air

What time are you eating that the veg needs to go on before 9am?

surely even if you’re doing a massive turkey you shove that in first thing, but nothing else really needs starting til a couple of hours before lunch. So plenty of time unless you’re serving a full roast on the dot of 12.

We don’t even start prepping dinner until about 3pm, so makes far more sense to open presents in the morning!

We do stockings first thing, then breakfast and walk in the park, then presents before lunch. I don't think it is fair on anyone to make a kid wait until after a long lunch to do presents, and it puts pressure on the adults to rush through what should be a leisurely meal as the kids won't stop going on about the unopened presents.

I'm with your DH on this one.

Some of the language on this thread is nauseating 🤢 tip toeing downstairs and weight of the stockings on beds, Victorian ancestors. It's really MN at its peak. The absolute disbelief that anyone else's life is different from your own is such a MN phenomenon, I've never seen it on any other forum.

We're all adults on here you don't need to be so bloody twee.