AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

As kids we had Santa presents in the morning - left at the bottom of our beds, they would be the pressies we had asked for from Santa - how our parents got the bikes in the rooms without any of us waking Ill never know :)

The presents under the tree were from friends, family and neighbours and were opened after dinner. They would be the small presents, a jumper, a book, the sensible stuff that people took time to pick and choose and were the ones we had to be careful with the labels so we knew who to write thankyou letters too. The adults would open their gifts then as well

Since there have been no children at Christmas , we leave presents till after dinner . The rare occasion we do have grandchildren here for Christmas we do however their parents want, usually their pressies in the mornings but we still open ours after dinner.

I think Christmas traditions evolve and change over time. We have evolved into a quiet day, which is based around the meal. When the kids were young it was all about them, having time to spend with them in the morning setting up toys and giving them space to play. Not being precious over the dinner, getting it early enough so time to get out of the house in the afternoon for a walk or ride their new bikes, roller skates, skateboards , push their dolls prams - whatever - and the evening buffet was more important cos thats when family would turn up

If family are here then we revert back to those days, when its just us oldies, its a very late dinner that I spend time on, and we drag out over a couple of hours and its all very "nice" . Champagne before, good wine with main, coffee and baileys and posh chocolates Pressies, Port and stilton later in the evening, feet up in front of the fire

I think your unreasonable to try and dictate the full day however staggering out the presents for a 3 year old is not a bad idea as tbh they get completely overwhelmed and it's a lot for them both in excitement, sugar and how long a day it is.

We found the best compromise was to let them do stockings in the morning then when everyone is up, dressed and thongs have been done a few gifts etc and spread it out and some for a few days. We found they would just go to the next thing without wanting to play because its all exciting. DS1 gets annoyed that DS2 opens his presents very slowly for instance (5 & 2)

Trying to get a 3 year old to sit at a table for more then 30 minutes is a mission in itself so I wouldn't be putting undue pressure on yourself! Play it by ear and see how your child is coping.

This. My words might say wow what a surprise how wonderful but my face does subtitles

I understand your way is a nice way to teach kids to appreciate each gift, but it also is the more restrictive version time wise, when (especially with little children and then gjestsnof you have any) it's already a busy day.

Opening stockings in bed slowly, lingering over the gifts, might be a good compromise, then main gifts after. Then the children have their toys to play with through the day, and they will have them a long time after, naturally they'll all be played with in time without having to dole them out slowly. A strictest regimen is also a pain if anything pops up on the day unexpected, kids hyper focus on time when there's a reward at stake so any deviation might be tricky 😅

Another thing to add is if you feel strongly this is the tradition and do it for a long time, I have alot of friends whose family do this who then brought in partners who found it quite an endurance task. Not everyone enjoys opening gifts in front of others with all the focus on them. It also makes gifts the focus of the day more in a way, getting the big bang of presents opened in the morning then leaves time for play, grown ups and kids included :)

I also grew up with stocking presents in the morning and tree presents after lunch. It wasn’t a hardship as the stocking gifts entertained us. We also had to help with lunch preparation and set the table, get dressed up etc. walk the dogs and take gifts to neighbours. The morning flew by. It isn’t what we chose to do with our children though. We like to go for a walk in the afternoon so have lunch earlier. Stockings first thing and presents after everyone is dressed, dogs have been walked and while lunch is in the oven. We still took turns with opening presents and everyone seemed happy enough with this.

Completely agree with you - this is how we did it growing up and as 1 of 5 kids, Christmas was so magical and exciting and the anticipation of opening the presents after lunch would make the whole day amazing, not just the morning. After lunch, we would open one present at a time, and would get to hand the presents we bought to our parent/sibling/cousin/aunt from under the tree and watch them open it. Loved it. I feel like this way of doing things also teaches kids that Christmas day isn't just about them and what they get from others, but emphasises spending time together and giving to others.

Personally, I think allowing kids to rip open all their presents right away and telling them that the presents under the tree are from Santa can make them really ungrateful and unappreciative of the time and effort spent by parents and family to buy them gifts they like. The kids then pretty much ignore everyone else on Christmas day to play with those gifts - to me it's really materialistic and doesn't teach kids the joy of giving and spending time together as a family. It also makes Christmas less magical as you grow up and presents become a new phone/ vouchers (when I was a teenager my friends would be bored texting me by lunchtime on Christmas day whereas I would still excitedly be anticipating the best bit of giving and receiving presents after lunch)! The magic of Christmas for me as a child was and remains spending time together as a family laughing, singing, being silly.

I wanted to continue the tradition but in the end came to the following compromise with my husband:

Morning: Stocking from Santa with a couple of small toys they can play with during the morning, and they get to open ONE big present from under the tree .

Afternoon: Lunch and then everyone gets to open presents together and thank the gift giver (whether in person or video calling them afterwards).

Evening: Silly games, karaoke, dancing and fun. Movies/TV are for boxing day.

So are all the main present for cousins and attending family under your tree? Or do they bring them along to open them with you? Or just watch your kids open theirs? I guess it depends a bit on how many presents there are for everyone. When I was a child we did our presents in the morning at home before setting off to family and then there were presents form extended family that got exchanged after the meal.

This was more or less what we did too.

You're getting a hard time about the phrase 'putting your foot down', but I think it's fairly obvious that it's just a turn of phrase. People are just looking for ways to put the boot in.
When I was a kid it was a present frenzy first thing in the morning. Exciting, yes, but I also remember the flat anticlimactic feeling once they were all done (by about 6.30am )
I think stocking first and presents later is a nice way to do it. My DP's family when he was a kid did presents after lunch and he's not permanently scarred by it.

Nooo, Santa still brings presents to my dc. They’re 24 and 22!

If you read the OP properly, this is exactly what she wants!

That's literally what they already do

Put your foot down? Why do you get to pull rank 😂

I love the idea that eeking the presents out all day long is some kind of virtue. A Christmas that is more sophisticated and less focussed on the consumerist element when what you are doing is taking the gift swapping activity and extending it out across the entire day.

Meanwhile, those children who open their toys on the morning can spend the day actually playing with them and they aren't rushing through dinner waiting to open the next one.

Christmas is MY Christmas too! My kids help, but setting up the table must take all of 5mn. I sure do not spend hours in the kitchen either, it's a nice meal, probably far too expensive, but one that takes as little prep as possible.

If someone LOVES to cook and is delighted to show off their talent by serving an amazing meal, by all means, sounds fantastic. That's not me, and no way is anyone being a martyr stuck in the kitchen on Christmas day.

Why is it more of an occasion after lunch as opposed to in the morning?

Actually I think your way is lovely. My DH always had Xmas like this and we are now doing it for our dc. Didn't take any persuasion on my part!

Same as you OP.

Stockings opened first thing in the morning then presents after lunch, each opened one by one going round in a circle... takes HOURS but I love it and always have since I was a child.

However, it's not for everyone and if it's not how your DH wants to do it then you need to find a compromise as you're not the only one whose thoughts matter.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with teaching children patience, even at Christmas but everyone can do their Christmas Days however they like - different strokes for different folks!

Open presents from Santa as soon as wake up!

if the only activity is to watch TV, I can understand why present opening is being delayed.

I bet so many posters will be on Mumsnet on Christmas Day, waiting for "present opening" or to show off their superior skills!

I think you need to compromise.

We have done similar to your way with our DC. Stockings open with us first thing, then we do presents under the tree probably mid-morning or when grandparents arrive. Not as late as after lunch, which, depending on what time you eat, would be a very long time for a 3 year old to wait. But we also sometimes do one or two presents before or after breakfast and the rest later on, which works well. I'm not keen on them ripping into all their presents at once and all the excitement being over by about 7am...

Growing up we always opened presents from Father Christmas/mum and dad in the morning and then did the whole big Christmas family thing later in the day and then I had presents from aunts, uncles, grandparents etc to open. How about you compromise and do that?

I think your way will work when they are a bit older say 12 or so. 3 year olds aren't going to be the best at Christmas dinner anyway let alone with a pile of presents waiting, but I don't think it's miserable.
As for the putting your foot down comment personally I think the one who does the lions share of the work should get to decide how christmas is done. If that's you then have at it.

What I don't understand are all these rules.

Don't you just...see how it goes? Some little ones might open 1 present and decide to play with that toy for ages ,then surely you let them. You open presents later.
Others, adults included, are really keen to see everything and can barely wait for someone to be out of the shower or having a coffee.

Don't you just.. adapt and just manage everybody to keep it festive?