AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

We always open presents after lunch. It's something to look forward to. And it makes it more of an occasion. After present opening we clear the rubbish away and settle down to the TV.

No way would my four year old do that but maybe your three year old is different. You need to both compromise, maybe stocking and a few presents first thing then a few more after lunch?

We've always gone for family presents in the morning. If nothing else they'll be a mismatch of presents per person, so people loose interest and start drifting off which looses the family-focused feel to the event.

Then can open presents from visiting family after lunch.

Basically you have to compromise - there is no right or wrong way, as you can see from the spread of opinion. However I would suggest that putting your foot down / choosing this as your hill to die on isn't exactly following the spirit of Christmas.

We thought we were hard done by when we had to wait until 10 when our DM got back from church!

A bit of compromise with your DH required here. It’s not all about you. How will you enjoy Christmas dinner with your child miserable and impatient for the best part of the day?

Could you compromise and open Santa presents in the morning then gifts from family after lunch when you're all together?

We always open presents first thing. I do know one family who open presents after church but they are also scrupulous about giving hardly any presents and it seems a bit grim to me.

we would wake up very early to the weight of a filled stocking on our beds, open them, play with the toys, scoff the chocolate. Then downstairs for breakfast followed by opening the presents under the tree. Then lunch at around 1pm. A walk (and a ride on your new bike if you were lucky enough to get one!) then home for a film on TV . Tea was sandwiches, Chrsitmas cake and mince pies all scoffed while watching telly or playing with our new toys. This has been my routine throughout my life, obviously with some changes and flexibility. I would never expect children or indeed adults to wait all day for their presents.

Sounds very similar to mine, I cannot imagine trying to get lunch ready while the kids were all understandably hyped up wanting and waiting to open their gits. It was so much easier to sort out the food while they were playing with their new things

People keep saying this 'something to look forward to' as opposed too?

We do presents in the morning, playing with their toys while we cook, then dinner with family games after at the table, then onto Santa sack and then stockings before bed... not opening your presents until later doesn't magically make your day more packed than ours. Theirs not a spare moment in our day so we don't need 'wait' to 'look forward' because its constant.

They have their new toys to work through all day so there is not one moment they don't have something new to explore.

What DO yous do all day until dinner though? what entertains the kids for the hours while adults are cooking, cleaning, setting up the table and doing the boring stuff.

Do you all go round the dinner table and take it in turns to eat a sprout whilst everyone stares as a way of eating your Christmas dinner too? 😆

Your way does seem like a good way of making sure nobody goes overboard on relaxing or enjoying themselves, which is really what family gatherings should be all about.

It's all a bit rigid isn't it?

Things don't have to be the same year in, year out. It doesn't harm children to have to wait and it doesn't matter what time the presents are opened.

Over the years we've:
Opened presents first thing in the morning,
Opened one present first thing and then waited for Grandma to arrive later in the morning before opening everything else.
Not opened anything or had the main meal until the evening because a parent/sibling was working.

And of course we've all snuck down at 3am to look at the presents without the parents noticing ;)

Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal. Everything doesn't need to be perfect, it doesn't matter if the turkey is dry and if you forgot the stuffing.

But just make sure if a present needs batteries, either put them in before you wrap it or sellotape them to the box ;)

I was talking about things like the food, the movies, the games...

I'm with your husband. It's shit to have to wait to open your main presents. Never understood it. It's not how we do it in our house. On a practical note, I want to get all the debris out of the way and run the hoover round before we get on with our Christmas Day. Also "put your foot down". It's not a dictatorship...is it?

We take turns, well kind of as the child has more presents than husband and I obviously! Grandads present will be opened when he gets here so he gets the pleasure of seeing her open it. We do it in the morning though. When I was a child the presents from Father Christmas got left in my bedroom unwrapped I assume so I didn’t disturb my parents. That was a bit lonely .

My DH's family used to do it your way. I think it evolved as a tradition in their house because his parents were shift workers (a nurse and a policeman). I must say that I found it a little frustrating, and can imagine that as a child I would have found it maddening! My family did it your DH's way, which I much preferred.

As a family ourselves for many years now, and with three adult daughters, we took to doing it your DH's way (and my way). All presents go under the tree and all given out and opened in one go first thing in the morning. Usually will a glass of bucks fizz to keep us going.

When the girls were small they did have Santa sacks in their rooms, but once they were teenagers it moved to all under the tree.

My DH has admitted that he likes it better this way although he does look back quite fondly on his childhood Christmases too of course.

I would say calling your way miserable is putting it too strongly, but it is unusual and has the potential to cause frustration. No need to put your foot down though. .

You sound like a joyless old grump. You’ll only get about another 5 Christmas’ with Santa. Relax and enjoy it. Leave the formalities and extended family until Boxing Day.

Growing up as a child my Christmas was your husbands way. Since having my own children however we adopted your way (was also my husbands way, growing up in a pub and waiting for the customers to leave first).
I have to say, my children, now teens, much prefer your way.
Our Christmas goes:
Wake up & have stocking and one bigger present from "Santa"
Breakfast & get dressed
My parents come round mid morning and their gifts are swopped & opened.
Up to the local pub for festivities and drinks
Back to ours with the in laws for Christmas dinner
Late afternoon/early evening all gather around the tree to open everything else.

It keeps the excitement going all day instead of all being done in 10 minutes in the morning. Ive asked if they'd like to do it another way and everytime is "Noooooooo, its tradition!"
I'm with you OP!

We do all presents from us and Santa in the morning and presents from the rest of the family after lunch. Now that my kids are older one of them likes to save some of their morning presents for the after lunch opening. Maybe you could compromise and save a select few for after lunch?

We did it like this as children. And it's how our children, who now bring grandchildren to us, will remember it. (We used to go for a Good Walk after the presents, told to work up an appetite for tea. Now we send out families with littlies to the playground to give us some peace and quiet before tea.)

Your way is how we did it as children OP and we loved it - but my parents were extremely generous and thoughtful for our stockings so it was enough to last through the day, and there was huge excitement about the wait to open all gifts together after lunch. The older I grew the more I appreciated that it was so nice for the cooks not to be stuck in the kitchen whilst present opening went on, and it was great to have a long relaxed spell as a family after lunch knowing there was no cooking or washing up to come back to. I semi try to instigate this pattern our DC but usually relent and let them open one longed for gift in the morning otherwise it really is too long to wait.
Everyone else saying it’s a compromise is right, however - perhaps you can settle on a 50:50 before and after lunch?

We've always done stockings in parents bedroom in the morning, then go down and do the presents. Your way seems very formal and stuffy. I'm with your DH

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas

This got my YABU vote

I wouldn't like your way. Stockings in bed, absolutely.
Presents were with immediate family and after breakfast.
It would depend on who's coming around, if its a crowd of adults who mostly exchange one gift its a bit tedious for them all to sit around watching the one kid who has a gazillion presents tear into them like they are the main entertainment of the day.
I would do presents from you (and you ajd dh exchange gifts) in your little family bubble after breakfast, then later in the day exchange gifts with whoever is coming around. So they don't open granny's gift until she is there and gives it to them. They don't all have to Benin the same pile, and having it given by the giver might help with the gratitude,, recognising who has brought the present.

We’ve always done stockings first thing in bed; followed by breakfast/dress&shower; once everyone assembled (usually by 1030ish as MiL takes forever) everyone opens gifts. DH has usually put the dinner on in between presents, FiL and I have hit the bubbly, kids still ploughing through gifts long after the adults have bagged theirs up and tidied away; xmas dinner is eaten 2ish once the mess has been cleaned up and kids (now teens) have run off with their booty and starting unpacking/playing with them.

Afternoon is a MiL-friendly family film, during which MiL and FiL fall asleep anyway…

Also I loathe opening presents in front of people so YABU for that too 😅.
Can't stand the pressure, my face doesn't do please suprise without a lot of effort, it's hard to maintain all afternoon 😆