AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Play with the new toys after lunch, watch christmas movies

But across all of my family it's only stockings that are from FC anyway. So when cousins have got more it's from their parents and no pretence of anything else. PPs seemed to mostly be talking about family presents too, not stockings.

If you rip open the presents first thing what do you do after lunch?

But if you delay everything bar stockings till after lunch then what do you do till lunch is ready??

If you open some of the substantial gifts before lunch then at least you have those to play with while lunch is cooking.

I don’t finish work til 8am Christmas Day, so we will be doing presents and then I’m going to bed while dh deals with the aftermath and gets dinner on.

last year I worked 6am-4 pm so we did presents in the evening, bar a couple in the morning.

some of us don’t have the luxury of being able to plan lovely days, what with all the mumsnetters calling 111 and logging with 101.🤔

As kids we did it your way op and enjoyed it. Meant that the presents appeared at different points in the day.

See my kids always had the stocking in the morning and main presents after dinner. There was never an issue with this as they had never done any different.

When I was a kid I'd open presents at home just before lunch ( omg hour in the morning was a no no) and after lunch go to my mums house where presents were opened late afternoon ( due to stepdad needing to get back from work)

Making a child wait until after dinner to open presents is atrocious.

Why don't the family just bring presents from them when they come. That way you do Santa in the morning, with what is there. And presents from family after lunch when they bring them. That's pretty much what most people do, as it makes sense.

So I’m all for different families do things differently but I find all the ex post rationalisation for having so many rules and sanctimonious virtues ridiculous and miserable.

Quite weird attributing class values of “restraint” and “delayed gratification” in relation to presents.

Quite judgemental to attribute “frenzy” to children enjoying their presents. Or infer a lack of “gratitude”

I’m also quite curious about taking it in turns watching people open presents - do people politely applaud each opening? I’m not surprised it’s a Victorian tradition.

People asking how can you possibly fill the time if you don’t organise a polite ceremony of gift giving? Other families talk to each other, play with toys and games, watch TV, go for walks or have a laugh and don’t find that kind of thing hard because they’re with their favourite people who they love. But that’s denying the “magic” and you’re making it more “special” 🤨

I’m team DH. Relaxed, indulgent, loving (and zero pretension that there’s a moral virtue in what I’m doing over anyone else).

OP in my family we did it your way too in terms of stocking magically appearing from Father Christmas and tree presents being there from family the whole time. But, we opened stockings first thing and then did tree presents after a nice breakfast - might be a compromise for you to consider. Or, you could do stockings and all presents from mum dad, and relatives you won't see, first thing in the morning, then save the presents from the relatives that are coming that day to open after lunch.

I agree with your husband sorry. My mum tried to control our Christmas day and it was so annoying growing up because as a child you are just so excited. We do stocking and presents downstairs, dinner, then presents from grandparents and aunties/uncles late afternoon when we go over their house. You need to come to a compromise.

Nope your way sounds stressful. Stockings in bedroom. Then grandparents if not staying over came over Xmas morning for present opening. Then more family arriving for xmas dinner. Then chilling out after dinner.

Multiple children from different families opening presents sounds like my idea of hell.

I do the same as OP, except that I'm a proper monster because not only does my "poor child" have to make do with only a stocking full of new gifts until lunchtime (the humanity) but is also expected to help make lunch or lay the table before we eat.

Us too. It just spreads the excitement over the day...

that said this year we're celebrating on a different day and only in the evening due to family illness so are not inflexible 😳

I agree with your husband completely. For children Christmas is about the presents. Why make them wait? How utterly miserable. I also dislike the taking it in turns opening presents.

Put your foot down? Why on earth do you think you are the boss and have final say? If a man said he would put his foot down there would uproar on here.

Sorry OP I would hate your way and my kids wouldn't relax knowing their presents were all waiting

We've never done stockings but we do all presents in the morning. We also do turn taking, which extends it all out and allows us all to see what each other got

You definitely need to find a compromise it's not fair to insist on your way

I think your way is, as another poster said, a more middle class "posh" way. Sitting around and observing one another opening gifts when the rest of the family are there and sharing in the enjoyment and appreciation.

In this day and age it's a thing of the past - everyone wants everything right away and children aren't expected to wait for anything.

Also team your way! Our kids (14/ 12/ 9) have done it this way no problem. Find it kind of gross/ excessive just ripping it all open first thing. Spread the joy of the presents throughout the day!! Kids can totally learn to wait and enjoy it all.

My parents did it your way, with the addition of a freezing cold walk. It was EXCRUCIATING, and also, there was never enough time to actually open the presents so they went to Boxing Day and beyond. Ridiculous.

Now, we have a 3 and 5 year old and start presents after breakfast, but do them slowly as we find they quickly get tired/overwhelmed. We do a few, have a break, do more, etc. It combines the “savouring” you mention with actually opening the presents!

I said YABU because your child is 3. I don't fancy your chances of this working on your average 3 year old!

We were allowed to open one present (which we'd rattled/peeked at to decide which one) before church, and if there was time between church and lunch we opened the rest.
I suspect at 3 your DC will happily play with everything from their stocking for ages (or move back to older toys) but when they are older you'll struggle to get them to wait.

We often didn’t open presents until after the Queens speech!

The build up to Christmas starts in November now… most children have waited over a month for their presents! I personally don’t see any value in making them wait another few hours arbitrarily. If that’s how you want to do things then that’s great, but opening all presents in the morning doesn’t make children any less appreciative of their gifts.

We literally did it exactly as OP describes, except that there were no visiting cousins/family.

Interesting. We did all presents after a quicky breakfast including bucks fizz. Then a late big Christmas meal about 3.

I would be putting my own foot down over this.