Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Another poster had it right, your sister should have waited till she was old enough to parent before having children. I would be mortified if my child did this and would replace immediately. The fact that they didn’t show her the phone case and tell her off and expect her to apologise is very telling, she is going to be a nightmare and it isn’t her fault, it’s the shit parenting.

Also don’t apologise for buying nice things for yourself, that’s just your arsehole/entitled/cheeky fucker of a sister trying to shift blame onto you.

I guess I'm just used to them looking down on me for things and judging me for being immature, for example over the summer I went on a holiday and they laughed at me because it wasn't to a luxury resort

I would also add that at 5 she should know better and have boundaries.

Looks to me that their parents are fine with your niece’s lack of accountability and respect for others’ property.

I would be mortified if she was my child

This!

It's your DSis and BIL saying this that has got you into the mindset of thinking it's extravagant. Most people who could afford this, whether by saving for it or having the money spare, wouldn't give a second thought to spending £38 on a nice phone case.

But even if it had been one you picked up for a fiver at the market, it was your property and should be replaced.

I wouldn't give them anything for Christmas...niece included.

If you can't respect me or my things then fuck off.

The trouble is she's five (old enough not to deface things) but not old enough to understand a later consequence like Christmas.

I think reducing your spending is fine but to be petty with a piece of paper etc as per some suggestions will make you look like the bad guy.

If you've not got anything yet home bargains had cheap Crayola washimals which are little animals you colour in and then wash. You can have your revenge when she draws up their new wallpaper or such like!

What you have to decide is whether being right is worth a big family fall out just before Christmas.

If you buy gifts for her parents, I'd be swapping them for a cheaper alternative and recouping some of the money for it that way but still giving something so as not to end up the bad guy.

It's easy to type into your phone that you should force them to pay but there will be consequences in your relationship and you are the one that has to live with that.

I'd agree she might not have a clue at 2, but age 5 she should definitely know not to scribble on people's things!

Oh, you could buy yourself a new phone case and wrap it up and put it under the Christmas tree with a label saying, "To @losingweightandgainingconfidence, with love from @losingweightandgainingconfidence" written on it.

On Christmas morning you open it and say, "Oh wow, I love it!"

Then say, "Sorry DS/DBIL, I didn't get you anything this year, I couldn't afford it."

Having read the post and I got to this post I'd have to be very firm and say "I wouldn't have had to 'look after' my phone better, if you had looked after your child better. Whether you agree with the purchase or not, whether you think it is frivolous expense or not, if it was 'stupid money' or not, if it had happened to a friend or even a stranger, you would have to replace the damaged item, be it a phone case or an actual phone. You either need to replace the phone cover or give me the money so that I can do it. Anything other than this and we're going to have an issue here and it will be our relationship that gets damaged now, not just a phone case. I don't want to go into Christmas with this hanging over us so the sooner you can fix this issue your daughter caused, the better. I look forward to hearing from you."

I would give your niece a small token present for Christmas and put what you would usually spend towards another phone case.

@OneQuaintLemonHare I mean in general, despite the snipey comments from my DSis etc., I'm trying to rise above it to keep a relationship with her

Of course she has a clue. My dds at that age would never have destroyed something that belongs to someone else

I know that people say that you shouldn't give your niece the case but in this circumstance it has been rendered pretty much useless because she has ruined it.
So as others have suggested give it to her for Christmas and return any other gifts you have bought her. It will probably cause a ruckus on Xmas Day but you can just say you followed BIL's suggestion of giving it to her as she liked it so much!! and bought yourself a replacement!! And smile sweetly while doing so!!

They either need to replace it or return her Xmas gift and get yourself a new one.
Absolutely do not give that one to her, she'll think she can deface things and have them as her own.
Her parents need to teach her not to touch other people's things. And I understand as I bought my daughter a rhode case for her birthday last week and it was her most exciting gift!!

I've already addressed it further down the thread. I am not entirely sure how people expect a small child to learn right from wrong in the absence of their parents teaching them it.

Try elbow grease
She should have been told off, definitely not your fault
I would be asking her to buy you a replacement
If they won't, you can get them on ebay for £9.95.

Hate it when you buy something you really want and someone uses it/ruins it.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/315829646023?chn=ps&_ul=GB&var=614287048440&_trkparms=ispr%3D1&amdata=enc%3A179TUhxPmRruFKN3OnnKr_w40&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=614287048440_315829646023&targetid=2425733423477&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=9044961&poi=&campaignid=21697391927&mkgroupid=162558106770&rlsatarget=pla-2425733423477&abcId=10027104&merchantid=5321559049&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgqelzKyuigMVSKVaBR0ryQWJEAQYByABEgIncfD_BwE

Absolutely. But as the OP has asked them and they refused, all she can do is signal that she thinks it’s poor behaviour on their part and not give her niece the case, as that would communicate that bad behaviour is rewarded.

And I agree you don’t have to justify your spending to anyone.

On Christmas Day, if you buy a gift for your DN, I would simply say "I didn't get you a gift this year as I had to replace my phone case. Do you remember the one you scribbled all over ???!!!" 5 is definitely old enough to know there are things you can scribble on and things you can't and things that belong to other people that you should not touch. Ridiculous stance from your sister but we seem to have an increasing number of parents who believe their children can do exactly as they please with no consequences. A harsh but fair lesson which hopefully she will learn from, as she's learning nothing from her M&D.

5 is certainly old enough to know not to do this. They should certainly replace it-and they are pretty dim to let their child have markers that don't come off. What have you tried?

I bet I'm not the only one to Google this phone case and see what £38 gets you

I think the parents should replace it, at that age your niece knows right from wrong and her parents shouldn't indulge her naughty behaviour (or try to pass it off as girly, whatever that's supposed to mean)