Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Oh, and you're not being a bit petty OP. It's your money, you can do what you like with it, and your sister should mind her own business. She's totally disrespectful of you, and is bringing up her daughter to be the same way.

I’m with you. This is incredibly annoying. Give niece the ruined case for Christmas (since she wanted it so badly) and use the money saved to replace yours.

Your sister sounds like one of these people who think they’re automatically more mature and a better person because they have kids. Ignore her - she’s raising another brat and she’ll get her comeuppance.

It’s frustrating, I once had a friends kid anbout the same age empty orange squash in my brand new £250 winter boots that they insisted I take off when I arrived. They had padded lining that soaked up the orange and meant I had to go home with a cold wet foot and my boot stank. Their reaction was to giggle. I told them I didn’t think it was very funny and sent them the dry cleaning bill which they paid and apologised with bottle of wine.

Do not let them explain away this behaviour, it’s poor parenting on their part. They should and must take responsibility and replace the item or have it repaired. If they won’t, return all of their Christmas gifts and use the money to replace and don’t be shy about why. At 5 and 30+ years old they all know wrong from right.

And i personally think your sister is the immature one having a child before she is responsible enough to raise a child with decent social morals.

Of course they should replace it, and don't apologise for the price of it, I paid slightly more than that for an Apple case

At age 5 she's old enough to know not to draw on sonething that isn't hers and isn't paper. I wouldn't expect her parents to pay though, it was an accident.

Sorry but £38 isn’t a lot for a phone case. Some are much more expensive. However, it doesn’t matter if it was £3/30/300 - the niece was a little brat and the parents should replace it but clearly from op they have yet to understand what parenting is. I’d watch her as the niece is not being a girl, she’s being a destructive little shit.

They laughed and said it's cute how obsessed she is, and that they love that she's a girlie girl

Urgh idiots. I'd replace it if I was the parent, and I wouldn't laugh off drawing on other people's things as cute.

5 is old enough to know not to draw on other people's things. My 5 year old wouldn't do this and I don't consider her better behaved than average. When we've had her friends round to play we've never had issues like this either.

Ridiculous. £38 isn't a stupid amount of money on something you wanted to treat yourself on. Not at all. Can't believe they're blaming you. Oh well, that's your niece's Christmas present sorted then. No extra present for her as you need that money for replacing the case. Just give her the case she drew on as she's so obsessed with it.

But she doesn't come across like a grown up.

I'd send her a link to the thread and say, "Looks like Mumsnet agrees with me. Maybe you should have followed my example and waited until you were an actual grown up before having a child of your own."

I would be mortified if my child did this to somebody else's property. I'd have been transferring £38 to your bank account online about 2 seconds after it happened. Your sister is being a CF and I suspect there's a lot more history here in terms of family dynamics. If you've already bought them gifts, I'd be returning them and replacing them with something worth £38 less so you can replace your case without being out of pocket. Maybe a nice packet of coloured Sharpies for the child, so she can decorate their house.

Honestly you need to stop apologising for buying yourself something you wanted

@losingweightandgainingconfidence
I'm justifying it because I do realise it's a lot of money to have spent on a phone case, but I also didnt just buy it as a whim, I'd wanted it for months and then decided to buy it.

Darling, you could've spent £3,800 on a phone case and you still don't have to justify it. How you spend your earn't money is nobody's business but your own

And yes of course they should pay for a replacement. It's shocking that they are so disrespectful and telling their dd that that is completely acceptable.

They sound thick as mince, and very rude to boot.
Look them in the eye and say, ‘I’m spelling this out for you - your child damaged my property and you’re responsible for replacing it.’

The parents sound super unhelpful - frustrating that they are being so glib.

After this there’s no way I’d leave your niece unattended in your house or near your things in future. She could have drawn on your walls or bedding. No more relaxed lunches at yours with her silly parents.

Where is their line for what does constitute "bad behaviour" by their daughter?

She draws on her grandparents walls or sofa
Draws on the tv screen?
Draws on a car?

Do they have a line?

I'd be chalking up the phone case to experience (and swapping out their presents for much cheaper drawing kit), keeping my eyes on my stuff much more closely (or on niece)

And getting my large bag of pop corn ready for the escalation of behaviour!

No, my mum isn't involved (by me).

I'm trying to maintain a good relationship with my niece because I had an aunt who was quite cold with me, and I don't want my niece to experience that.

Frivolous or not they shouldn’t have let their child ruin the case. I’d be mortified and replacing that. I can’t believe they are making a joke of it.

Yes, definitely reflect this in her/their Christmas gifts. It doesn’t matter what it is, the parents should be teaching her to respect the property of others.

Er, why? Their child has ruined an item of OP's that was important to her.

@JimHalpertsWife . Well said .

Hi OP.

try alcohol, any would do, rubbing alcochol, hand sanitizer alcohol based, even perfume works and cotton wool and wipe away. If it’s ink it will go away😉 .

If that does not move it try a magic eraser.

And if that doesn’t work, then a bit of pink paste and a cloth but carefully as it’s abrasive and I don’t know if it has patterns.

Maybe on Christmas Day you could write your name on the niece’s face as you love her so much 😆

yanbu. If my 4 year old damaged something because I wasn’t supervising her properly I’d immediately order a replacement or offer the £. They sound like rubbish parents

She's 5! She is quite old enough to understand that you don't scribble on other people's property.

I'd be mortified if I were her parents and would replace it.