Aibu not letting dd open gifts

[Bdayupset]

Dd is 9 today. She's been waking me up periodically since 3am asking to open her gifts. I've been sleepily telling her it's too early. It's now 5.55 and we're about to get up, as a family (me, dh and 2 ds) and open her gifts etc.

She's extremely emotional, crying, saying it's the worst day ever. I feel bad I've ruined her bday by not letting her open her gifts.

Aibu?

3am! She is 9 not 4! Of course you are not being unreasonable! Hopefully now she won't do the same for Christmas Day.

No you’re not being unreasonable. She should be able to exercise a bit of patience aged 9.

I’d have done the same, 3am isn’t a reasonable time to wake up. Crying about it is a bit much for a 9yr old.

It seems a bit of extreme reaction to a perfectly usual thing of being told to wait until a more reasonable time, especially at 9 years old. Are there other times she struggles to wait or worries about things that are going to happen?

Don’t be silly. 3-6am is a ridiculous time to be up opening presents and a now 9yo should be able to comprehend that and have some patience (assuming no SEN). Even at 5:55am she’s lucky you’re all getting up to open her presents as still very early! You best set some expectations before xmas.

She’d hate me as a mother because I would make her wait until after breakfast and she was ready for school.
Hope she has a lovely day 💐

Christ if not being allowed to wake the whole house at 3 to focus on herself is making it ‘the worst day ever’, she has a lot of growing up to do. Perhaps watch the news and see what REAL suffering looks like.

You can't possibly think you're unreasonable???

Of course not.

Does she have a clock in her room?

When we were kids at Christmas/ birthdays we were told not to disturb our parents before 7am and somehow we just stuck to that even from being quite young.

We'd have one present in our rooms to open and play with before everyone got up. If we kept going into our parents rooms and waking them in the early hours we would get very short shrift!

Ignore her tantrums, she's 9 and shouldn't be behaving like this. To be honest I would threaten to not give her presents until she starts behaving more like a 9 year old than a 3 year old.

her attitude is way off , spoilt behaviour.

Shes probably crying cause shes shattered

I’d be telling her that if she didn’t rein in her attitude she wouldn’t be getting any presents.

Spoiled brat and I wouldn’t stand for it.

Some ludicrous responses

She's clearly overwhelmed and over tired. Does she have additional needs?

I know, calling an over tired emotional child a spoilt brat? Some of these comments are horrible

Shes 9. Been up since 3am, over excited. Shes probably absolutely exausted now and overwhelmed. I'd try and send her back to bed for a few hours if it was my DD

Of course YANBU.
You need to make it clear how she needs to either try to get back to sleep or lie quietly in her bed until a set time (you set it based on your morning routine). Has her birthday been really hyped up?
In the next couple of days I'd definitely speak to her about christmas, making it clear what you expect.

She's 9.
Unless she has significant developmental delays she should know how early that is!

God, She’s crying because she’s been up all night. Put her back in bed and tell her she’s not getting anything until she’s had a nap, ffs.

Obviously she has a lot of growing up to do. She’s 9. FYI all the murdered children on the news would’ve cared about their birthdays and misbehaved when they were really tired too!

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the worst mother ever! Although clearly I'm raising a 'horrible spoiled brat', so maybe I am!

I fully expect the same thing at Xmas unfortunately. Will try and set some boundaries and expectations now.

I agree, she was definitely over tired, which led to big emotions.

Thanks everyone x

I put YABU as in- you’re unreasonable to think you ruined her birthday. Poor girl will be shattered today but I guess that’s one way to learn consequences

By the time she opens her gifts she’ll have forgotten you ever ruined her day

To be honest where Christmas is concerned I would set out your expectations clearly that it won't be happening. Explain why Christmas isn't all about the gifts. I would consider taking her to your local church to drop off a donation in the morning before she's allowed to open anything.

Whether or not you do indeed raise a spoilt brat depends on you stamping out this type of behaviour. If she's like that at 9 and nothing changes, teen years will be hell.

Obviously YANBU for not getting up, and her birthday is hardly ruined!

But...what did you actually say or do the first time she woke you up? Because if that had happened here I'd have said very firmly that nobody was getting up until [insert acceptable time here] and that she was to go back to bed and stay there until said time. And had she ignored me and woken me a second time I'd have bollocked her and added an hour onto the previously stated time - and I'd have absolutely meant it and stuck to it, birthday or not. It sounds like perhaps she thought nagging you would work, and that's something you might want to look at when everyone is less tired and emotional!

OP I have a (very high achieving, extremely well behaved, well-rounded, neurotypical) daughter who gets extremely excited at birthdays and Christmas, and finds it hard to sleep. She’s not a spoilt brat; she’s just excited.

You were right to make her wait, and a reminder later about how it clearly isn’t the worst day ever when she’s not so tired is probably a good idea, as well as setting some expectations for Christmas. We usually have a new audiobook ready so at least she’s got something to keep her slightly distracted if she ends up waking up a lot.

Hope you get to catch up on your sleep later!

The excitement of birthdays is too much for some children. I’d think the tears were most likely through exhaustion from being up all night! I’m sure she’ll have a lovely day!