Aibu not letting dd open gifts

[Bdayupset]

Dd is 9 today. She's been waking me up periodically since 3am asking to open her gifts. I've been sleepily telling her it's too early. It's now 5.55 and we're about to get up, as a family (me, dh and 2 ds) and open her gifts etc.

She's extremely emotional, crying, saying it's the worst day ever. I feel bad I've ruined her bday by not letting her open her gifts.

Aibu?

You're talking about a child!! It's totally normal for them to be excited and to have a lot of emotions, and for them to be overly emotional when tired.

"Worst day ever"?! I'd certainly be having a conversation about that complaint.
Reassert boundaries and expectations. Something has gone awry, so be clear about what happens from this point.

What??
There is nothing wrong, objectively saying it in such a way.
Suspect most are thinking the same.
When were you appointed arbiter of ways to refer to nine-year olds? I missed that advert.

Your daughter is 9 years old, not 3. It is perfectly reasonable to expect her to be able to wait until a decent time to get up and open her gifts. As for the crying dramatics, that's just silly, she's not a toddler without any understanding. No, her birthday isn't ruined and neither are you a bad Mother making her wait. She needs explaining firmly, regardless of the fact it's her birthday, that waking you up multiple times in the night to open gifts is not acceptable!!

When were you appointed arbiter of ways to refer to nine-year olds? I missed that advert

Did that make you feel really clever and funny when you wrote that 🤣🤣🤣 what a bizarre thing to say to me

The first time she woke up she should have been told to wait until 6.30 or so or presents would be opened after school. The reason she’s going to have the worst day ever is because she’s tired.

I love the range of comments here. From "she's spoilt!" To "she's not spoilt, just overtired".
Personally, she's not a toddler and should be able to handle overtired without the overdramatic tantrum.
I think boundary setting is key because if you're not saying when she can open presents or giving consequences for keep coming in then shes not going to improve on this front. also I think helping her deal with emotions might be beneficial for you all. My 7ds is prone to dramatic outbursts but we've worked on it for the past year and the difference is amazing. From tantrums lasting ages, he now very quickly 'resumes normal operation". We've taught him that calming himself down, having a chat and a cuddle is way more effective and makes him feel better. There's nothing wrong with emotion but it needs to be unbottled gently not shaken up.
I feel for you.

Oh no, dearie, I did not feel 'funny' nor 'clever' when I wrote that. My thought were completely different, but Talk Guidelines prevented me from expressing them
Not bizarre at all, just a way of illustrating the pompousness of your post.

Sounds a lot like something my adhd kid would do- she works herself up into anxiety and becomes hyperfixated because the anticipation is such a horrible feeling for her. The hyperbole of "worst XYZ ever!" would fit that pattern as well as she tries to manipulate a fight (to blame/be angry at me) as its easier to feel anger rather than deal with those difficult feelings

I'd hazard a guess that your daughter is communicating stress in a particularly annoying and emotionally immature way. You have two choices- clap back with boundaries or punishment, or meet her with understanding and teaching/leadership.

I'd use it at a good opportunity for Xmas prep tbh- "this didn't work well this morning, we all felt angry/sad. Thats because we didnt get enough sleep. Sleep is important because... Here are my expectations for waking up on christmas morning. The natural consequences of doing this again are...."

🤣🤣

Out of the 2 of us, it's not my posts that are coming across as pompous 😅

I refer you to your first post.

Im sorry you had a bad night and I hope it gets better.

My kids are 12/8 and of course they get excited and struggle to sleep etc (my daughter is neurodiverse so struggles to sleep anyway) but its not fair for them to ruin your sleep as well at this age. Sure for toddlers and babies, but unless there are other concerns, she shouldn't be doing this to you.

We have a rule that nothing happens before 7am - 8am on the weekends. The kids will often wake up first but they have to stay in their rooms quietly until that time. They have clocks so can figure it out (we live in Scotland so you can't rely on the colour of the sky to tell you what time it is!)

I wouldn't do anything today though as it's her birthday and everyone's exhausted but I'd definitely set some boundaries over the rest of the week so you don't start Christmas Day the same way.

I'll express my shock that a 9 year old is behaving this way any way I like and this site does not prohibit the use of expletives.

You'll note that I refrained from any name-calling, and simply referred to her age, 9 is old enough to understand about other peoples needs on a fairly basic level.

I also asked a question, has the OP actually explained to her DD that this is unfair and unkind to others in the house, and what her options are if she can't sleep?

Significantly more constructive than the people who just called the child a 'brat' or 'spoilt'.

Nah, you’re the pompous one.

Big clock and a large note no not get up until x time

People calling the 9yo horrid names do realise everyone is different right?

Just because your 9yo wouldn't have woken up, would have gone back to sleep etc doesn't mean this 9yo could.

She may well have stayed in her room from 3am awake but she'd still be tired and some people are over emotional when tired (I'm 44 and I still am and I have to get up at 4am!)

Me and my siblings were very well raised by 2 teachers. We were still a nightmare on Xmas morning with our stockings in our room (and by morning yes I do mean anytime after midnight 😂)

Even now I struggle to sleep if I know I have to get up a different time, something is happening etc.

I must be a terrible parent. If it’s a schools day my kid gets a happy birthday in the morning and maybe a balloon. Gifts are done after school (with cake etc)

She’s 9. She’s excited.

she’s not doing anything wrong and neither are you.

Threads like this always entertain. The ouraged falling over themselves to be horrified, calling posts 'despicable' 😂

I've 2 dd's past 9, one not that long ago, this would not have been tolerated in my home. According to OP, waking them up 'periodically from 3 am' !!
Mess with my sleep and I would have thrown the bloody presents over the back fence!!

As for her exclaiming it's the worst day ever, I would probably take her up on that... This child does need some firmer boundaries I would say. At 9 she should know this is unacceptable - being excited is understandable but behaving like a toddler isn't.

All 3 of mine would have woken up early. That’s not the point. The point is they learnt that they were not to wake me before a certain time. Simple.
The OP’s child needs to learn that. As a parent I put in to place boundaries and gave them alternatives- yes they all had a stocking to keep them occupied on Christmas morning (from around 3am when they were super excited) and they all knew that they could play in their rooms as long as they did it quietly.

There is nothing wrong with teaching children boundaries.

Yes, there's no guarantee she would have gone back to sleep. She might have still been tired. But the impact on the rest of the household would have been significantly lessened! She wouldn't have been wailing about "worst day ever" because her mum wouldn't have been tired and ratty, and she wouldn't have had to deal with being told it was too early multiple times.

Yes she's 9, yes it's her birthday, yes she's excited - it's still not ok to wake people up multiple times in the early hours. She can go and read a book or something FFS.

Why would you fully expect the same thing at Christmas? This is the perfect opportunity to set in some boundaries for the future.

“Children - it’s Christmas Eve, we know you are extremely excited for tomorrow, but unless you get a decent amount of sleep you will be utterly exhausted by the afternoon. Do not get out of bed until the clock says 7 (or whatever time is reasonable in your family.) Anyone getting out of bed earlier than that will start losing presents under the tree.”

This ⬆️

No presents before daybreak ever in my house, this includes Christmas though you do have to enforce this from the start. At 9 she should be able to tell the time easily, if not get a clock for Christmas.