Aibu not letting dd open gifts

[Bdayupset]

Dd is 9 today. She's been waking me up periodically since 3am asking to open her gifts. I've been sleepily telling her it's too early. It's now 5.55 and we're about to get up, as a family (me, dh and 2 ds) and open her gifts etc.

She's extremely emotional, crying, saying it's the worst day ever. I feel bad I've ruined her bday by not letting her open her gifts.

Aibu?

My DD’s birthday today too. Struggling to get mine up for college, (18 today) but it does get easier. I’ve always had a rule of waiting until after school
to open presents which has possibly helped.

Hope she manages to get over how tired she’s feel soon and has a lovely day.

This thread is despicable. Some of the language used about a 9 year old is staggering. Shes not a spoilt brat, she doesn’t need to watch other children suffering to learn a lesson and you shouldn’t throw her presents away. Shes overtired, overexcited and emotional. End of school and Xmas probably isn’t helping as well. I think setting some expectations in the run up to Xmas is sensible, but just leave her be today.

You are not a bad mother
you have not ruined her birthday
she is not a spoiled brat.

It does seem though that she is having trouble regulating her emotions. Definitely start working on Christmas expectations now. It’s not unusual for older kids and adolescents to get overwhelmed and struggle with emotions. Not the getting up part the floods of tears parts. You may have a tough few years ahead with hormones. Give her a big hug calm her down, work on Christmas tomorrow.

hope you and she have a lovely day.

If my 9 year old DS had woken me at 3am he would have been royally shouted at. The more he woke me the longer he'd have to wait.

She's 9 not 4? That's not really normal 9 year old behaviour.

We have a light up clock/nightlight in dd's room that glows red until 6.30am, then it glows yellow, then at 7am it glows green. It's shaped like a dog. It's great, I recommend something like that. Even though your dd is much older than mine and can tell the time I'm sure, she doesn't even need to look at the clock properly to know not to disturb you

Wow, some disgraceful name calling by adults about a child .
You should be ashamed !!
Op you are not raising a spoilt brat, nor are you being unreasonable, have a wee chat about what you want regarding Xmas morning over the next few days ,
But cut her some slack today
Happy birthday to your daughter. I hope she has a fabulous day .

Certainly sounds like you have reared a rather over dramatical spoilt princess. Her behaviour is of her parents making.

Yanbu to make her wait.

Sinbu in waking up excited and wanting to get up. Not to have been so overtired she's emotional.

You did the right thing by setting a reasonable hour (ish!) for you to all get up.

This is just a learning curve for her.

Of course that wasn’t unreasonable.

I know it’s easy for those of us reading this not at 3am and no with a child melting down to say what we’d have done better, but I would have given her a specific time that presents will be opened at the first asking.

For Christmas, give her a schedule for the exciting bits. Write it out, walk through it with her and let her decorate it and hang it up. You can hang it next to a printed calendar that she gets to cross off days between now and then on. At 9 a NT child is capable of waiting but indefinite waits are much tougher and open the door to the idea that she just needs to convince you that now is the time.

She’s overwhelmed and tired, not spoilt.

I hope she has a lovely birthday xx

She probably did know it was early. And being a brand new 9 year old, her impulse and self control probably isnt perfect at this age.

She's 9, not 18.

Of course OP isn't being unreasonable but expecting a 9 year old to have the emotional capacity of an adult is a bit much.

What's done is done, but make sure she knows that from now on, she (and any other children you have) are to stay in their rooms/quiet until 5/6/7 o'clock.

You're speaking about a child.

If anything it speaks to how well OP has raised her, that she's so excited to wake up. She must feel so loved and cared for to be so excited. When I was 9, we'd still wake up early for Christmas. I'd hope a child was excited for their birthday, not dreading it.

Ooof, not a good start to the day. If I am going to pick on anything, I would say that you should not have said that it was “too early” - instead you should have set a time e.g “we will get up at 7 am”. Or showed her the alarm and told her that it goes off at 6:45 and she cannot get up until then. Give her a bedside light and tell her to read a book.

For Christmas I would not ‘try’ and set boundaries (I think that is what you say in a later post), rather you WILL give a new tradition. This was started in my family many years ago, back in the time when all we talked about in the playground was whether we loved John, Paul, George or Ringo best. My sister and I had done the wake at 3 am malarkey.

So the following year we had presents under the tree which were opened mid morning when everyone was fully awake BUT we had a stocking in our bedroom which had chocolate to sustain us and stuff to entertain us. That stocking could be opened whenever we liked. It worked. We only opened presents when adults told us we could. We were around the age of your daughter and I recall the fact that we could appreciate the fact that adults needed to sleep.

My own kids had their stockings but because i married into a family that had a traditional big family Christmas Eve they never woke early. I used to have to wake them!

So you have not ruined her day, but her being tired has given it a bad start. I hope that things get better. Have a rested Christmas too!

She's fucking 9 surely she can tell the time and understand other people do need to sleep... have you not tried saying 'I know you're excited, but everyone in the house needs sleep and it is really rude and unkind of you to wake everyone else up. You can open your presents at ... '

She is plenty old enough to know other people have needs too, and if she can't sleep through excitement then she can lie in bed, she can read, shut her eyes and make up stories... as long as shes quiet and not pestering and disturbing anyone else!

Me and my children are all ND and none of us sleep well. My DD can be up all night and then up at the crack of dawn.

As to not be woken up too early on Christmas day, both of my kids have mini Christmas trees in their room and I put their stocking presents under their little tree. It keeps them entertained for a while, gives me some extra time to catch up on sleep and its somthing they look forward to every year

OP You meed to start laying in some boundaries. Some children get very excited, nothing wrong with that. But the first time she woke you she should have been told very clearly that no presents would be opened until 7am (or any decent AM time). And then if she came in again, as a PP suggested, you start adding on an hour.

Teaching them there are limits at a young age means you have created a sense of what’s right or wrong, what’s appropriate and what isn’t so by the time they hit teenage years and start rebelling or looking for independence you can let them go. They’ll make mistakes but come back to what they learnt and start making the right choices. Don’t let this behaviour be repeated at Christmas - use today as a learning experience (but try and get her to have a nap otherwise she’ll be distraught all day).

Has anyone ever tried to tell you it's really rude and unkind to speak about children like "shes fucking 9"

I am going to go off on a tangent and suggest you make absolutely no reference to the disturbed night, the tears, the 'my birthday is spoilt' talk, and just have a normal, happy birthday day. Nothing will be gained by rehashing anything now.

I really like @motherbear44's suggestion, but setting out that can wait till the weekend.

Your daughter is over excited and overtired anyway with all the Christmas hype at school, and it came out as bad behaviour. It's not who she is really.

Whaaaat? My DD turned 9 yesterday and she didn't open gifts and cards until 5.30pm when DH was back from work!

9 year olds shouldn't be doing that!

‘If the sun isn’t up, you can’t open your presents, because it’s not your birthDAY / Christmas DAY yet’ - worked a treat for us growing up with our winter birthdays.

Someone needs to learn some patience or be forever a proper little self-centred madam

I think anybody would have trouble regulating their emotions when running on 4 or more hours less sleep than usual.

I'd let the teacher know about the early start so they realise she might be a bit emotional today!

I would be taking a hard line on this OP. If she can't sleep that's hard but she has to learn she cannot wake others and it's a selfish to do so. Have a chat with her about what she can do if she can't sleep, methods to help relax etc but there will be consequences for waking you. I think its important to do it now before she does this Christmas morning too. She is obviously exhausted but this evening when she is calm and happy I think you should tell her that she upset you and you are tired and disappointed.

When mine woke me early I would remind them of the consequences all day, sorry I can't make you a snack I'm too tired, sorry I can't listen to your story I'm too tired, sorry you can't have a friend over / go to the park etc. It sounds harsh but it was the only way that worked.