To think she could have sat in a normal chair?

[Theskyitwasmaroon]

I drove to see a friend today, about 100 miles away. I took my DD who is 9 months, she eats solids now and at home sits up with us in a highchair.

We specifically got invited for lunch that my friend made.

My friend has a DD who is 3.5, they have a Tripp trapp so I didn’t take a highchair with me as I thought she could use their highchair.

However when it came to eating, my friend insisted her DD sit in the Tripp trapp? This meant my DD had to sit in her car seat on the floor. I had to then feed her lunch on my lap. Her DD asked to sit on the normal chairs and my friend insisted she must sit in the highchair (it was on the highchair setting still, the same setting we use for DD).

AIBU to think this is quite rude? It made my lunch uncomfortable as DD hates her car seat and likes to sit up. I felt a bit bad for excluding her. Surely one time sitting at a dining chair wouldn’t hurt?

It is just a chair, but adjusted for height to be more comfortable for the child. Which will be the same of the chairs at primary school.

It’s just a wooden chair that has an adjustable seat and foot rest so it can be set to comfortably fit a baby (with added straps and belt) up through the age when they can sit in an adult sized chair with their feet on the floor and the table at a comfortable level relative to their torso and arms.

At school children sit in chairs sized for their age group. At restaurants they use booster seats or just make do, because it’s normal for the things we have at home to be selected to suit us more specifically than those in public places.

Have you read any of it ? High chair was set up in the same way OP has for her 9 month old.
I wouldn't just assume I could use high chair but in this situation your friend was being strange not letting you use it when her 3 year old can and wanted to sit in a normal chair

I think there must be some reason as it is unusual for 3.5 year old to use high chair. Perhaps she had a fright falling from chair or choking. Unless friend is known to avoid helping/sharing i would not she was being rude.

I would see it as a bonus if there is an old high chair to borrow when visiting. I expect baby on knee, and likely friend would help. I wouldn't bring a high chair for one meal even if i knew one not available. It is awkward though, but less work than packing an unpacking high chair into car twice.

The only reason someone would have a highchair set up in their kitchen, is that they’ve got a child that uses it.

Odds are that the 3y old would refuse to use the highchair in the future if she was taken out of it this time.

Unless you were feeding your baby at a different time to everyone else eating, you were wrong to assume the highchair would be available for you.

But you didn’t ask. That’s the issue. You’re pondering on something you could have dealt with. All you needed to say was “when Jane had finished her lunch can I put flossie in the high chair” and likely she would have either said yes of course or “Jane can sit on a normal chair” don’t ask, don’t get

@Iwishicouldflyhigh google is your friend. It is just a chair. If we have friends over they sit in it too sometimes, adults I mean. The nice thing about them is that they sit right in to the table so they're never in the way.

They last years too, both of ours are second hand and still going strong so great sustainable choice too. If we're ever finished with them we'll give them away and they'll be used for another 10 years or so I'm sure.

Yes that was my thought. Other thoughts were maybe she knows her daughter will be wildly jealous of the baby being in the high chair and might try to grab the baby and is too embarrassed about her daughter’s potential poor behaviour to mention it to op. Or maybe she has a feeding disorder and needs to be kept immobile and upright. We don’t know the reason and shouldn’t judge or criticise. It might have smoothed things over if the friend just made some comment about why her daughter needed the high chair but she might not have wanted to share especially if it might cause her daughter to resist going in the chair even more. Parenting is tough and there are usually reasons why mums make particular choices and very often those reasons make complete sense to her because she has a complete picture of her child and their likely behaviour in any given situation.

This is turning out to be another topic on mumsnet (a bit like what age do you leave your kids) where everyone just copies what their own friendship group does and assumes that's the norm.

We've had 'nobody takes a high chair 😂😂' through to 'of course you take a high chair 😂😂' each as if the other stance is absurd.

My circle it was absolutely normal to have one in your boot, nappy bag if cloth, and whenever arrangements were being made 'shall I bring my high chair' was as commonplace a question as 'what's your address.'

Dts are 14 now. We still have the trip traps, they're ergonomically designed and really good for homework. I use them if im wfh downstairs.

Having a 3.5yo in the baby set is odd and I can't figure out how that would even work.

If you read OP's posts, the chair was in highchair mode.

I really just don't understand some people.

We get moaning about not having a "village" anymore but then there's apparently an expectation that routines are so rigid that a 3.5 year old can't sit on a normal chair for one meal so a guest can use her chair. And apparently some people would expect a guest for a couple of hours to bring their own high chair?!

I'm interested in knowing what on earth your friend served that was so complicated to eat that you need both hands free!

My toddler loves to sit on the big chair and be a big boy. He also loses interest very quickly and tries to climb up on the table or climb down and wander around, so we keep him in the high chair for meals. He's allowed to go when he's all done. Maybe your friend's child is similar?

I think it’s rude for you to turn up and expect to use the highchair without prior arrangement. You should have planned in advance and you could then change your plans or arrangements subject to what you feel comfortable with.

firstly it’s amazing you went all the way to see a friend and drove 100 miles! And with a 9 month !
I can understand why you feel Abit hurt tbh
the more hospitable thing to do would have been for your friend to accommodate you and make you feel Abit more comfortable and welcome.
usually in my culture (but not always tbh I’ve had some experiences with people even within my own culture who have done things differently)we feed our guests first or prioritise them and it’s normal for us to look after guests children whilst they eat
especially if the child of the guest is younger and your own child is older so can get on with things Abit more independently .
having said I’ve also noticed in many situations that people have put their own convenience and children first when I’ve visited and I guess we just have to respect that some people do it differently

So true

YANBU
Your friend sounds like a selfish little shit. Don’t go back.

I mean even the 3.5 yr old wanted to sit on a normal chair!!!!

Don’t let this bother you , overall it’s annoying and nothing more. Let it go and don’t stress too much

That's exactly right, your friend, who invited you and your daughter over, who was preoccupied organising lunch and her grumbling 3yo and didn't telepathically realise you also wanted the highchair, is obviously a selfish bitch and you should go no contact. Along with any other so called 'friends' who slip up occasionally and aren't flawless hosts.

/sarcasm

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice

Is her ‘friend’ you? Yikes.

Unlikely no, but I've definitely been a flustered host who is very grateful for the fact that my friends are normal people who would just politely pipe up and ask for what they needed if I was busy/overwhelmed/stupid and forgot to offer.

I’m completely lost , do you have a lap ?

I got a little travel chair for when I was visiting or going out for lunch. You can just throw it in the boot of the car, voila!

For example: Nuby Booster Seat from 6 months. Nuby Booster Seat from 6 months.

This. I'm human, my friends are human. We all try to be good hosts and anticipate each other's needs but don't expect anyone to be perfect. We'd definitely rather ask for things/help or communicate about possible solutions than say nothing, sit around silently irritated, then slag off our "friends" with strangers on the internet later. And I wouldn't want to host anyone who I thought would do the latter, honestly.

"Whatever happened to it takes a village?" Asking for what you need and extending grace to others is often part of being in the village.