To think she could have sat in a normal chair?

[Theskyitwasmaroon]

I drove to see a friend today, about 100 miles away. I took my DD who is 9 months, she eats solids now and at home sits up with us in a highchair.

We specifically got invited for lunch that my friend made.

My friend has a DD who is 3.5, they have a Tripp trapp so I didn’t take a highchair with me as I thought she could use their highchair.

However when it came to eating, my friend insisted her DD sit in the Tripp trapp? This meant my DD had to sit in her car seat on the floor. I had to then feed her lunch on my lap. Her DD asked to sit on the normal chairs and my friend insisted she must sit in the highchair (it was on the highchair setting still, the same setting we use for DD).

AIBU to think this is quite rude? It made my lunch uncomfortable as DD hates her car seat and likes to sit up. I felt a bit bad for excluding her. Surely one time sitting at a dining chair wouldn’t hurt?

Unless I've asked beforehand, I always assume I'll need to provide my own means of supporting my baby, whether it's a highchair/booster seat or just sitting on my lap.

In reverse, I've occasionally found it a little tricky when accommodating friends babies of similar age (I have no reason to own two highchairs) if they've not brought something with them. In that scenario we tend to swap turns using the highchair and/or a baby sits on a lap.

Having said that, I agree that if I was in your friends position, I would have allowed you to use the highchair and just sat my 3.5 year old at the table. I assume they must have their reasons for insisting on the highchair...

Restaurants and cafes are a different kettle of fish as they usually have highchairs available, so no need to plan ahead (although if I'm booking a table, I do request that one is reserved, just in case)... On the rare occasion a highchair isn't available, baby sits in the pushchair (although the mess/clean up means this is a last resort).

I’ve not read all the messages yet. Has someone suggested one of these https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vine-Easy-Portable-Travel-Chair/dp/B082SJT3ZT/ref=asc_df_B082SJT3ZT?mcid=a839c1360b243a3db8106f21f1ee75ba&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696385640851&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7293420337578363508&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046643&hvtargid=pla-881758851734&psc=1&gad_source=1
great for when you are travelling or out to visit people without babies. Obviously need to keep an eye on them 100% of time they are in it but easier than a lap for feeding as the food doesn’t go on you.

True. But I have managed 3 children not travelling with all sort og things. Maybe it isn't that complicated tbh.

God, what a fuss over nothing, you could have just asked. As a host she probably had a few things on her mind and it didn't occur to her.

We had a little portable child seat that could be attached to a table or put in a normal chair. Unless you never visit friends or family at mealtimes then it might be a sensible option?

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice this response is far too reasonable and sensible for AIBU!!

One thing to remember @Theskyitwasmaroon is that a 9 month old is much more adaptable than some 3 year olds. Some kids can be extremely difficult at that age and putting your baby in the chair may have triggered a tantrum or moaning sessions that goes on all day. A 9 month old just gets on with it. Something to bear in mind. Friend might have been hoping and praying her DC didn't kick off and didn't even register what was going on with yours.

As a very general observation, the majority of people don't notice or care about parents inconveniences especially when they have their own little ones to tend to.

Just bewildered by all these people who take a high chair with them to go for lunch ...

my 3.5 year old sits on a normal seat... my 10 month old is on my lap for allot of meal

I would also find it bizarre if somebody arrived to my house with their own highchair.

That said, I would not assume I'd use their highchair either.

I always brought the buggy inside and used that as both a seat for my kids when they needed to be secured into a seat, a highchair when they needed to eat and a bed when they needed a nap. I don't understand why you didn't just bring your buggy into your friend's house. She could easily have washed the floor after you left if you only used it in the kitchen?

I have mixed feelings on this. I'm not sure why you assumed before getting there you would be able to use her high chair without checking. Generally they are either still being used or packed away somewhere, rather than just waiting ready for guest use.

It does sound bizarre for a 3 year old to be in the baby attachment, but perhaps that's why it didn't occur to her it would also be suitable for your 9mo, she sees it in her head as for toddlers. And it can be awkward putting young children on normal chairs, as they can't reach well (and that makes more difference for tidy comfortable eating than colouring). We got a higher kids chair (like a normal chair, not a high chair) from IKEA for that stage and only stopped using it for our 9yo in the last year or so, so I'm not surprised she still wants to use the chair for her dd. It probably didn't occur to her to change the routine. I wouldn't be offended by it.

However, I don't see the problem with putting your dd down in the highchair so you can eat, as long as she wasn't upset, so not sure why such a big deal being made of that. Why be a Martyr when there is somewhere safe to put her?

We had this and found it really useful for visiting: amzn.eu/d/6SxVeVH.

Having plenty of experience with both, I find it less distracting to eat with a 9 month old on my lap (and then set them down to crawl or in their car seat on a dining chair next to me) than have my 3.5 month old eating in an adult-sized chair where they either have to sit on their knees (which primes them to be moving around & getting up) or not be able to reach the table. I'm sure others have the opposite general preference and how much of a faff it is depends a ton on the specific child. But I don't think that's some wild statement and I'm not sure what's confusing.

At restaurants there are usually booster seats to solve this issue once they've outgrown standard high chairs. In our playroom and at nursery and then school they get plenty of practice sitting in appropriately sized chairs. At other people's houses or random locations we figure something out and make do. But in our home we have tripp traps (with the baby seat add-on removed once they grow out of them) adjusted based on height so that each DC has their own right-sized chair to join us at the table. And in my experience young kids can generally accept that we often do things differently when we're away from home but making an exception to a rule at home is more likely to cause arguments later on at that age.

So I can see why the other mum didn't think to offer and just stuck to her DD's routine.

The strangest thing about this is that you felt bad for excluding a 9 month old- one who presumably has no clue what’s going on at an adult lunch…

YABU to assume you could use the house high chair. I would never automatically assume I could use one. The chicco fold up booster seats are great.

Ahhh here comes the dog!

Do they have a conservatory and an en-suite too?

Didn't say it was wild or confusing. Just asked about the reasoning behind your opinion. Thanks for explaining your perspective.

I don’t know what this means. DD is fascinated by the dog so I didn’t want her roaming around because she would probably be hassling it.

Yeah sorry op I'm another that used to just keep strap on booster seats in my boot. Maybe it's a twin parent thing as I just couldn't hold 2, but even when I had my oldest my best chance of enjoying a meal was if my child was strapped in a seat. Just wouldn't occur to me not to have this option available. If you like your friend which hopefully you do I'd overlook it. I struggled to be flexible sometimes with my kids as the fallout was hassle I couldn't be bothered with, so have sympathy with her.

You were being unreasonable to assume you could just use her Highchair (if you knew she had one there you must have known her child would still be using it)

She is being unreasonable not to let her 3.5 year old sit on a chair and allow your baby to use the Highchair!
My DD is 3.2 not big for her age and uses a booster cushion but can reach the table fine without it if need be, sit still and stable without danger of falling off etc.

Yanbu! I’d have sat my 3yo at the table and offered the baby the highchair. Especially when you’d driven all that way.

We just had a fold away booster seat that straps onto any chair. It works just like a high chair. We used it in cafes, restaurants, friends’ houses. Ours lived in the car. There were occasions when cafes had run out of high chairs and it was useful to be able to nip out to get it.

We got a pop up highchair from
graco for visiting family / friends it’s about £20 solves alot of these problems

Why didn't you just bring in your buggy OP? You could have strapped your baby into it for eating/sititng in while you were eating/napping whenever you wanted or needed to?

Yes I could have done this although we only stopped for a couple of hours as my friend then needed to go out so I didn’t need it for naps. I suppose as lunch was ready it then seemed a bit rude to trek outside and down the road to get it out of the car.

I kept one of these in my nappy bag - very handy!

https://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/style/st593232/c76312#C76312

I'd have run out for it. But then I had two children quite close in age so a buggy was a necessity wherever I went so I could put the baby in it while I was tending to the toddler.

Better than sitting with a baby on your lap when trying to eat or have a hot drink.

Buy an umbrella buggy and leave it in the boot of your car. It will be invaluable when you are out and about with your baby

People on Mumsnet would argue the grass was purple for the bloody hell of it.

Yes OP, it's very odd for someone to insist their 3.5 year old sits in a baby high chair attachment when said child was already sitting on a normal chair happily and wanted to stay on that chair. Especially odd when you have a guest round with a 9 month old who really needs the high chair.

All this waffle from other posters about you being so unreasonable and how very dare you expect your baby to sit in the high chair... well I'm glad no one I know would do as your friend did. Of course they would serve the 3 year old where they're already sitting and let your baby sit in the high chair. Obviously.