To think she could have sat in a normal chair?

[Theskyitwasmaroon]

I drove to see a friend today, about 100 miles away. I took my DD who is 9 months, she eats solids now and at home sits up with us in a highchair.

We specifically got invited for lunch that my friend made.

My friend has a DD who is 3.5, they have a Tripp trapp so I didn’t take a highchair with me as I thought she could use their highchair.

However when it came to eating, my friend insisted her DD sit in the Tripp trapp? This meant my DD had to sit in her car seat on the floor. I had to then feed her lunch on my lap. Her DD asked to sit on the normal chairs and my friend insisted she must sit in the highchair (it was on the highchair setting still, the same setting we use for DD).

AIBU to think this is quite rude? It made my lunch uncomfortable as DD hates her car seat and likes to sit up. I felt a bit bad for excluding her. Surely one time sitting at a dining chair wouldn’t hurt?

No way would my kids have been in a high chair at that age. Used to frustrate me when friend put her 4yo in a buggy for no reason.

Get a Bumbo or similar for your kid and take it with you.

No I don’t think most people take a high chair to their friends house for lunch! You obviously felt that she was being unkind by not offering the high chair, is she usually unkind? If you were my friend maybe I’d have offered to hold your baby while you eat (though I’d have given you the high hair tbh) - but keeping things in perspective it’s not a big deal for a baby to eat in their car seat once in a while.

Welcome to motherhood. You'll not eat without distractions for many years to come.

If I am travelling to see friends/family with DD and she needs something, such as a high chair (she's 3 so she just sits on a normal chair with a cushion if needs be these days) or a side rail for the bed (if staying over), I would ask before I left if they had anything or if I needed to bring anything. I wouldn't assume my child's needs would trump their child's needs, whether I agree with their approach or not.

I had this fab bag thing that made any dining chair into a highchair and then a booster seat. I'd recommend getting one. That way your child would have been on the dining chair and hers squished into the highchair...

No but at that age we took an Ingenuity booster seat everywhere as high chair provision is so variable in restaurants. We would have definitely taken it with us to a friend’s place. Fits well in the boot and comfy for your child.

Using the baby set on a Tripp Trapp for a 3.5yo is weird though. However if you’d come to my place, you still wouldn’t have been able to use the Tripp Trapp as we’ve long sold the baby set.

Could you not have sat you DD in her car seat while you ate your lunch then put her in the highchair when friends child had finished her lunch? If you don't take your own highchair to places take an old vest top of yours, put it over the back of the chair then put your child in it. It keeps them secure to the chair while you feed them.

I'm only just out of this stage with two children and in my circle it was very common to take some sort of high chair with you because there was rarely an available high chair at someone else's house. I'd only expect to be able to borrow one at the right stage (eg newborn insert or to suit a 9 month old or whatever) if a friend's child had very very recently outgrown that stage and I knew they were now using a completely separate chair in the next stage up. I really don't think it's odd at all to take a travel high chair or indeed just throw the normal one in the boot.

To me this sounds as if the 3-year old is already used to sitting on a regular chair, eventually with a booster, but now was put in the TripTrap? Maybe your "friend" has a thing about letting other babies use her baby-equipment (afraid of germs?) and so made a point by putting her own child in the high chair? I wouldn't visit her anymore, and no! Normal people don't take a highchair for a visit to friends! Especially not if that friend owns a TripTrap! If she had specifically asked you to bring your own you could've gone for the popular Ikea high chair. Very practical, pop the legs out and back in. And cheap! We have one for our grandchildren. But since she didn't say anything, no YANBU.

These replies.....🙄

So apparently when you see a friend you need to "book" use of their highchair?!

Even when our babies were exactly the same age I would always offer the highchair to a friend if they were over for a meal - and definitely would never wedge my toddler in whilst their baby had nowhere to sit!

Your friend was being weird and most of the people replying here are completely mad 😂

I think I possibly worded my OP wrong tbh although I know I’ll get jumped on for saying that. I hadn’t really given the lunch sitting situation much thought but then when I saw the Tripp trapp set up on the baby setting I thought it must be for me to use. That’s why I was kind of taken aback by my friends DD then being squeezed into it. Especially as we had travelled so far for the lunch. It kind of felt like they were having lunch and we were just a spare part.

If a friend visited me I would offer them my highchair for their child.

Part of being a good host is accommodating guests. I don’t think that’s controversial.

If the 3 year old was small enough to sit in the baby seat then I would guess that she still needs it. Surely the need for a high chair depends on size rather than age. I am surprised that a 3.5 year old fits in it, but if she does she must be very small so eating at a table from a normal dining chair would be difficult.

But we still don't know what she served that required both hands to eat!

She probably just didn't think. I'm sure if you asked along with the 3.5 Yr old saying she wanted to sit on a normal chair the friend would have happily obliged.

You drove 200 miles for 2 hours - she couldn't choose a day when she didn't have to go out after?

That reply isn’t patronising at all. It’s one of the most sensible replies in the whole thread.

The Tripp Trapp for a three year old does not support younger children - as the baby set might not already be fixed and as a Tripp Trapp owner it is a huge hassle to set the baby set up and will involve literally breaking it apart and realigning foot rest etc. The onus is on you to ensure your child’s additional requirements were there - i don’t think you should have automatically expected her to make adjustments.

It actually made me feel sick thinking of all the other dirty children who had used the high chairs whenever we went out to restaurants so we used a Chicco pocket snack. Fit in the boot, folded down, had a handle strap to carry and was super easy to assemble against any chair.
That would have been perfect for this situation. My 3.5 year olds were in adapted high chairs at that age and I wouldn't have shared if I invited you over for lunch. I'd assume you would realise I'd need my high chair for my own child and wouldn't have a spare lying around 😂
You've made a point that it was specifically a lunch invitation so strange you didn't either clarify with your friend about where your baby could go or bring something yourself.

Why would you not have taken a seat with you that your child could sit in? When i've gone i've always taken something with me and not assumed the other person would have something for my child to sit in, that is my responsibility as a parent.

sort your own travel high chair facility - there are plenty on the market and just take that with you - handy for cafes etc as well when high chair in the way of not available.

THe fact she was still using the chair for her daughter is her business and shouldn't be conflated with the fact you didn't provide for your own child in some way or at least ask so you were prepared

This is so weird. You expected your friend to be a mind reader. It is so easy to hold a 9month old while you both eat. No reason for baby to go on floor, on your knee and you both eat together. If you are so fixated on a high chair mentioning it to your friend would have solved the issue. I imagine friend put her child in the chair to prevent her getting up and down from the table so that she could serve lunch and concentrate on talking to you. Why would you be so negative about someone who has kindly invited you to her home?

That's exactly what I thought, JillMW. I always had mine on my lap to eat, or my husband did, we sat next to each other. That is normal. You don't cart special chairs around to friends nor expect them to provide them, you use those at home.

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/style/st593232/c76312

I keep one of these in DDs changing bag for situations like this. Less faff than one of the more solid ones but perfectly sufficient for the odd time every now and then.

To me though, the oddest thing here is the lack of communication. I can't understand why you didn't check with your friend before hand 'is DD okay to use the highchair or shall I bring one' nor can I understand why your friend didn't offer when she saw you going to put DD down on the car seat on the floor (although maybe she thought, as I would have, that this was also odd and she just wanted to leave you to it to avoid sounding judgemental).

Yes - we had two foldable ones that sat on normal chairs that we used at friends’/family’s houses. We have twins and few people have two spare high chairs! Some restaurants run out of high chairs too.