DH ruined my lunch.

[TwigletsAndRadishes]

AIBU? I don't know why I am asking really, I know I am not. I need to vent.

Bought two of those plastic trays of mixed salad from the self service salad bar at Morrisons. All sorts in them. A curried rice thing, a pesto pasta, grated cheese, lettuce/tomato/cucumber, coleslaw, beetroot salad, hard boiled eggs, potato salad, some sort of couscous thing. I did my best to place each different spoonful of stuff into its own corner of the tray with something else layered on top, like lettuce or tomato, or hard boiled egg, so it wouldn't be too much of a mixed up mush and it would still be possible (ish) to separate the different elements onto a plate at home. Ok, so it was never going to be easy/perfect, but not completely impossible.

DH asked if he should dish up lunch. I said yes, if you like.

I came in to find that he's tipped both trays of salad into one huge bowl and mixed the entire lot up so it looked like pigswill. WTF? Why would you even do that? It looked the scrapings off people's plates after they'd finished eating.

I was just incredulous and so exasperated. I said 'what the hell did you do that for? What on earth were you thinking? That's going to be disgusting.'

He was then furious at me for being furious at him. Apparently it was just too difficult to separate the different salads so he had 'no choice' but mix it all together and he just knew I'd moan about it, because I moan about everything. And I shouldn't have asked him to dish up (I didn't) if I don't like the way he does things and I can do everything myself in future because all I ever do is criticise and never say anything positive to anyone.

So he knew I'd moan, but he did it anyway?

He sat there pretending to enjoy his dog's dinner of coleslaw mixed with curried rice, grated cheese, pesto pasta and beetroot with soggy bits of lettuce in it and I took two mouthfuls and felt faintly sick. I don't have sensory issues, I'm not a fussy eater and I am not the type who can't have different foods touching on the plate, but even I have my limits.

I had a tin of soup instead. I am not being unreasonable am I?

Of course they do, otherwise they wouldn’t offer it for sale, would they?

YANBU

I hate people who get shirty instead of apologising.

Honestly my stomach is turning over just thinking about it!

I can't use those salad bars because even in the box, things get mixed and so many times I've been called a dramatic fussy fucker for either

a) not filling my tub the same way as everyone else's and I stick to the same few combinations, like no fucking way am I putting rice in the same tub as spicy pasta because even if they don't physically touch, it makes all the other stuff taste of it. I get told I'm lying and it doesn't, or that I'm wasting money by sticking to certain salad things like lettuce and tomato.

Or b) someone tips and entire tub out onto a plate and mixes it up and I can't eat it.

My dh thankfully is one of the few people who doesn't get mad at me for liking things a certain way. He'd never dump out a salad tray like that and he certainly wouldn't stir it all together. Not that it matters but im autistic and ill sure that's a big factor in my difficulty with some foods but I wouldn't have been able to eat that even all separated out, but there's no way i could eat it if they've all been stirred in together 🤮

The key thing is 'I knew you'd moan about it' - so don't do it? All he had to do was ask 'what do you want doing with this'?

It's the doing something knowing it's wrong that's infuriating. My DH does it with the quilt cover - 'I can never do it right!', yes you fucking can you just refuse to listen 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok I certainly don't approve of how he presented lunch, but if you were being quite particular about the different elements being separate, why didn't you do it yourself? I don't think my DH would mix it all together 🤢 but I also wouldn't expect him to perfect my vision!

As my mother always said, "it all goes down the same way".

But yes, what the hell was he thinking. Was there a whole boiled egg in there somewhere? Still in its entirety? Something quite amusing about that.

Yanbu that is revolting. Make him eat it all, over multiple meals if necessary. He is either inept at practical tasks or he doesn’t like you as someone said above. Reflect on which one it is!

Mixing wouldn't bother me but putting his with mine and having to share would.

Do you need a new bestie? I've got a few hospital appointments coming up where I'm there for the day and could do with someone to discretely pass the egg sandwiches they keep giving me.

Just going off your OP, I'd say it would be good for you to lighten up and get some perspective.

I mean.. he's your partner, aren't you supposed to love him and see the best in him? Being "furious" at someone over something like this is just so not on my emotional radar. Me and my DP would probably laugh at each other for doing this.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying the OP has no right whatsoever to be annoyed. But I stand by all I've said.

If he died tomorrow, how would you feel about the fact that you'd fallen out over a supermarket salad?

If there's some deeper reason you are so frustrated with him, maybe that needs addressing.

What a dick. YANBU

Mixing it all together was stupid, but knowing you’d hate the way he was doing it and doing it anyway AND then being arsey and defensive about it is awful. He sounds like a total arsehole.

When he offered to dish up-what did you think he was going to do?

I'd have said no & just eaten mine from the tub.

Or put what I wanted from each tub onto a plate myself.

Let me be the first to say: LTB

Aren’t they already all mixed up unless you only have one type of salad in each one?

I feel like you’re both being unreasonable. If you prefer if not be mixed up saying in a calm tone “oh you mixed it together, I was trying to keep parts of the salad separate. If we get this again I would prefer for you just tip it out on a plate rather than mixing it”

OP your response sounds like you do moan a lot where if you changed your communication style you might get a better outcome.

It’s annoying but really not worth getting worked up over. Let it go!

If I was bothered about the salad being dished up in a specific way, I’d have declined his help in plating it up, or I’d have said “can you keep the different elements separate please”. I suppose you’ll say he should have known because it’s gross not to, or he knows already that you’d prefer it that way. Either way, I assume there are other communication issues in your marriage.

I wouldn't expect a container of salad to be a mix of things to then be seperated. I think it's a task that shouldn have been delegated as you clearly had a system that another person wouldn't of understood.

This.

And if you know you are difficult to please or have a set vision then either direct him as to how to dish or reject his offer to do it yourself.

It all looks like pigswill anyway, bleurghhhh

Well l would have just eaten it out of the container, why did it need dishing up?

I'm glad you didn't wolf that down, that massive salad should have fed you and family for a few days !

LTB immediately. This is abuse.